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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think men shouldn’t come to a breastfeeding support group?

647 replies

Sexnotgender · 10/06/2019 12:37

It’s a group SOLELY for breastfeeding support.

I know I’m probably being a grump but a man there totally changes the dynamic.

Baby was 5 months old so not a newborn with an overwhelmed mum which I would kind of understand.

Dons tin hat...

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 10/06/2019 12:38

Yes I agree.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/06/2019 12:39

Why was he there?

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 10/06/2019 12:40

He was there with his wife/partner and their 5 month old. I didn’t ask why.

OP posts:
Theworldcouldbemymollusc · 10/06/2019 12:41

Ugh

MRex · 10/06/2019 12:41

I don't think a man should be there, because the nature of the group is that many women will be nervous looking for support with how they feed. I think it would be reasonable to ask the group organiser to ask him to wait outside.

Laiste · 10/06/2019 12:45

Gosh no i wouldn't want a strange bloke in the room while i was discussing my boobs/nipples/possibly getting them out/grappling about with them to learn how to latch ect. I would never expect DH to come with me either.

I'd have to have a word with the group organiser.

givemesteel · 10/06/2019 12:47

Totally agree. Breastfeeding support groups are meant to trouble shoot problems, whether it's with the baby's latch, with mastitis, sore nipples, and so on.

By nature it involves women needing to have their breasts out so they can be helped with the problem. The last thing you need it someone's weird husband loitering around who doesn't get the hint.

He should have realised it was inappropriate to be there and waited outside but in the absence of any tact on his part the person running the session should have politely asked him to wait outside.

I would email the organiser with this feedback, we're all too polite about this stuff.

AuntieStella · 10/06/2019 12:47

I think there should be specific sessions (maybe once a month, or the fifth week when it's a long month) because support can mean many things and nvolving partners can be a very good thing.

It should be made very clear which sessions partners are welcome to attend (White ther the partner is male or female) and which are for the feeding parent onky. Then everyone knows where they stand and what to expect that day.

Tinyteatime · 10/06/2019 12:47

I agree. It’s main purpose is support, not to be a social group (although many are too). There could be women who have just given birth, are struggling massively and are feeling nervous about feeding/getting theirs boobs out. Feeding outside of your own home is all very new and nerve wracking at that stage. The presence of a man could be enough to put some women off going. There is no support he can possibly offer, as he’s has no idea what it’s like to give birth or breastfeed.

FizzyGreenWater · 10/06/2019 12:47

No he shouldn't be there.

Talk to the organisers.

ChewbaccaHutchinsCool · 10/06/2019 12:48

I wouldn't like this at all. I'd contact the organiser.

Fyette · 10/06/2019 12:48

My DH went to all breastfeeding classes with me. I never went to a breastfeeding support group after the birth, but he was there when the lactation consultant came over as well, and was a great support whenever I was struggling. I probably wouldn't have thought twice about bringing him.

SeasideSoul · 10/06/2019 12:48

I completely agree with you, OP.

SoHotADragonRetired · 10/06/2019 12:49

I agree. Any group I've been to, men were explicitly banned although female partners and friends occasionally attended with the mother. Women in attendance can easily be very vulnerable and unlike on hospital wards they can't really be of any practical help.

Talk to the organisers and request that the group not permit men in the future.

Theknacktoflying · 10/06/2019 12:49

AuntieStella has nailed it ...

Beldon · 10/06/2019 12:49

There was a similar story on mn recently but the man was giving the women advice, mansplaining as he was now an expert after watching his wife ConfusedGrin

Thegoodthere · 10/06/2019 12:49

Just playing devil's advocate - could he has been transgender and helping with the breastfeeding with his breasts? If that's the case you all should have been told. Otherwise very ugh.

firawla · 10/06/2019 12:49

He shouldn’t be in there. If he was dropping them off, he could sit and relax outside of the class or something? It should be a female only safe space surely

FizzyGreenWater · 10/06/2019 12:49

But yes agree that there should be specific partner-welcome sessions which are advertised as such, or specific sessions arranged on request. Home support is hugely important. Partners are hugely important. But no. A man shouldn't be rocking up to a bf support meeting. Bascially there will be women there who would have seen that a man was there and would have not asked for the support they needed.

SoHotADragonRetired · 10/06/2019 12:50

*MALE partners can't really be of practical help, that is.

BlueRaincoat1 · 10/06/2019 12:50

I don't think they should be there. The idea of an occasional group where partners could go to learn and support is a good one, but in general no. It can be vulnerable, painful time, and having men around when discussing and exposing your breasts isn't ideal.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 10/06/2019 12:50

I’ve been going for about 12 weeks now and this is the first bloke I’ve seen so thankfully not an ongoing issue that I’ve come across. Just was surprised and wondered if I was being unfair.

There’s a lot of brand new mums grappling with BF issues and some ones with older babies and it’s just a lovely space for women to talk and get advice both from the organisers and other mums.

A man sitting In among you really changes it.

It’s a great place, they bring you tea and cake/toast/fruit while you chat and feed Smile

OP posts:
makingmammaries · 10/06/2019 12:51

Nope. Ffs, has he absolutely nothing else he could be doing for his family?

Tinyteatime · 10/06/2019 12:52

I think breastfeeding classes prior to birth is a bit different. You’re not actually getting your boobs out to have latch checked etc and women aren’t in such a fragile post- partum state.

GunpowderGelatine · 10/06/2019 12:52

I agree with you completely, but I will await the women coming on who insist they NEEDED their husband by their side every hour of every day for six months and their right to have Nigel at her side trumps the privacy and enjoyment of every other mother there. I mean, some women are single mums or widows or have husbands away in the Army and it's funny how they don't NEED a man by their side every hour of every day for six months 🧐