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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What would you think of this email from inlaws?

660 replies

LionsTigersAndBearsAndPandas · 10/06/2019 12:16

Background info: Been dating for 5 years, living together in rented accommodation and engaged. Partner is buying a house. What would you think if you got this email from step fil?

Email: The two of you have the potential to do well in the future and I hope that you have luck on your side and things work out. It isn't always the case so permit me to be a little pessimistic regarding the future. When you take on a mortgage or other long term commitments you can't know how things will turn out years down the road so you both need to plan for contingencies just in case. Don't forget Mum and I have both difficulties in the past and all the subsequent mess of family and finances to sort out and we wouldn't wish it on anyone. I would ask you both to take advice and look at the legal and ethical implications now to ensure that if things go wrong in future for whatever reason, that you both do, not just what is legally right, but what is fair and equitable according to your moral compass. Talk about the realities without the rose coloured glasses and the chances of a long and happy relationship will be much improved. I write this, not as an old curmudgeon, but as a Dad who wants you both to have the best lives you can.

OP posts:
StreetwiseHercules · 10/06/2019 12:18

Seems fine.

Gustavo1 · 10/06/2019 12:18

I would assume he wants to make sure that you partner ‘protects’ his house purchase.
What do you think? Have you and DP talked about the house he is buying and how it will effect your future living situation?

CarolsBiggestFan · 10/06/2019 12:18

I think it sounds like very sensible advice.

Alsohuman · 10/06/2019 12:19

I’d think he was a caring and thoughtful parent with a firm grip on reality.

Sparklybanana · 10/06/2019 12:19

Sensible advice!

paddington34 · 10/06/2019 12:19

Yes very wise and well meant.

Theknacktoflying · 10/06/2019 12:19

They aren’t in-laws

Someone talking from experience and asking you both to be sensible ... and trying to be diplomatic and non judgemental

meh ...

herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 12:19

He wants his son to do what is in his own financial interests, not yours.

reluctantbrit · 10/06/2019 12:19

Seems a good advise for a non-married couple buying a house or even just one part of the couple buying.

Sarahlou63 · 10/06/2019 12:20

What a lovely, thoughtful message. Take his advice.

Jemima232 · 10/06/2019 12:20

You're obviously outraged by this.

What's the backstory?

livingthegoodlife · 10/06/2019 12:20

Sensible advice and kindly given. He is trying to be tactful. Don't take offence....

CarolsBiggestFan · 10/06/2019 12:20

Advice in your favour actually, if your partner is buying a house and you’re not on the deeds-mortgage but presumably will be financially contributing?

herculepoirot2 · 10/06/2019 12:20

To him or to both of you, by the way?

user1471449295 · 10/06/2019 12:21

Sensible advice. He cares, although may be a little patronising depending on your ages

LaurieFairyCake · 10/06/2019 12:21

My response would be (though I wouldn't send it)

"Absolutely right while we're engaged. Until we get married and have children and then legally and morally everything changes to protect both parties and their offspring".

EmmaGellerGreen · 10/06/2019 12:21

Very sensible advice which you should both take on board.

SausageSimon · 10/06/2019 12:21

I think it's kind of lovely, a very caring man from the sound of it! Very sensible and seems to want the best for both of you not just their child

Qsandmore · 10/06/2019 12:21

A realist who wrote a difficult thing in a kind way.

I’d listen to him. Romance and love is well and good but I know first hand the mess we can make when life gets in the way of that, even after 20years of a solid relationship.

I would listen to him.

formerbabe · 10/06/2019 12:21

He has a point

NeatFreakMama · 10/06/2019 12:21

Agree with PP, it seems to be sensible and coming from a kind enough place.

GirlAtWork · 10/06/2019 12:22

Sensible and well meant advice on an awkward subject I think. He clearly just knows from experience that you can’t predict the future and is asking you to make decisions while you love each other about how you will behave if there is ever a time where you don’t.

LionsTigersAndBearsAndPandas · 10/06/2019 12:22

Not insulting or implying I'm some sort of gold digger that can't be trusted? Would you want to know if they also sent the email to partners brother who buying a house with girlfriend?

OP posts:
SmilingThroughIt · 10/06/2019 12:22

Very fair and sensible. His son is buying a home and he wants to ensure he is protected. At the same time he is telling you to be aware of the situation you might be left in.

Thehop · 10/06/2019 12:23

He sounds lovely, and very sensible. I hope I can word a similar warning to my children as have it come across as well x

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