Aibu to have not offered Father’s Day to Ex-H?

[vivalasvindaloo]

Posting here as I’m not a lone parent (remarried).
Last year we swapped Mother’s Day and Father’s Day but mother’s day fell on my weekend anyway this year. Father’s Day also falls on DS (10) weekend with me. Ex hasn’t asked for time with DS on Father’s Day, but equally I haven’t offered. DS asked me if he was going to see his dad on Father’s Day, I had a nice day planned for me DS and his stepfather (my DH). Am I being U not offering it to the ex?

Don’t be so selfish

*I don’t even think DS isn’t that bothered, he just asked if he was seeing dad on Father’s Day not that he wanted to.^

Pure sophistry

You are being vvvu

Some men are useless with dates

Its all about your son not you, SF or the dad - the welfare and happiness of your son counts

You need to ensure this so he sees his dad on fathers day ( clue in the name of day )

I feel like I am reading a completely different post to everyone.

The Op merely asked whether it was up to her to ask.
Firstly Fathers Day is nothing the same as a Mothers Day. And both days require a card and nothing else.

I don’t think the Op is being obtuse or mean. Her son merely asked if he was seeing his Dad, it wasn’t a request as such. No harm if she drops him a quick text but equally no bother if she doesn%’t.

Your new husband isn't your child's father. So yes YABU wanting to spend a nice day with your DP and DS instead of offering the day to his actual Father.
How hard is it just to send a text asking if he wants to see his son that day?

I agree though that OP's DS will remember this in times to come. He only has one dad and the day should be about them.
Too many exes like their partners to be the new mummy and daddy without putting their kids first.

I also agree that the ex may not even be aware its father's day next Sunday. One text is all it needs. Your sons relationship with his father is important and you owe it to your son to help facilitate it.

My ex is having them (by chance) this year, but last year refused even a phone call, so he may just not be bothered.

My DP has it written into his court size with his ex that Mother's Day/Father's Day are always outside of the standard 4 weekly pattern that they have and are spent with the appropriate parent. This year both have fallen on her days and so she's losing out on a day but thankfully she hasn't kicked off about it, we were concerned she might not have realised this would happen 3 years out of 4.

From the child's perspective, one of mine would ask that sort of question as a veiled"I wish I could go" but the other two would just be asking a genuine question and would say it outright if that's what they meant.

My dc’s see their dad every Sunday so it always lands on his day. Last year I spent mother’s day on my own and felt really horrible, I went out for a walk but of course I was surrounded by families out for Mother’s Day. This year I asked ex to swap days and he was happy to do so.

I think YABU, it’s Father’s Day and your DM’s wants to spend it with his dad.

It really depends on your joint parenting relationship. My ex has contact scheduled to the minute for the next year+. He has made a change to the contact calendar because it suited him (not our DC) but wont accept any changes from me ever no matter how many months in advance they are given.

You swapped a date last year - I dont know whose request that was. But that shows that you will be flexible. but why would you go out of your way to ask for a swap for a Hallmark holiday, when your ex isnt clearly that bothered.

Some people have these dates in a court order but many of us dont. YANBU at all.

@Densol999 some women are rubbish with dates, what happens if both parents are? The kid just misses out on everything?

I would offer to swap, unless you're not bothered about perhaps not having him on Mother's Day one year as will inevitably happen. Fair's fair.

Mother's Day and Father's Day are written into our court order so DD is with the parent on "their" day whether it's the other parents weekend or not, so I'd say YABU.

Father’s Day falls on ‘my’ weekend this year but I just asked ex DP if he wanted DD for the weekend instead. Then again, I’m in a situation where we don’t have set weekends and we get on very well.

As much as I dislike my ex I wouldn't stop our DC from spending time with him.

He is pretty useless when it comes to dates / Mother's Day / my birthday etc (ie helping DC with cards etc).

If you haven't already - you should speak with your DS's dad.

Yes of course you should offer ex Father's Day.

If the tables were turned you'd expect him to offer you Mother's Day again, wouldn't you?

DS asked me if he was going to see his dad on Father’s Day, I had a nice day planned for me DS and his stepfather (my DH). Am I being U not offering it to the ex?

Yes YABU. DS asked. Given that you swapped last year so you could have DS on mother’s day it a bit off to have gone and planned a day with DS & stepfather without even mentioning it to EX.
My DH hasn’t realised it is Father’s Day next Sunday, my own father won’t have a clue either.

Their child didn't say he wanted to see his Dad on Fathers day he asked what was happening.
DD is ten. If she asks “are we doing x this weekend” it’s because she wants to.

i think YABU here. Also if you are hoping to have DS on mothers day next year (or whenever it falls on exes weekend) I would think ahead and be kind now

As the wife of someone who's never been allowed to see his own children on father's day (unless is fell on his weekend) despite always asking to swap days or even just have them round for tea. YAB completely U. That's just cruel to your ex 'no you can't have DS on father's day because he's spending it with his step dad instead'. This is exactly what DH's ex does to him 'no I've made plan with my boyfriend and I want us to be together as a family' what about DH wanting to be together as a family?

I'm all for including step parents into kids lives (I am on for Christ's sake) but I've never once demanded to have my DSC on mothers day because I'm not their mother! Your DH is not you DS's father! Text your ex and just ask him if he's thought about it at the very least. Then ask if you can do half a day each if you must have your DS on fathers day. Selfish to do anything other imo.

YANBU. Ask DS if he wants to see his dad and if so you can see what you can arrange. If neither DS or your ex are bothered I would leave it.

Your Ex volunteered last year for Mothers Day so that shows willingness on his part. In the scheme of things just swap the day or even half a day as your son seems to want it.

I still think that even if DS hadn't asked to see his dad, it should be the done thing that they would spend fathers day together. OP should be facilitating this.
Her husband is not her sons dad.

Yep,YABU. Your DS wants to spend it with his Dad.

YABU but your ex should have asked and he didn't. It's not really up to you to do the asking and running around.

You would want to see your child on Mother's day...why is it any different for the child's dad when it is Father's Day?