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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not offer my bedroom to guests?

317 replies

Tigger0902 · 08/06/2019 01:20

Hi all,
I’m a newbie first of all so hello!
My OH moved into my apartment around 7 months ago. He has some close friends who we go out to dinner etc with and we stay at their house sometimes. They have a 3 bed house, I have a 2 bed flat. They stayed at mine a little over a year ago and I set them up in the spare room. I should add it’s a double room, I have a day bed and trundle in there so plenty of space.
On Tuesday I got a text from my OH saying he had invited them over this weekend and asked if we should offer our room. I replied and said NO to which he said “I already have”. I’ve made it clear I’m not happy about a) him doing this without talking to me about it and b) other people sleeping in my room or my bed.

Am I being unreasonable? I bought a 2 bed so I could have guests stay....in the spare room! And to make things worse, they’re not even the type to say “are you sure you don’t us staying in your room?”

OP posts:
7salmonswimming · 08/06/2019 01:22

Nobody has ever slept in my bed except me, DH and DCs as babies. Nobody ever will. To me it’s like sharing a toothbrush or knickers or socks. Far, far too intimate. And a gross invasion of privacy, too.

kaldefotter · 08/06/2019 01:23

So your OH asked you a question, but he'd already decided on the answer and communicated that decision to his guests?

Then when you answer no, he tells you it's too late?

No, YANBU. Your OH is going to have to undo his offer.

LittleLongDog · 08/06/2019 01:24

Just show them to the spare room when they arrive. I’m sure they’re not going to say ‘we’re in your room actually’.

Redglitter · 08/06/2019 01:25

Hes being ridiculous. If you have a spare room they sleep there. Dont make a thing of it just direct them to the guest room when they arrive. I'm quite sure they wont be expecting your bedroom. What a weird thing for your partner to do though

DifficultSituation19 · 08/06/2019 01:27

He’s completely barking. And needs to un-offer your bed. What the fuck was he thinking?

alibongo5 · 08/06/2019 01:39

Just show them to the spare room when they arrive. I’m sure they’re not going to say ‘we’re in your room actually’.
This, exactly.

Justbreathing · 08/06/2019 01:41

Well that’s just odd. You actually have a spare room.
I can tell you they probably really don’t want to stay in Your room

I would make the spare bed up all nice and then when they come ask them to choose. Unless they’re weird they’ll chose spare room.
That solves this immediate problem.
Bugger problem is your dh not consulting you. But only you know him and your relationship

QuestionableMouse · 08/06/2019 01:54

As a guest I wouldn't want your bed. Just show them to the spare room.

kamelo · 08/06/2019 01:56

Whilst it wouldn't bother me per se ( I certainly don't think it's like sharing my knickers Shock ) you actually have a spare room so it doesn't make sense for him to offer like that.

Make up the spare room and I think all will be well, other than pointing out to your OH he's a nob.

bpirockin · 08/06/2019 02:03

I wouldn't give them the option. You have a guest room, and that is what they are.

I suspect that the fact your partner offered them your room indicates that there is something behind it. It is a strange thing for him to do, and for them to ask for/accept. I wonder why he would think that it would be acceptable Confused

If there's something they don't like about the guest room/bed, then perhaps they'd be more comfortable on the sofa. Grin

echt · 08/06/2019 02:09

So he invites them over without asking you first, gives them your room without asking...

I'd set up the guest bedroom with all bedding, towels, etc. in a pile on the bed and tell him to crack on with getting it ready. And ask him what he plans to cook for them while they're over.

WonderWorm · 08/06/2019 02:09

Why did he offer your room?

Ruru8thestars · 08/06/2019 02:13

That’s weird

violetbunny · 08/06/2019 02:18

So weird. I would just offer them the guest room when they arrive. I would feel weird offering my room to someone else, especially when it sounds like you have a perfectly adequate place for them to sleep!

Aquamarine1029 · 08/06/2019 02:18

No one sleeps in my bed except for me and my husband. That's what a spare room is for.

Totaldogsbody · 08/06/2019 02:21

Nope spare room, your room is very personal to you and should not be intruded on by guests. I'd be livid if my husband had done this. The fact they have a 3 bed house makes no difference I'm certain they've never offered their room to you. He can tell them when they come in that they're in the guest room his mistake let him rectify it.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 08/06/2019 02:22

I can't imagine why he would offer your room.unless there's something more to.it, eg
OH - do come and stay for the weekend

Friend - that would be lovely but I've got a really bad back at the moment and don't think I'll be able to sleep.on your day bed. Thanks anyway.

OH - no problem, you can have our bed

We haven't got a spare double room but we do have a double sofa bed in the living room and a single bed in our study, plus a single bed in our box room. The only time we've ever had people sleep on our bedroom was years ago when dh and I went away for a week and my parents came to.look after our DC. Them sleeping in our room was the only way they could be on the same floor as DC.

Unless there's a really good reason not to, then give them the spare room.

Nancydrawn · 08/06/2019 02:37

Very weird. And frankly, if I were your guests and you told me that I was in the master BR and you, the host, were going to stay in the guest BR, I would find you very odd and the situation very uncomfortable.

Caterina99 · 08/06/2019 02:44

Weird. I would not want to put someone out of their bedroom if I was a guest. I’d rather stay in a hotel. Unless really exceptional circumstances like visiting after surgery or with a tiny baby or something. Not just friends staying over for the night, presumably so they can have a drink and not have to drive home

Graphista · 08/06/2019 02:45

Time for a serious chat with partner!

He seems to think your place has become his even though he's only been there 7 months.

No! It's yours (albeit plural) having guests is a JOINT decision and where they sleep is also a joint decision and yes it's bloody weird offering your room when there are perfectly adequate alternatives!

Who does he think he is?!

TheSerenDipitY · 08/06/2019 03:13

so text him back and tell him to un-tell them, now!
and let him know that the only people who are sleeping in that bed are you and maybe him

Trebla · 08/06/2019 03:16

Offering guests your room is odd. You have a spare. They have a room at him so it's only a night. They staying for your company and convenience. Spare room is perfectly acceptable. Is this giving up your room thing a "thing" I'm not aware of. Like serving guests first at dinner?

Redglitter · 08/06/2019 03:17

I wouldn't get him to tell them they're not getting your room. That's just making the whole situation weirder than it already is. Just dont even acknowledge hes said anything about it & direct them to the guest room.

Blondebakingmumma · 08/06/2019 03:20

I’d feel very uncomfortable staying in someone’s room. I’d politely decline and stay somewhere else. It’s weird, but you will also have to change two room’s bed linen, which is just a pain

FrowningFlamingo · 08/06/2019 03:36

I think you need to find out why as it’s a really unusual thing to do. Maybe the bed is really uncomfortable and everyone has been to polite to say?!