What would you think of this email from inlaws?

[LionsTigersAndBearsAndPandas]

Background info: Been dating for 5 years, living together in rented accommodation and engaged. Partner is buying a house. What would you think if you got this email from step fil?

Email: The two of you have the potential to do well in the future and I hope that you have luck on your side and things work out. It isn't always the case so permit me to be a little pessimistic regarding the future. When you take on a mortgage or other long term commitments you can't know how things will turn out years down the road so you both need to plan for contingencies just in case. Don't forget Mum and I have both difficulties in the past and all the subsequent mess of family and finances to sort out and we wouldn't wish it on anyone. I would ask you both to take advice and look at the legal and ethical implications now to ensure that if things go wrong in future for whatever reason, that you both do, not just what is legally right, but what is fair and equitable according to your moral compass. Talk about the realities without the rose coloured glasses and the chances of a long and happy relationship will be much improved. I write this, not as an old curmudgeon, but as a Dad who wants you both to have the best lives you can.

I think that's actually very fair, well-written and comes from a place of wisdom and love.

What hercule said

They wouldn't have said that if you were married

Absent any other context it sounds like a warm caring pragmatic parent. And not even that he just wants his son (? Assuming here that you’re the female partner in a hetero couple) to protect his interests but wants you both to mutually protect your interests and discuss what would happen in a separation.
Are you contributing to the house purchase? Planning to pay rent otherwise? Are your finances joint? Do you have or plan to have children? Plan to marry? All good things to discuss clearly before embarking on this!

He sounds fair and caring.

Assuming you don't have children, very sensible. He says fair and morally right, what's wrong with that?

Hes telling his son to protect his assets and dressing it up in patronising mansplaining...
I would just ignore it
but equally I would be very sure of my financial position as a single woman....

I think it's sensible advice too. I can see how it would be easy to have a knee jerk reaction to it and be offended but I think it's coming from a caring place!

Very sensible advice.

Are you planning to get married in the near future? Why is your partner buying the house and not both of you? Your partners father is being sensible and making sure you both look at what you are getting into from a legal perspective (fuck fairness and morals if things go tits up, as you won't likely be thinking rationally if that happens). You need to know where you will stand if you do split up - will you be out on the street? Your partner needs to know if you'll be able to claim half his house etc. So it's not bad advice.

Nope, not the slightest bit insulting. They are wise words for you both. It is a long term commitment and no one has a crystal ball.

I would be very interested to hear more about what this man thinks. Very.

Are you contributing to the house? He hasnt in any way referred to being a gold digger, unless you feel guilty about something.

Sensible advice, tactfully given.

It's a caring and sensible email. Only a prospective golddigger would be offended...

Sounds to me as if he wants YOU to be protected while the 2 if you are unmarried.

it's good advice for both of you.

Why do you think it implies that you're a gold-digger, OP?

And what has the reference to your fiancé's brother got to do with it?

There's a lot going on here which you haven't told us.

Age: late 20s
Planning on getting married soon

Another one who thinks it's sensible and sensitive advice.

How is the property being bought? Are you contributing anything? Why is it only in your partners name and not both?

These things are incredibly important. You should legally ring-fence your deposit.

He's 100% right.

and in light of how many times I have read on MN how many women are financially screwed when relationships have broken down I read it as a parent who is trying to give tricky advice ....

It sound a bit like something you'd get from a company trying to sell you insurance of some kind.

I'm sure it's kindly meant but - I'm assuming it's unasked for advice - it's rather patronising and somewhat interfering; I'm assuming you're both adults.

Not insulting or implying I'm some sort of gold digger that can't be trusted?

Not at all. Sensible advice because relationships can and do spur.

Would you want to know if they also sent the email to partners brother who buying a house with girlfriend?

Surely this is different. The brother is buying a house with his girlfriend. Your partner is buying the house alone.

Well he has a point.

Having been in that situation myself, having it all written down who put what in and exactly what we could expect to get out if we split up made life much much simpler when we did down the line split up very suddenly and out of the blue.

It seemed a bit pessimistic at the time of buying the house but it saved an awful lot of discussion and bad feeling when the worst happened.

It's a bit wordy but it was probably difficult for him to write and maybe was concerned he'd upset someone if he was too brief and it seemed blunt. I think it's very sensible advice, it might feel patronising if it's something you've both already thought of. He just wants to make sure you've thought through what will happen if it goes wrong. Both for your partner who's buying the house and for you who might be contributing financially. If you work out what would happen in a hypothetical situation now then if it does go wrong (hopefully it won't) then it will be so much easier than trying to sort it out then.

*sour not spur