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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this wasn’t my fault?

245 replies

BrainScience · 05/06/2019 16:14

At a soft play today with my 3yo. The place is absolutely massive, probably one of the biggest ones in the country. Dc’s are allowed in the mainframe bit unaccompanied but due to the being an exit from both the top and bottom floor and it being big enough for me not to hear dc if he gets stuck/ lost/ hurt so follow him around (and go on all the slides because they’re actually really fun).

Anyway I take our shoes off and leave them with my bag at a table on the bottom floor and go into the play frame with dc. When we come out after about 45 minutes my bag is on the floor with the contents everywhere, cards out of purse, car keys on floor etc. There is also some tablets on the floor - I keep a sheet (8 tablets) of Nurofen plus in my bag, plus a sheet of microgynon (contraceptive pill) zipped up in the inside pocket of my bag in case I ever get a headache or realise I’ve forgotten to take pill at home.

I start tidying it up, immediately assuming I’ve been robbed and thinking how to get home, who to call etc. When woman comes trotting over and says ‘Oh god, sorry. I saw Molly* playing over here but didnt realise she’d gone through your bag! What a little monster!’ and starts to help tidying it up. I mention the tablets are out of the foil and count the ones I pick up. The Nurofen is in sheets of 8 and I can only find 7 tablets, definitely 8 in there before. Everyone has a bit of a panic asking little girl, only 18mo or so, if she’d put any in her mouth, she didn’t really understand. I then find the last tablet at the bottom of my bag (phew!).

A member of staff comes over and wants to fill in an incident form, just in case girl had swallowed any. Woman (who was a childminder rather than parent) still really worried about little girl but I was certain there were only 8 and they still had the print on them so hadn’t got wet. I give my number to both staff member and childminder and ask childminder to call me just to let me know girl is ok.

I then get a lecture from staff member about how if I left medication unattended again I wouldn’t be allowed to return, with childminder clearly taking side of staff member. There are no lockers on the floor we were on (there’s a few on the top floor but they’re generally out of order) and I am normally perfectly happy taking the risk of leaving my bag on the bottom floor at the table.

Aibu to have medicine in a zipped pocket of my bag? I have genuinely never given it a thought but I was made to feel like a was leaving a plate of cocaine on the table for kids to help themselves to. If a kid does injure themselves on anything they take out of my closed bag, surely it’s the fault of the adult not supervising their child? Or am I just being ridiculously thoughtless about it all?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 05/06/2019 16:18

Well you shouldn't leave bags unattended and childminders should pay more attention to their charges.

A bum bag would be handy for this sort of thing.

eurochick · 05/06/2019 16:18

The childminder should have been watching her charge. It was her fault. I would have been outraged that a child had been left to rifle through my bag!

gamerchick · 05/06/2019 16:19
  • as in in case they get stolen, not for some random child having a rummage.
gamerchick · 05/06/2019 16:20

It's a pity you didn't ask for the contact details of the kids parents.

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 05/06/2019 16:23

You must live somewhere really nice, I definitely wouldn't leave my bag unattended for that long with my phone, keys, purse etc in it. The child minder should've been watching the child, she must've been going through your bag for at least a few minutes, to open up the compartments and get everything out like that, I bet that's not how she tells the parent it happened, if she tells them at all!

Krazykitty · 05/06/2019 16:24

Not your fault at all. Childminder should be keeping an eye on them. She must’ve not been taking any notice of the girl for quite a while as she had a chance to unzip and get all the contents out.

I’m not sure I would’ve given my number Hmm

icantthinkofanothernewname · 05/06/2019 16:24

I don't think you were in the wrong. The kid must have been at your bag for a fair few minutes to do all that damage. The CM should have been keeping a closer eye.
And you didn't leave meds unattended. You left them zipped up in your bag!

CottonSock · 05/06/2019 16:24

I keep only my phone, cards and keys on me in soft play. Yanbu.

BrainScience · 05/06/2019 16:27

I had my phone in my pocket with debit card in the case and there was no cash in my purse. It was just boots, NT cards etc that were all over the place. It’s a place out in the middle of nowhere (can’t get phone signal, one of the reasons I go in the play frame!).

