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AIBU?

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Original poster

How do I stop being angry about this?

222 replies

upsetmum304 · 07/06/2019 07:20

I need some advice and for someone to say I'm not being really unreasonable. I'm so angry with my boyfriend at the moment and can't calm myself down and I feel I may do something I regret.

Last night he went out at 8pm for what he says was his works night out. He was picked up by a male friend who he works with that I've never met and don't know much about but that he seems to be spending quite a bit of time with recently.

I didnt think he would be out long as we have a newborn son and he has work today. I text him at half 9 to let him know that I've felt really down and lonely today (I think I may have PND).

I get a text at half 11 saying he will be home soon. Half 1 comes and he still isn't here. Then phone is switched off. I text his mum saying I'm worried, she contacts him also and gets nothing back at first until half 2 when he says he's alright and that he'll be home soon. He doesn't respond to my messages and I hear nothing from him until 3.25 where he says he is waiting for a taxi. Past 4am arrives and he finally arrives home. He's a drunken mess and crashes on the couch.

I've just heard his alarms go off for work and he's completely slept through them. I've woke him up and he's gone back to sleep.

What the fuck is going on? How do I calm down? I feel like I hate him for leaving me with my son who he knows has been very fussy and hard work recently. I'm sick of him being able to have a life and do whatever the fuck when he wants when I can't.

Where do I go from here? Sad

OP posts:
BobTheDuvet · 07/06/2019 07:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
upsetmum304 · 07/06/2019 07:39

@Slicedpineapple yep he had PL and was helpful with everything. But then again he had to be because I had a very traumatic birth that ended in a EMCS.

Agree that he must hope I will just get up and deal with our son

OP posts:
crazyasafox · 07/06/2019 07:39

@upsetmum34 Why did you have a child with a man when you aren't you married to him?

He sounds like a toddler. He probably won't change. You have my sympathy. It's gonna be a rough ride. I would looking at ways to leave this manchild if it were me.

PMSL at the suggestion of a spa date with your mates!!! Why does someone ALWAYS come out with that wacky suggestion?!! Grin

Divebar · 07/06/2019 07:39

You’re right he sounds irresponsible. Did you think that having a baby with him was going to make him mend his ways? Are you both very young because that’s how it sounds in your OP.? I’m really sorry that you’re upset but it doesn’t sound like you’ve hitched your waggon to a man who’s is ever going to prioritise you or your child above his own needs.

Xmas2020 · 07/06/2019 07:39

He went on a night out ffs which you knew about but then started to text him within 90 minutes of him leaving the house.

I think YABU, you mentioned you think you might have Pnd to him on his night out, was that to make him come home? Could you not of told him that before he went out?

Im sat reading this whilst feeding my baby OP, and i get your tired etc etc, but i think your wrong. You even got his mum involved because he did not answer you.

BigChocFrenzy · 07/06/2019 07:39

Those trying to excuse this late drunken binge:

he hasn't got up for work
he's been late before

he is probably in danger of losing his job

Original poster
upsetmum304 · 07/06/2019 07:40

@BobTheDuvet I couldn't have said it any better myself

OP posts:
Slicedpineapple · 07/06/2019 07:40

Of course, a spa day will sort it

I was merely suggesting that the OP tries to get some me time in, seeing as she has carried a child for 9 months and now feels unsupported by her DP. At the very least it will allow a few hours of relaxation and normality. What is wrong with that? If he is allowed time to himself, why shouldn't the OP have the same?

There are obviously other issues that need to be looked at but no harm in doing something for herself for a few hours if the baby is being well cared for.

Drogosnextwife · 07/06/2019 07:40

Well there more poems than him going out and coming home really drunk. Have you ever spoken to him about how lazy he is?

Original poster
upsetmum304 · 07/06/2019 07:41

I don't think I can continue with the relationship. He won't change his ways and this will happen again. He is not willing to make sacrifices for our son and that is something I cannot deal with.

OP posts:
Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 07/06/2019 07:42

I think you are mixing two separate issues. You feel exhausted and want him to come home and help with the baby.
Him going out twice a week and getting blind drunk so he misses work.

They aren’t the same thing.

