To think men shouldn’t come to a breastfeeding support group?

[Sexnotgender]

It’s a group SOLELY for breastfeeding support.

I know I’m probably being a grump but a man there totally changes the dynamic.

Baby was 5 months old so not a newborn with an overwhelmed mum which I would kind of understand.

Dons tin hat...

It wouldn’t bother me at all as I plan to breastfeed publicly if the need arises and so I’ll be feeding in front of plenty of strangers, male and female. But fair enough, if it bothers you you can’t help that and should feel comfortable asking the organisers whether this is an ongoing thing they are okay with or whether you need to find a different woman-only group.

And those who talk about a clinic situation, there should be private cubicles or rooms. It is disgraceful that women in that situation are not given privacy.

And no it is not illegal to stop a male carer being present at a single sex session. It is illegal to not give that woman access to support although it can be provided in a number of ways. That can include an individual session.

on a different topic I went to some NHS exercise classes for women with weak pelvic floor (so core and pelvic strengthening exercises) - on two different occasions women brought their husbands (who were asked to leave) and several brought their children (not babies) despite it being stated as no children....

Because it's nothing to do with her?
Get a magazine, book, play a game on a phone. But the only people who are attending that group should be the women there for support.

what a completely ridiculous and idiotic comment.

it's not a secret club, it's breastfeeding. It's pretty obvious why a man can make women uncomfortable, but nothing wrong with somebody's mother! I can't even start to understand why anyone would feel so precious about the meetings, she's not a random stranger from the street coming to steal one of your biscuits.

and several brought their children (not babies) despite it being stated as no children....

not ideal, but I can sympathise with mothers who have several children and no childcare available.

I’m with @Auntiestella. It helps normalise breastfeeding if men are encouraged to take an interest and they can give support to exhausted emotional mums who are struggling by being able to support the baby in a good position while she gets them latched on. However I agree there should also be “safe” places for women who do not feel comfortable with men around.

So a specific, pre-arranged session at which male partners are welcome would be fine but male partners randomly turning up at general sessions shouldn’t happen.

YADNBU!!!!

tickingthebox Words fail me.

Erm am I right postnatal ward is where mom and child go straight after birth? Of course I believe men should be welcome there.

Catch up! To visit yes but not to stay overnight, take privacy/beds/meals/drinks/toilets/staff from women who have just given birth whilst keeping everyone awake, being abusive and arseholish etc.

www.mumsnet.com/info/search?q=men+on+postnatal+wards

Women are entitled to single sex spaces and have the right to privacy when dealing with their biology!

Well, I'm so old my husband wasn't even allowed at the birth. I managed perfectly well without him and he went straight back to work the following day.

@MorondelaFrontera to every other woman there she would be a random stranger.

I managed perfectly well without him and he went straight back to work the following day.

lucky you, some of us couldn't even move after surgery, and safely even grab their own baby.

Just because you can back home a couple of hours after giving birth doesn't mean you won't need help the next time.

The only solution is to put a stop to the private wards horror, and give everyone privacy. No need to debate about partners any longer then, and no other new mum waking up and disturbing the entire ward with loud phone calls, shrieking laughter, loud performance parenting with a newborn! and basically making everybody else stay absolute hell.

Contraceptionismyfriend

but so would every other breastfeeding mum on the group... All strangers to each other!

Erm am I right postnatal ward is where mom and child go straight after birth? Of course I believe men should be welcome there.

No-one has a problem with men being there during normal visiting hours. The issue is when men are there for prolonged periods, sometimes overnight, and the only thing between you and them is a flimsy curtain when you are at your most vulnerable.

It's fine is it's single rooms, but for the vast majority of women it isn't.

Meanwhile, I would not have appreciated a man being at a breast feeding support group in my early feeding days, especially one where practical advice and assistance is given.

Fine if, as some have written, the men were at the other end of the room away from the main group, but not right in there. I was lucky and got the feeding sorted quickly, but right at the start it was tricky for me, and I'd have felt exposed if a man was there.

The comfort of the women who are there for support should trump the feelings of the men in attendance.

Women are entitled to single sex spaces and have the right to privacy when dealing with their biology!

but as communal wards offer absolutely no privacy, especially when nurses insist on keeping the damn curtains open and you are too unwell to get up to close them again, communal wards should be a thing of the past (obviously not in A&E and intensive care...)

but so would every other breastfeeding mum on the group... All strangers to each other!

Yes, but we’re all there for the same reason and that makes it much easier and it’s very supportive. Add in additional people who aren’t feeding and it totally changes.

I wouldn't like it. I don't agree with men staying overnight on postnatal wards either.

I help at a breastfeeding group and we've never had a man attend although they are technically welcome. We have access to a couple of rooms though. I agree it would change the dynamic. However, as we are volunteers we all bring our older children in the holidays. My kids are girls but my eldest is getting quite big, I wonder whether mums would be uncomfortable with a boy of her age there?

Fine if, as some have written, the men were at the other end of the room away from the main group, but not right in there.

No, there’s a big play mat in the middle and chairs round the outside. He plonked himself right on the play mat.

He sounds like a proper tool.

There was a Dad at one I attended. It was run by a HV and loads of practical help. I was really really struggling. The set up was two sofas opposite each other. The Dad was on the opposite sofa to me grinning while I struggled to know what to do. Part of me was thinking ok, this is not a big deal, and the other part of me wasn’t wanting to expose any part of my sore nipples to any random. Luckily the HV noticed and whipped him out of there PDQ.

I'dratherhave when the doctor was stiching up my poor tattered fanny after my first birth she asked me how come I had had no partner in the room. I said "why would I want him to see me like ^this!?" She said "I don't blame you. I wouldn't either, theres no dignity in it"
He came in after to cuddle the baby, took me to the ward, made me a cup of tea and then fucked off so I could sleep. The next day I remember sitting there with the midwife as she grappled with my nipples trying to get a latch and random bloody husbands wandering past gawking.
Men don't have to be involved in absolutely everything.

Some men can't stand not being involved in everything. They can fuck off.

Women supporting women is an amazing thing and should be encouraged.

Fucking fed up of this 'men should be involved in everything'. No the fucking shouldn't. There are plenty of ways men can support bfing women, mainly by picking up the slack elsewhere in their lives, but I daresay they don't want to do the washing up or laundry.

but we’re all there for the same reason and that makes it much easier and it’s very supportive

maybe for you, complete strangers are still strangers and I don't feel any bonding with anyone just because we happened to have had a baby the same week.

The man issue is one thing, but another woman makes no difference whatsoever. It's not like anyone who is not involved would really try to crash the party! It's about breastfeeding, of all the things that are of no interest to anyone else. At least a mum would be supportive to her own child

Of course they shouldn't. I'm aware of the argument for men being there to include them etc, like on postnatal wards, but it's total shit. In both instances. Their presence will inhibit some women and the women should have priority.

By all means suggest a specific partners welcome session too. Just as it's right that there are some times when males are welcome on postnatal wards.

but I daresay they don't want to do the washing up or laundry.

some posters are clearly projecting their own household issues on here