To not offer my bedroom to guests?

[Tigger0902]

Hi all,
I’m a newbie first of all so hello!
My OH moved into my apartment around 7 months ago. He has some close friends who we go out to dinner etc with and we stay at their house sometimes. They have a 3 bed house, I have a 2 bed flat. They stayed at mine a little over a year ago and I set them up in the spare room. I should add it’s a double room, I have a day bed and trundle in there so plenty of space.
On Tuesday I got a text from my OH saying he had invited them over this weekend and asked if we should offer our room. I replied and said NO to which he said “I already have”. I’ve made it clear I’m not happy about a) him doing this without talking to me about it and b) other people sleeping in my room or my bed.

Am I being unreasonable? I bought a 2 bed so I could have guests stay....in the spare room! And to make things worse, they’re not even the type to say “are you sure you don’t us staying in your room?”

Many years ago dh and I were invited to stay at his friends house. They omitted to tell us they expected us to share a single bloody bed. No option to sleep on the sofa - deffo ocd tendencies and that wouldn’t have washed. Now that’s rude. Had we known we would have brought a blow up mattress. Or not had too much to drink and gone home. Your set up is just fine even if the two beds didn’t link together.

Unfortunately yes, they’re coming tonight. I normally love having people over, but not these guys. I’ve even booked a nail appointment for first thing tomorrow morning so I don’t have to see them and deal with their demands for longer than necessary.

I'm confused - why did he even offer your room in the first place? Does he not understand the concept of a spare room?

It’s the pretend question that would bother me. That shows that he knew it was wrong to offer before asking.

What prompted him to offer?

Had they said-your spare bed is uncomfortable? Where will we be sleeping? Can we have your room?

Or did he just come out with ‘your be sleeping in our bed’?!

You sound like you don’t like these people (understandably!)....why are you ok with DP just inviting them to say without even checking?

If my parents came to stay for what ever reason, I’d offer my room
If your going to apply double standards where your parents are concerned under the guise of 'back problems' then don't be surprised if next time he uses the exact same 'reason' to offer your room again.

*you're

more established couple they should get the double?
Huh

I do find it odd he'd offer your room to his friends. I'd be tempted to just put them in the spare room anyway and leave it at that.

I've let my parent use my bedroom but that's because we don't have a spare room, and my parents are very elderly and couldn't sleep on a blow up bed in the living room.

No way should they have your room.

I hope you stick to your guns!

Waiting with interest to see what happens when the "royal" couple find out they're in the spare room again...

If they’re more direct, I will be too, I.e. “Oh...our bedroom? Well that’s weird!”

If you need to ramp it up from there I consider making some comments about your dna stains and hoping they haven’t packed any CSI style UV torches 😬

OH jog on and take your high maintenance friends with you. Job done.

I've been here long enough to learn this sort of OH turns out to be a knob in all sorts of ways.

It’s not double standards, if friends had back or health issues I’d offer the bed but I know for a fact these guys don’t. I have a double air mattress too so if they do say they’d prefer not to have the spare, I’ll whip out the air mattress.
They’re not really my friends, they’re his. Started off as decent people but the longer I’ve known them the more I start to realise and the less I tolerate.
It’s just an absurd offer to make or even to request and I wondered if in thinking it, it made me unreasonable.
Will let you know tomorrow how it all pans out!

It’s not do8ble standards to have different rules for someone you know really well (your mum!) and someone you barely know at all (your boyfriend’s friend).

Ignore anyone who says that!

I wouldn't let anybody sleep in my bed. That’s my one place in the whole house that’s not open to visitors it’s my private personal space. I’d rather pay ££££ than have anyone in my bed.

TOMORROW? We want quarter hourly updates from your ensuite.

If they say oh I thought we were staying in your room, no need for conversation, just say no. You don't need to explain anything.

Hope you have a lovely evening being waited on hand and foot by your OH.

Update us on what happens, won't you?

DP's Mum gives us her room when we stay there.

I HATE it. Really, truly HATE it. There's a spare room, there's a large living room, there's a kitchen, FFS.

Any of those options would be preferable to sleeping in her bed. Apart from the fact that I think it's weird and wrong to tip a grown woman out of her bed for our benefit, she's tiny and has a correspondingly tiny but incredibly high bed with the softest, squishiest memory foam mattress that kills my back - and it's on bloody castors, so rolls away from the wall if you try and turn over a bit sharpish when you've woken up for the third time that night with hip pain.

DP doesn't want to hurt his Mum's feelings by saying we'd rather not sleep in her bed because she's doing it to be nice. Well, that niceness makes me uncomfortable in more than one way.

Next time we're down that way, we are booking an Air BnB. After checking they don't have child sized beds and a shit mattress, at any rate.

I would never offer anybody my bed to sleep in. Ever.

Op are is your boyfriend my ex?! Seriously he did this a number of times and i hated it.
He was a bit of a faux hippy / trustifarian and believed it made him seem oh-so-humble. He actually said he got the habit from when he did a home stay in India on his gap-yah (huge eyeroll).
He would offer our bed to all and sundry, even if it was just one person staying, without even consulting me.
Unfortunately his fake ass humility didn't extend to his treatment of me who he felt he was vastly superior to. God I'm getting all cross remembering what a massive tit he was!
Sleep in your own bed. Personally I would feel weird sleeping in a couples private space.

here's a spare room, there's a large living room, there's a kitchen,

I love that you added the kitchen to your list

They don’t sound like nice friends from what you say. Hope y goes OK tonight.

Well, it's got the Rayburn in it, so it's nice and warm and simultaneously well away from his mother and with a door to the outside for going out at 2am to see the stars/5am dawn chorus as it's in a village in the middle of the moors with no street lighting

I'd sleep there. And the quarry tiles are probably better for my back than the squishy mattress.