To send this response re. party invite?

[Wavingwhiledrowning]

Another childrens party thread. I had no idea how tricky 5th birthday party politics would be to navigate!
So DS is having his party at a local soft play centre on Saturday. I sent out invites ages ago, but have had to chase loads of people up to get a response (that in itself really annoyed me!).

We invited the whole class, because it's a small village school and DS is something of a social butterfly! So it's not an especially small affair, and therefore not that cheap.

Last night DS's best friends mum messaged me to ask if her other daughter could come too. I don't want to say no, because I don't want to seem mean. But at the same time, I really think it's a bit CFish - each child is an extra £9 a head. It would also look a bit odd as DS has other friends with brothers and sisters that he knows better (and also know DD), so it feels like I'd be snubbing them.

So my response is going to be something like:
"Unfortunately we're at the limit headcount wise for the party food. But the play centre is still open as normal so your daughter would obviously be welcome to join in that way."
Is that OK and clear enough? (but not too abrupt?).
Thanks!

People who insist on bringing sibling are the ones that usually scamper and leave you to look after their children. The invite is for one child. Not for the family. And it has less to do with being British and more to do how parties are organised here in places like soft play, etc where you pay per head and usually have to say in advance how many kids are attending and have a limit in numbers of attendees. Of course if you hiring a venue and organising the catering yourself you can be more flexible. But still it's your prerogative if you want siblings to attend or not. Had situations where older siblings attending were spoiling the fun for the younger ones.

Soft play invitations that my kids received seem to always state "Siblings are welcome at a cost of £x entry but will not receive a party bag or food. Food and drink prices are available on the softplay website"

Perfectly normal practice if the centre is still open to the public.

@Coquohvan don’t be absurd. Teenagers never accept invitations to a five year olds birthday party. At most you have siblings who are two or three years older coming. It’s really not an issue.

@loveyou300 see above. I agree it’s rude to expect siblings to be invited, even ruder than not inviting them. A good guest doesn’t assume and a good host doesn’t exclude. I only mentioned class because the only British people who seem to be aware of this very basic hosting etiquette are the families from DSs school. At nursery (more mixed) the vast majority had the same mindset as the majority on mn.

Yes, that's fine.

I was in a similar position a few times - DS was invited to a soft play party, I wasn't happy leaving him alone there, but I'm a single mum and have DD to look after. I replied to the invite saying thanks but DS wouldn't be able to make it because I'd need to sort out childcare for DD - I hoped that would make it easy for the mum either to leave it as a no, with no awkwardness, or offer to include DD too. She offered to include DD, I said thanks and offered to pay the extra, which she (very kindly!) declined.

Sometimes it might be a matter of culture, though - a couple of times I've noticed that friends from other cultures are more likely to ask directly if the sibling can attend, and won't do the weird British politeness dance. But they also accept a direct 'no' with less awkwardness! If this is the case with the mum, I don't think she's being cheeky, necessarily. Alternatively, perhaps she didn't realise it would add to the cost. In any case, your response is perfectly nice and tactful.

If I am asked this I always say that entry is £x, food is set at numbers blah blah blah.

But you usually get the odd no shows, especially when it's a whole class party so I check with the venue it's OK to have extra siblings take a no shows place for food which it usually is. Or if I get a txt message last minute saying a dc isn't coming I will offer that paid for place to a sibling.

I would be paying for the place anyway, and if it saves someone a few quid then that's a good deed for the day.

BogglesGoggles I am not British - and I totally get why the party mother only wants to invite and pay for her son's friends. Since you are not British - you might not realise that if she is having a class party then its likely she invited 29 children plus her son! Hardly stingy! I grew up with 4 siblings...even if each party guest had 1 or 2 siblings each - 29 children plus their siblings could be more than the venue is legally allowed to take!

Do English people on here know that English people are hated abroad?

That's funny as I have travelled abroad to many countries and always find people to be execptionally friendly once they find out I am English.

My (German) OH receives a very different response, to the extent that I feel sorry for him!

the only British people who seem to be aware of this very basic hosting etiquette are the families from DSs school.
If so very few people are aware of this "very basic hosting etiquette," then it surely suggests it's not so very basic at all.

BogglesGoggles your formula for calculating 1.5 children for each invited child would have been blown out of the water if you had invited me as a child - my mum had 5 children within 7 years - all 5 children the perfect age for softplay...

Years ago one of DS2's friends turned up with a younger sibling, who plonked herself down at the party table and even queued up for a party bag! Her mum did nothing to intervene etc. I was speechless! CFery at its finest.

I'm very thankful those sort of parties are long gone!

I am English and have travelled extensively. I can honestly say that I have never had anything but a positive response when they find we are English. We have been to the US several times, Canada, Cuba, Jamaica, several European countries, Barbados, and a few other places. We have German friends that have always been friendly, in the US we have been admired and adored for being English, the same in Canada. I am proud to be English, and I have no idea where all this violence is meant to be as I have seen nothing of it.

And I meant to say that I never allowed extras to any parties I held for the kids, it is really quite rude to expect that.

If this was an adult party, there would be no question that people were being unreasonable. If we invited 20 people to a party we'd be pissed off if 40 turned up, without invitation, and expected food and drink.

So interesting, I would not have a problem with siblings being brought along, I would actually offer to pay as I am the host but I do have issues with no RSVP, or dumping 5 years old in parties as I have seen... I have sent 30 invites, I have had 10 answers back, that is bugging me more!

CF OF THE HIGHEST ORDER. Recently had a soft play party for my son’s 4th birthday. I had two mums message me to ask if they could bring siblings, but made it very clear that they would be paying for them themselves. As it turns out we had a couple of last minute drop outs so they didn’t need to pay for the siblings. Even after that the parents didn’t even let them eat the food until I told them to fill a plate as we had lots left. I’m yet to meet a CF of the level described on here, everyone I’ve met so far is reasonable. I’m actually looking forward to it!

@Fakenametodayhey
Are you all mad? If she didnt turn up becayse she doesnt have viable childcare options to keep other dc at home she would get moaned about.

She could just say no to the invite.Now theres a thought.

Its extremely rude not to invite siblings.

One of DD’s party guests has 6 siblings. They would have doubled the size of her party this year 😆

Its extremely rude not to invite siblings

Well what if there was a big age gap.I dont think my 24 year old would be happy going to softplay for an 8 year olds party

I think we do know we are hated abroad (assuming she means RoE). That's why we want out of the EU.

I myself have found many Europeans have no manners at all if Euro Disney is anything to go by.

What’s RoE?

I have asked a few times if I could bring my child's sibling to a soft play party. I often don't have childcare to support leaving one child at home. I always say why I need to do this, ask them to let me know if they mind in any way and tell them I will be paying for entry/food for my other child. These are not drop parties. I also keep the child who wasn't invited distracted and away from the party table. Nobody has ever had a problem at all. This can be done in a considerate way if handled properly. The mother who text you to ask didn't do any of this, so YANBU.

My husband is 35... His youngest half siblings (twins) turned one in May. Pretty certain he's not fussed on being invited to parties they are!

So, if you invite the whole class ( of 30) and expect siblings to be invited too, that is possibly 60, 70 or more children 😱!! Surely those posters advocating this CANNOT be serious?

OP you have done the right thing, I am amazed at some of the posters on here!