Aibu to have not offered Father’s Day to Ex-H?

[vivalasvindaloo]

Posting here as I’m not a lone parent (remarried).
Last year we swapped Mother’s Day and Father’s Day but mother’s day fell on my weekend anyway this year. Father’s Day also falls on DS (10) weekend with me. Ex hasn’t asked for time with DS on Father’s Day, but equally I haven’t offered. DS asked me if he was going to see his dad on Father’s Day, I had a nice day planned for me DS and his stepfather (my DH). Am I being U not offering it to the ex?

Reading some of the (thankfully in a minority) awful attitudes on here, it's no wonder some kids grow up to be totally fucked up emotionally.

It's literally one text to enquire whether he is aware next Sunday is Father's Day.

I can guarantee there'll be quite a few who simply aren't aware of the date. I for one wasn't and yes I'm well aware the date hasn't been 'hidden'.

YABU.
Simply text Ex and ask if he had plans for Father's day and would he like a swap.

YABVU.

Kids aren't stupid. Your son will remember you doing stuff like this.

Just ask ex if he wants to see DS on Father's Day. It's not difficult.

Rather than speculate. Ask.

“Hi Father of child
Were you planning on seeing DS on Father’s Day? Just wondered so I know whether to include him in our plans.
From ex”

YABU but only as son has asked to see his father. I would have arraged for it to happen personally. The childs wishes come before my own (when appropriate and possible of course..)

As it’s Father’s Day next weekend I assume DS is there at the moment on the assumption they do EOW.

Why don’t you text ex now and he can discuss it with DS if he is there

‘Hi ex, just realised we have DS for Father’s Day. I was wondering if you would like to swap? Let me know if you do.’ Simple and polite, you don’t have to engage.

sounds to me that now you have a new partner you are making fd about him aka step dad rather then ex and bio dad

yes step parents are important, but your son wants to see his dad as well

are you local to each other

can he see his dad am/over lunch

and then you do soething with new partner/step dad afternon/tea

YABU to not at least extend an offer of flexibility to your ex so that your son can see his dad on Father’s Day.

Your son asked if he was going to see his dad. There’s your clue right there. Your son is the important one here, not you, not your ex. He wants to spend Father’s Day with his dad. You and his dad should do something to see that happens even if it means you putting yourself out to call his dad and say his son would like to see him. It’s not about you.

yabvu

Your DS would hardly have mentioned it if he didn't think he wanted to spend FD with his dad would he? I also agree with PP it's pretty shitty to arrange a special day out on FD.

Just do what is best for your DS.

Am I being U not offering it to the ex?

Yes, very unreasonable. It's Father's Day not Stepfather's Day.

YAB SO U and I think you know you are

Ask your son what he wants. You know it’s the right thing to do. Don’t make him a pawn and stop being selfish

Putting aside that it seems like your son wants to spend fathers day with his dad being enough of a reason to ask, it also works in your favour in the long run as you are trying to make sure he has an opportunity to spend special days with him. Should mothers day not be on your weekend it helps set a precident that you can use to say you should be given the chance to swap for mothers day (I'm assuming you care about mothers day).

He's 10. Can't he ring his dad?

Why would you plan father day with your husband rather than his father?

I'm remarried and we have a blended family the kids always spend mothers day/father with their actual mother or father.

Maybe he presumed he would have ds because he did last year.

Text him and ask him.

Ring his dad??!?! Children should never be involved in custody scheduling.

Just send your ex a quick message and offer him time on Father’s Day if he wants it. Doesn’t have to be an exchange or a negotiation or a quid pro quo. Just “hi, noticed Father’s Day falls on one of my days this year. If you would like to have ds for all or part of the day, I’m happy to make a plan”.

Ask DS if he wants to see his dad on fathers day. That's your answer.

YABU, your child has mentioned seeing his dad. He should be able to express that without anyone batting an eyelid.

It's not stepfathers day. I'd not want to spend it with a parents new partner when I have my own parent to spend it with.

Your ex sounds reasonable in this area as he agreed to the swap last year. I am with most of the the other posters to ask him if he wants a swap as ds has asked to see him. In future if you want a swap in your favour you will have paved the way for that.

Children should never be involved in custody scheduling.

It is perfectly acceptable to allow a 10 year old to call his dad and ask if he can see him on Father's Day.

As he gets older he should have more involvement in decisions about contact. It's about his right to spend time with his father, not the parents getting their bit of him.

Children should be involved in a developmentally appropriate way in the important decisions made about them. At ten years old, that includes deciding whether he would like to spend a bit of extra time with his dad and calling to ask if it's OK.

The only time a ten year old child shouldn't be involved is if the parents aren't capable of behaving reasonably and the child will end up the victim of mind games. Hopefully the OP is better than this.

Yabu. Swap for your child's sake.

I think its important that kids spend the day with their biological dad on Fathera Day.
Cant be nice for your ex if your son is spending it with your DH.