One is fairly universal and part of the exhaustion of having a teeny baby, the other is irresponsible.

I do have to say that he is allowed a night out and unless you were in some sort of trouble phoning him at 9:30 to say come home is a bit much. I’d go and stay with my sibling or my parents for the weekend, and get some sleep, but I appreciate that isn’t an option for everyone.

You can do it all. Take some time to think about how you want it to be and how to get there.

AlphaBlocks · 07/06/2019 07:42

OP didn't "basically tell him to come home", she tried to guilt trip him.

OP, what you wanted wasn't unreasonable but you should've explicitly said "I need/want you to come home" or even raised it before he went out. He has been an arse. My impression is that the issue is that hes not supporting you more broadly, this night out just highlighted how you feel alone in raising your DS. No advice really, you are justified in being pissed off, not necessarily just for going out but for the whole picture of not supporting you in raising your (both) child.

MsTSwift · 07/06/2019 07:42

Why did you choose him as father for your child? He sounds like a loser. I would be mentally and practically prepping for going it alone if he can’t be relied on. Nightmare.

TheChineseChicken · 07/06/2019 07:43

I'm surprised by these responses - does everyone really think it's ok that with a 5 week old OP's boyfriend goes out until 4 and gets steaming drunk leaving her alone looking after the baby, which she has presumably been doing all day? Because I don't and it's not something my DH would ever have done. A couple of quiet drinks until say 10pm, sure, but that's very different.

Original poster
upsetmum304 · 07/06/2019 07:43

@Xmas2020 I didn't specifically say to him that I think I have PND. I said I'd been upset that day.

Ps. He was the one to text me first after leaving the house. Not vice Versa.

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 07/06/2019 07:43

Not sure why people are say it’s ok. Yes he went out and got hammered but it was a week night and he’s risking getting sacked for not turning up at work, if he keeps doing this he could end up jobless and unable to support his child?

Poor OP is at home with a 5 week old baby, she’s feel down with possible PND, those first weeks/months with a newborn are not easy and he should be home supporting her in the evenings not getting pissed up with his work mates.

Drogosnextwife · 07/06/2019 07:43

Problems, not poems.

Original poster
upsetmum304 · 07/06/2019 07:44

@TheChineseChicken exactly. Thank you

OP posts:
Drogosnextwife · 07/06/2019 07:45

It shouldn't matter that you might have pnd, obviously you would need more support but he is giving you none as it is by the sounds of things. Pnd shouldn't be the reason he stays in to look after his child, or gets up to go to work.

Original poster
upsetmum304 · 07/06/2019 07:46

He's now throwing up downstairs. He needs to get a grip.

I can't imagine doing what he's done

OP posts:
Original poster
upsetmum304 · 07/06/2019 07:49

I just managed to get my son back to sleep and want to try to get a couple hours in myself but I'll have to stay up to make sure he goes to work.

He can't afford to lose his job, we have a house to run as well as a child to support.

OP posts:
CaMePlaitPas · 07/06/2019 07:50

Unacceptable. OP I'm with you on this, you need someone supportive, responsible and mature, this person is none of those things.

NameChangeNugget · 07/06/2019 07:50

Sounds like to me, he’s trying to escape from reality.

Did you push for the baby or him?

blushmelikeyou · 07/06/2019 07:50

You have overreacted a little bit and to send a text like that when you know he's out is a little heavy for him to deal with when out with friends. You should of waited to have a conversation with him in person.

I know how hard it is the newborn stage and especially with all the hormones and you may have pnd. But you need to let this go and when he finally stops throwing up and comes round a little more sit down and have a conversation about how down you feel and you need more support from him. Book an appointment with your GP too. Take the baby for a walk once your dressed to clear your head and calm you down

Drogosnextwife · 07/06/2019 07:50

Tbf I would be throwing up if I was out getting hammered till 4 in the morning. I would really make him suffer today. Cook smelly food, have the hoover on a lot, maybe even put some picture up in the wall with a hammer. In all seriousness he does need to get a grip and you need to sit him down and tell him that either he shapes up or ships out, you might aswell be alone.

Ps. I would actually do all those things to really piss him off, but I'm a very petty person Grin

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