To think men shouldn’t come to a breastfeeding support group?

[Sexnotgender]

It’s a group SOLELY for breastfeeding support.

I know I’m probably being a grump but a man there totally changes the dynamic.

Baby was 5 months old so not a newborn with an overwhelmed mum which I would kind of understand.

Dons tin hat...

I simply don't see how a man can help when it comes to me sticking my nipple in a baby's mouth. Maybe bring me a pillow but you sure as hell don't need to go to a bf class for that

It is also much harder for women to attend a group by themselves if a lot of the other women there have a partner or someone else with them. I have been to clinics where I was the only person alone. I would not have went to a support group if I was the only person alone.

Jenny that's an other very good point. I've made long term friends at breastfeeding groups with both my babies. I probably wouldn't have if everybody had a friend or partner with them.

I don't even like people bringing a friend or family member to regular small baby groups, though then it doesn't matter if it's mum or dad with the baby. One child per adult and everyone chats to each other; but when there's been just one grandmother or partner in addition it seems like suddenly nobody talks to anybody at all, it's weird but it totally changes the dynamic.

Mog6840 and I bet if that woman was on this thread she would be saying her husband came to her support group and nobody minded. The onus was on him and her to think about others and realise his presence wasn't appropriate, not for vulnerable women to have to speak up.

Unless the group has a strict 'women only' policy I don't see why a man shouldn't come to support his wife. Maybe he wanted to ask questions about his baby's latch or was worried about baby not gaining weight or wife was struggling with getting baby into the right position etc.

She may have been too unwell or anxious to attend alone the first few times. PND can make it almost impossible to leave the house let alone go into a group of strangers! In my experience breastfeeding groups can be quite cliquey, not always friendly and welcoming.

Nowadays there are male midwives, male nurses and support workers on maternity wards who are trained to help women with breastfeeding.

When I was in hospital recently for a gynae problem I was examined by various male doctors and nurses. A male doctor did my transvaginal scan with a male student present. It was no more awkward than having a female doctor do it.

I know many women feel more comfortable with other women when it comes to things like breasts, gynae issues etc but in reality that's not always an option. I'm sure the man in the group came along to support and help his wife, not to peep at other ladies breasts!

OneStepSideways, try reading the whole thread. And if you have read the whole thread and still don’t get it, try centring the needs of women who feel vulnerable when men are present, rather than centring men’s needs in a group that would have been set up to help women.

They're professionals - very different to some random father

YANBU

Of course he can be there. Bless him, he's supporting his wife. What happens when the mum gets home and poss gets in a pickle, he can support her too.

I thought bf mums wanted more acceptance for breast feeding especially when out and about. More people that partake either by breast feeding or supporting , the better in my opinion.

Bless him? what happens when his wife 'gets in a pickle' back home? Is he going to put her nipple in baby's mouth? Maybe we should have sanitary protection classes too and men can help/support women change their tampons

A husband can offer emotional support for heavens sake. Maybe the mum couldn't drive and he drove her. Maybe he is her only source of support on a day to day basis.
Was he oggling everyone's breasts?

Many women have publicly campaigned about being asked to stop breast feeding in public places.
Which is it going to be?

I realise some women may feel uncomfortable, but unless he was dribbling and staring, ( in which case I'd drag him out by the balls) I don't think it's unreasonable.

In what way do the supporters of men at these groups think a man hanging around like a spare prick is necessary and/or important to “normalise” breastfeeding?

A breast feeding support group is a private space not a public space like a cafe. They do not compare.

@Vulpine
It's not practical support necessarily, it's the emotional support. Breast feeding can be really difficult, exhausting, painful. A good support, armed with the knowledge can help, and maybe give verbal pointers.

And for the record, I've had many a midwife verbally and physically help me before with breast feeding. Just because it's a man, it doesn't mean he can't help.

Some poor women have husbands who don't understand the struggles of breast feeding. They assume we literally just shove our nipple in and job done.

it's the emotional support

But why go to a group of BF women for that? Why not read up on it and then support his wife when she’s feeding away from the group? It’s not necessary for a man to attend the group to support a BF woman. “Bless him” my arse.

The only emotional support I wanted from dh when I was bf was to bring me cake

@Vulpine Your right a public cafe doesn't compare to a bf group.
A bf SUPPORT group. Are you serious in saying men shouldn't be there, yet when we all go out and about......(are we supposed to ask men to vacate the premises?)

Well, women might not be openly discussing things like cracked nipples, mastitis, etc in Costa the way they might in a BF group

Good point Mrsmiggins although this does actually happen. It's now trendy for groups of mums to meet in coffee shops, gin bars, etc and baby and boob stuff is practically all they chat about.

Read the thread.
Breastfeeding support is very much a mum's group. At one of the group's I attended the at the beginning HV would ask "anybody got an specific problems?" She'd answer those questions and then say "I'll leave you to enjoy a chat".

If women start turning up in couples other women will take their chat elsewhere therefore defeating the purpose of a support group. Both times when I've attended BF support groups the mum's with older babies would help new mums and in a few months the new mums are the old mum's supporting more new mums. While meeting likeminded mum's and enjoying a chat.

If you read the thread you'll have come across somebody who's support access was via a BFing Cafe, there was no social aspect to the cafe as everyone turned up with partners in tow.

Very happy to feed in public where men are present but not a bf support group where the focus is on boobs.