What would you think of this email from inlaws?

[LionsTigersAndBearsAndPandas]

Background info: Been dating for 5 years, living together in rented accommodation and engaged. Partner is buying a house. What would you think if you got this email from step fil?

Email: The two of you have the potential to do well in the future and I hope that you have luck on your side and things work out. It isn't always the case so permit me to be a little pessimistic regarding the future. When you take on a mortgage or other long term commitments you can't know how things will turn out years down the road so you both need to plan for contingencies just in case. Don't forget Mum and I have both difficulties in the past and all the subsequent mess of family and finances to sort out and we wouldn't wish it on anyone. I would ask you both to take advice and look at the legal and ethical implications now to ensure that if things go wrong in future for whatever reason, that you both do, not just what is legally right, but what is fair and equitable according to your moral compass. Talk about the realities without the rose coloured glasses and the chances of a long and happy relationship will be much improved. I write this, not as an old curmudgeon, but as a Dad who wants you both to have the best lives you can.

Very sage advice.
The moral comments make me think he’s looking out for you too.

As someone who it did go tits up and it was messy and I was entirely stitched up by the “legal” side, without a back story it’s wise words from an older person whose seen this time and time again.

Words of wisdom for sure. I wouldn't read anything negative into it. I think he's honestly thinking of both your best interests. My husband and I took out a joint mortgage and paid it off in proportion to our wages. I think it's really important to look to the future and obviously you want the best - but things happen and you do need to plan for every outcome. I'd take his advice.

It sounds like it's well meaning, he probably wishes someone had given him advice like that rather than having to learn the hard way.

I haven’t read all replies. But you need legal advice. I’m sure if you get married and your husband hasn’t written a Will and he dies, then everything automatically passes on to the wife. If he’s written a will before you got married then marriage usually cancels the will. Unless there’s a clause in it stating it’s to stay the same upon marriage.
My parents divorced after 30 odd years. My dad had always paid the mortgage and the original deposit, my mum contributed to the household bills etc. Because my dad was employed full time and my mum part time they awarded my mum 70% of the house and only 30% to my dad. I wasn’t living at home and wasn’t told about this. I think it wasn’t fair. But I’ve heard of things going badly for either party in the event of an divorce. So something drawn up to help both of you is an excellent idea. You could split up and end up homeless, fight for the house and lose....or you could fight and win half the house he’s paid a big deposit for. So it could go either way. Legal advice is best.

I think he's taken effort to choose his words carefully in order not to offend. It is very wise advice. Don't go looking for insults if they aren't obvious. Cultivate a good relationship with your pil , it will make life much more enjoyable. If your partner relies on his mother too much, you need to speak to him about it & discuss how you split familial responsibilities when you are married.

It is none of your business if his bro got the same message. Yes you may want to know but it is irrelevant. Discuss it with your partner & agree financial splits.

I wouldn't live with a partner paying into a home without my name on the deeds but he should protect his initial investment also. Good luck

I think that both of you should take this in the spirit it was obviously intended, from a place of kindness, thoughtfulness and experience.

The fact that he is advising BOTH of you to walk into owning a property with your eyes wide open and not with rose tinted glasses is a testament to this.

Heed his words, and both ensure you're properly represented and both know exactly what will happen and who gets what if the worst should happen ( could be you split up or one of you dies/ has a life altering accident etc) obviously hope not and all will be well, but shit happens in life, and the more prepared you are financially really effects how well you cope. E.g. you'll cope better dealing with a split/ accident/death if you're not having to deal with losing your home at the same time!

Listen to the advice and be like the 'boy scouts i.e always prepared'

I wish you all the best for your joint future together.

xxx

Think fil is trying to say "don't mess up finances lkke we did or we have learned not to" and make sure if u do breakup that there's some sort of fair 50/50 split of assets/property etc...to be honest that's good advice-from anyone!

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I think it’s well meant. I once had Mil who gave me good advice and I am grateful that she did. Not all in laws think the sun shines out of their off springs backside

It's a thoughtful, tactfully-worded, well-intentioned email. He obviously wants what is best for you both. He is obviously a sensible, caring and loving person. I don't think you should be offended in the slightest. Very sound advice for you both