Aibu to have not offered Father’s Day to Ex-H?

[vivalasvindaloo]

Posting here as I’m not a lone parent (remarried).
Last year we swapped Mother’s Day and Father’s Day but mother’s day fell on my weekend anyway this year. Father’s Day also falls on DS (10) weekend with me. Ex hasn’t asked for time with DS on Father’s Day, but equally I haven’t offered. DS asked me if he was going to see his dad on Father’s Day, I had a nice day planned for me DS and his stepfather (my DH). Am I being U not offering it to the ex?

If Ex didn't ask and child didn't mention it I'd just ignore it. If he asked or the kid asked then I'd let him have Sunday afternoon or similar. That is what I am doing with my Ex. He hasn't asked by DD has so I am offering him Sunday pm.

I would say just carry on. However, your son has asked if he will see his dad so I think it's pretty clear that you should text your ex and offer.

Put your DS first, and find out if he’ll be seeing his DDad

I can well understand the desire to have nothing whatsoever to do with an XH, but it should never be at the expense of your DS.

You need to find a workable way of communicating about important stuff. And DS seeing his DDad on Father’s Day is big enough stuff from his POV to raise it, now it’s up to you to be the responsive and responsible parent.

As this is a unanimous YABU, I hope it will lead you to think about what you are doing

DS asked me if he was going to see his dad on Father’s Day

Can't you just text this to your ex and see what he says? YWBVU to ignore your DS's question just because you would rather spend the day with DS and DH.

@Alsohuman

Of course it’s a Fathers’ Day celebration, ludicrous comment.

No, OP just say she's planned a nice day. You've extrapolated that into a father's day celebration.

YABU.

Just send a text or email asking if he wanted to swap this weekend with a future weekend as DS has asked to see him and it's Father's Day. Simple. If you can't do this tiny thing, I would think that you're being selfish, especially as your son has asked about it.

I would also take DS shopping to buy something small for his dad regardless of whether he sees him at the weekend - he can give the present when he next sees him.

you should have asked your dad and your son, and come to a mature arrangement.

I mean his dad - your Ex.

Op obv isn’t coming back

Just had a text from my exwife (not the OP!)

"Father's Day Sunday, you having the children?"

It is not my weekend and I had forgot about Father's Day (my fault I know) but a short message from the ex wife and it is sorted.

OP - Just send a text, it helps to know what you are doing as well.
Co- parenting - can be as hard as as easy as you make it.

or as

Text your ExH and say "can we swing by with a card and gift" and let them at least have a hug on Fathers Day. Or even offer him a switch so that he can spend the day with his Dad.

I fully expect in twenty years time that when DS1 marries or has DC of his own that Ex and I will be able to spend time at weddings and christenings and all the other family events feeling chuffed that despite our spectacularly terrible relationship (and it was awful beyond awful at the end) that as co-parents we outdid ourselves. And that will come from us both having put one another's feelings first occasionally.

This is so so sad. That poor child. Mum can't even be bothered to send one text for the sake of her child Co-parenting isn't about point scoring it's about putting the child first.

Totally agree Nesssie

It’s called Fathers Day. It’s about saying thank you or your appreciation for your adult father. It is not a second Christmas all about the kids. It’s also not for showing off parenting skills, quite the opposite. The kids are supposed to be doing the work.

There’s no reason why writing a card or buying chocolate or beer isn’t enough of a “ thanks dad”.In fact perhaps it’s a generous gift to let the dad ( or mum) have a day doing what they want.

The child in this case will see his father as he normally does a week later. Why encourage the idea they are sad and hard done by?

Fromablokespoint wow, just wow. You couldnt be arsed to see your children on Father's Day (same Hallmark date each year), expect your EX-wife to remember (that's called wife work) and then post a patronising message on here "Co- parenting - can be as hard as as easy as you make it"

Clearly its not hard for you because someone else is doing all the work.

YABU and selfish.

Just ask your ex.

Your child will remember the way you behave towards his dad, don’t mess your DC MH up.

YABU and selfish.

Just ask your ex.

Your child will remember the way you behave towards his dad, don’t mess your DC MH up.

YABU and selfish.

Just ask your ex.

Your child will remember the way you behave towards his dad, don’t mess your DC MH up.

I remember being little and feeling sad I couldn't spend Father's Day with my dad. Do it for your DS.

spongedog

@Fromablokespoint wow, just wow. You couldnt be arsed to see your children on Father's Day (same Hallmark date each year), expect your EX-wife to remember (that's called wife work) and then post a patronising message on here "Co- parenting - can be as hard as as easy as you make it"*

Clearly its not hard for you because someone else is doing all the work.

Totally agree with this.

spongedog I read the message fromablokespointofview posted totally differently. I read it as he has a good relationship with his ex who knows it’s all about the kids and it’s so easy to forget things. We all do were not perfect!! As his ex knows the kids would like to see their father on Father’s Day she’s sent a message which took all of a few seconds to sort plans. Between my friends/family we sometimes forget things and one or the other will just send a message. Why does it have to be up to that one person and if they don’t remember then tough shit they miss out? It’s life! Be mature and act like a normal sensible person who wants the best for their kids.

nah wouldn't bother about it

up to the ex to decide if he wants to do that and if he hasn't asked I wouldn't bother