To not offer my bedroom to guests?

[Tigger0902]

Hi all,
I’m a newbie first of all so hello!
My OH moved into my apartment around 7 months ago. He has some close friends who we go out to dinner etc with and we stay at their house sometimes. They have a 3 bed house, I have a 2 bed flat. They stayed at mine a little over a year ago and I set them up in the spare room. I should add it’s a double room, I have a day bed and trundle in there so plenty of space.
On Tuesday I got a text from my OH saying he had invited them over this weekend and asked if we should offer our room. I replied and said NO to which he said “I already have”. I’ve made it clear I’m not happy about a) him doing this without talking to me about it and b) other people sleeping in my room or my bed.

Am I being unreasonable? I bought a 2 bed so I could have guests stay....in the spare room! And to make things worse, they’re not even the type to say “are you sure you don’t us staying in your room?”

Growing up my parents always said to offer guests the best bed so in your scenario that would be your bed.
I don't see how someone sleeping in your bed like them sharing your toothbrush or knickers. I presume that person never stays in a hotel, holiday cottage or friend's spare room as surely that would be akin to renting knickers!
However I think it's too soon for your DP to offer out your room, I suspect that the couple found the day bed uncomfortable.

That's ridiculous tabby

So let me get this straight - this is YOUR flat that he (fairly) recently moved into
These are HIS friends
He invited them over without telling you and then offered them YOUR room without asking you first even tho you have a 2 bed flat exactly for this reason??

He is your problem not the room. Cancel the weekend. Don't have them. Even if the bed is uncomfortable they don't get to complain as they are guests and you are giving them a place to stay. Definitely don't give them your bedroom, that's just not on

Can you replace the daybed with a proper double so that it’s a nice guest room for people to stay in. That said, he’s completely out of line to invite guests without asking and offer up your bedroom. It’s a very strange thing to do.

As a guest I'd feel weird kicking you out of your bedroom. I've stayed with friends many times and the only time I've stayed in friends master bedrooms is with my best friend when she was on her own or her husband st the time was away because their guest room was small with a tiny bed so we swapped if I was down with my DH

My husband has done this before too! So strange to hear of it happening to someone else. Once we lived in a tiny granny flat that was really only big enough for one, let alone two. Some friends of his were visiting and he actually insisted they stay at our place and we would go to a hotel! Explained to me that they had put him up in the past so he felt obliged to put them up! Curiouser and curiouser.

No you are not BU. I couldn’t ever let anyone sleep in my room if I had a spare room, that’s just silly .

The problem is that your partner just moved in and made arrangeents without even asking you! I've had a 2 bed house before, guests stayed in the spare room on a pull out futon. Never have i, nor would i give up my bed! That's just werid. Ask him to cancel it and to ask you next time beforehand. Nip it in the bud op otherwise it will keep happening.

Why would he do that? All your stuff is in there.

What's the outcome OP?

He's making himself at home isn't he?! Tell him you're not moving out of your bedroom, but he's welcome to move out

Offering your room only makes sense if there is something unsuitable about the Guest room . For example at PILs we used to sleep in their room as it had room for the cot and the spare didn' t. Now DDs are older we don't use their room.

I’d say to friends when they arrive ‘oh I think BF forgot we have a spare room for guests’ and just put them in there.

To him I’d just say ‘absolutely no, they can’t stay in our room’.

You said that you've got a day bed and a trundle in the spare room. Do they come together to form a double bed or are you giving them 2 singles? If the latter is he thinking that as they are the more established couple they should get the double?

That’s actually very weird given there’s a guest room and I’d want to know why he thought it appropriate, I’d be very pissed off with him.

Unless there's some reason (e.g. disability or infirmity) they need your room then I'm surprised they even accepted the offer. Even if the bed isn''t a real double I'm sure they'll manage. DH and I have been together since we were 17 and can cope with sleeping a few feet away from each other for one night!

What an odd thing to do? Why would they want your room?

Obviously you are not going to give them your room, BUT op why on earth are you having a relationship with a man that treats you like this?

It is your apartment, your home, not his.

I would very wary continuing a relationship with a man that clearly has so little respect for you and your home, and feels his opinion and choices trump yours, even when it is your apartment. You have a problem and it goes far deeper than a spare room.

Well your spare room is also your bedroom in a sense, so they can have that just fine. What a prune move. If they care that they get your own personal bedroom they are sillier and ruder than he is. Does he think they want to sniff your unchanged sheets or something? Odd.

Sleeping in your bed is nothing like sharing underwear or knickers that's ridiculous but there's still no need for it if you have an adequate spare room.I'd only offer my room to guests is there was some reason they needed it (e.g. a family with small kids who couldn't all fit in the spare room). Likewise I wouldn't want to chuck someone else out of their room if I was staying with them as I'd feel awkward.

Why did he do that? What’s the reason behind it?

Unless there's some underlying reason such as disability, I can't see why this would be offered or accepted. Even if there is a good reason, you should have been consulted before it was offered to the guests.
Guests can put up with slightly sub optimal sleeping arrangements for one night - what's wrong with the floor if they find the bed uncomfortable? Or they could bring their own airbed?

When they arrive go for a
“Hi! Welcome!!!
So good to see you!!!
I’ve set up the spare room up for you guys do you want to put your coats and things in there and I’ll get you a drink! glass of wine okay? Or a beer?!”

If they say anything like “oh we thought we were in your room” look at them and laugh and say “ha! of course not! that’s what the guest room is for ”

Basically, don’t give them any or him any option. Just put them in the spare room from the moment they enter and do not debate it.

Dare I say it this is a hill I would die on because I just think what your boyfriend has done is SO very disrespectful And if he can’t see that then you have a big problem...

The only time we have given up our bed was when the ILs were staying with us to do some childcare. We didn't have a spare room at the time so the DC all were in one room, we went into the smallest room with DH on a blow up bed on the floor and PILs got our bed. But PILs were in their late 70s and FIL would not have been able to cope with the blow up bed.

We have a bigger house now and had an invasion of ILs at Christmas (7 extra adults). They were in the spare room, in the kids room (kids shared a room again), on the sofa beds and blow up beds. No way was I giving up my bed when I was doing all the work to entertain them all.

I wonder if the friends hinted they weren’t comfortable in the spare room or something. I still think YANBU though.