To not offer my bedroom to guests?

[Tigger0902]

Hi all,
I’m a newbie first of all so hello!
My OH moved into my apartment around 7 months ago. He has some close friends who we go out to dinner etc with and we stay at their house sometimes. They have a 3 bed house, I have a 2 bed flat. They stayed at mine a little over a year ago and I set them up in the spare room. I should add it’s a double room, I have a day bed and trundle in there so plenty of space.
On Tuesday I got a text from my OH saying he had invited them over this weekend and asked if we should offer our room. I replied and said NO to which he said “I already have”. I’ve made it clear I’m not happy about a) him doing this without talking to me about it and b) other people sleeping in my room or my bed.

Am I being unreasonable? I bought a 2 bed so I could have guests stay....in the spare room! And to make things worse, they’re not even the type to say “are you sure you don’t us staying in your room?”

If he doesn't think arrangements in the spare room are good enough for guests, would you be amenable to replacing the furniture (if he contributed, obviously)?

Out of interest why wouldn’t you put your parents in the spare room if the bed is comfortable?

If the alternative for guests was a day bed and trundle, I'd offer my bed. Hospitality is about making your guests as comfortable as possible.

Having to sleep in your bed would make me feel awkward and far more uncomfortable.

Another one who doesn't get why he's asking the OP whether she intends to drink.

Either OP is an embarrassing out of control drunkard, or he's a control freak that doesn't like his gf to drink.

Out of interest why wouldn’t you put your parents in the spare room if the bed is comfortable?

our spare bed is comfortable, but mid-range, because people are unlikely to spend more than a week on it at a time.

My own bed is luxurious , my bedroom is much bigger.

In my current house, I don't really bother anymore because we have decent size rooms now, but in the past our spare room wasn't that big - we kept the nicer rooms for the kids.

I imagine they probably think it’s pretty fucking weird too

category12
OR Maybe he’s buying the drinks

Much a do about nothing

Sleep in your own bed, tell dh he needs to run arrangements by you first.

I’m not even sure why you’re hosting them at all, OP.

They don't’ sound much fun and that’s an understatement.

He was asking if I was drinking as he was going to get drinks so wanted to know how much to get....nothing controlling about it.
I personally think that because they’re so high maintenance, over the years they’ve somehow managed to make him think they do a lot for him but the reality is that he does a hell of a lot more for them and they do the bare minimum any true friend would do anyway.
We’ve had plenty of friends stay in the spare room before so there’s nothing wrong with the spare room. When I’m poorly I like to stay in there myself so if it was uncomfortable I’d have changed it.
I’d offer my room to my parents as they suffer with back problems, and if hospitality is about making guests feel comfortable then that’s what I’m doing. Equally, if these friends said they suffered or she was pregnant or whatever, I would have been so horrified but their own issues are that they think they’re royalty!

It’s said that you should roadtest your guest accommodation. We did - and immediately went out and bought a new mattress! I was brought up to give guests the best bed too but the spare bed is as comfortable as ours now.

So, have I misunderstood this, he's offered them the spare room and they've "turned it down" so he offered them your room?

Nothing less comfortable than taking someone else’s bed, especially when they still have to come in and out of their bedroom to get clean clothes etc.

Super awkward.

So, have I misunderstood this, he's offered them the spare room and they've "turned it down" so he offered them your room? confused

Op, can you clarify?

If you give someone your bed you remove everything you’re going to need before they arrive, just like you do when you go away. No awkwardness.

How can you know what you need? All the first aid stuff is in mine and DH’s bedroom, because there is nowhere in the bathroom that the kids can’t reach.

Giving up your own room when you have a spare is ludicrous and yes, super awkward. A couples bedroom is an intimate space, for cripes sake!

Ours isn’t an intimate space. It’s a bedroom.

Spare room/ spare bed is not uncomfortable at all.

I don’t know if they’ve requested my room tbh. I’m hoping if they had OH would have realised that’s a weird request but right now I couldn’t honestly say! Personally if I offer the spare room and someone turns it down, it’s up to them what they do. I’ve tried to be accommodating but offering your own bed is pushing it.

If they say anything like ‘oh I thought we were in the main bedroom!’ Then be firm and just tell them ‘nope, no one sleeps in my room but me. Unfortunately for you DP didn’t ask me first’. No apologies!

don’t know if they’ve requested my room tbh. I’m hoping if they had OH would have realised that’s a weird request but right now I couldn’t honestly say!

Ok, so he’s already offered them your room to sleep in for the weekend, he’s told you this, you’ve said no way and you have talked to him and feel that ‘the penny has dropped’. What is happening now?

I'd want to know why he thought that was OK, even if he now says he gets it.

Inviting friends over is fine, although a chat with you beforehand would have been reasonable. You could have had plans.

Offering them your bedroom for whatever reason really is not, and I would have been upset at his 'I've already done it'. Disrespectful.

I think my current feelings of anger are two-fold; first for offering our room and second for doing it without even talking to me about it. He now realises neither should have happened and it’s not even a conversation that needs to be had to know for next time.
I’ve told him they’re in the spare room. If they suggest otherwise, I will be making some sort of comment. Depending on how they pose their comment will depend on my response.
If they say “Oh I thought we were in the main room” I will say, “No, the spare room is all set up for you”. If they’re more direct, I will be too, I.e. “Oh...our bedroom? Well that’s weird!”

After all this I wouldn't want them to stay at all. And I know it's your partner's home, but it is actually your house and I'd be incredibly pissed off that he was expecting me to give up my room for these entitled people.

I have occasionally given up our room for guests with children because it's much more sensible to have kids in the spare room, parents in our room and me and my husband sleep downstairs. I am also putting my mother in there when she comes to visit because our spare bed is a futon and I know I will never hear the end of it if I 'force' her to sleep in it. Other than that all guests go in the spare room because that's what it is designed for.
Well done for standing your group OP, hopefully the guests will respect the decision you've made and if they do it sounds like you've got some good rebuttals prepared. Are they coming today?

*ground. Bloody autocorrect