OP posts:
BrainScience · 05/06/2019 16:28

krazykitty yeah lim not sure why I gave her my number. She was really shaken up at the time but then quickly took the side of the staff member when I started getting the blame!

OP posts:
HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 05/06/2019 16:30

You were both U. Her for not watching her charge and you for leaving your things unattended (both for theft risk and around tiny children!)

MadamMMA · 05/06/2019 16:31

That’s outrageous! YANBU

B3ck89 · 05/06/2019 16:34

Not your fault at all, an 18 month old should be under total supervision.
My youngest is 18 months on Friday and when I take him to soft play I don’t take my eyes off him.
I wouldn’t bite my tongue, I would have made it perfectly clear to the child minder that it wouldn’t have happened if she was actually watching the child

sweeneytoddsrazor · 05/06/2019 16:36

Considering there was a thread on here about an unattended bag in a park and most people thought the emergency services should be called then I think you shouldnt leave your bag unattended. Yes child should have been watched more closely but you most definitely should not be leaving medicines unattended in the vicinity of young children.

Outanabout · 05/06/2019 16:36

Gosh, I can see how it happened, but I'd never have left tablets unattended in those circumstances. Not much good being in the right if a child got hold of them.

MrsPMT · 05/06/2019 16:39

Definitely not your fault. I've left a bag on a chair with my coat at soft play. Child should be supervised.

blackteasplease · 05/06/2019 16:43

Yanbu. I agree child should be supervised. Although I also think you're trusting to leave your valuables!

MorondelaFrontera · 05/06/2019 16:44

The woman is a complete idiot, of course it wasn't your fault! How can a childminder leave a child unattended like this, it's a disgrace.

I have very big handbags when I am with the kids, and inside keep a very small one holding keys/phone/wallet which I put on in soft plays, and leave the bigger bag on chairs.

It would never have occur to me not to leave medication because some child might rummage in there and eat them! What a ridiculous idea!

MorondelaFrontera · 05/06/2019 16:45

I think I would mention the incident on my local FB group, which might alert the parents - that childminder is not suitable.

DM1209 · 05/06/2019 16:48

I do not know anyone that takes their bag with them onto a climbing frame at soft play or that has a specific 'bum bag' for this purpose.
I carry medications around in my bag including 2 epi-pens for my DC, headache tablets for me (they are necessary!) and my inhaler. I do not expect any parent or childcare provider to have such a lax approach to their charge that there is time to not only rifle through a bag but also take pills out of their foil.

Completely the fault of the CM and if I was her client and that had been my child put at risk, I would not be upset with you at all, but with her!

Most people leave their bags and coats piled under their table! It's standard practice. Cannot believe people are even remotely trying to say it was your fault.

Lazy CM and ignorant staff member. I hope you're ok OP.

Drum2018 · 05/06/2019 16:51

While I wouldn't leave my bag unattended (wouldn't trust anyone) it's definitely not your fault that the childminder was not doing her job. I bet the parents will be thrilled to be paying her while she sits back and lets the child wander off long enough to rifle through a handbag and manage to pop a blister pack of pills. I'd sack her!

DM1209 · 05/06/2019 16:52

What do people do!? Empty medication out into a bag in their car and then head in to only then put it all back in the bag afterwards!? That's insane. What about parents and families that carry lots of different medication for different conditions such as me with my bulky ass epi-pens which would never fit in a bum bag and I wouldn't be seen dead wearing one regardless!

Crazy people to think a random child and their wellbeing is your responsibility. It is not and you have no duty of care to any child other than the one that enters the building with you.

Karigan195 · 05/06/2019 16:52

The person not watching the 18mo is to blame. Is she often allowed to rummage through bags and help herself to the content. Love to see her explain it if the kid had wandered off with your money. Principles no different

OKBobble · 05/06/2019 16:54

If the parents or place call you say I am so glad you have called. I want you to know that your childminder was clearly not watching your child and allowed her to go through someone else's bag and remove a whole number of items. Has she apologised to you for this?

SnuggyBuggy · 05/06/2019 16:56

I'd have laughed in her face, it was her responsibility to keep the 18 month old away from strangers bags.

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