To think this wasn’t my fault?

[BrainScience]

At a soft play today with my 3yo. The place is absolutely massive, probably one of the biggest ones in the country. Dc’s are allowed in the mainframe bit unaccompanied but due to the being an exit from both the top and bottom floor and it being big enough for me not to hear dc if he gets stuck/ lost/ hurt so follow him around (and go on all the slides because they’re actually really fun).

Anyway I take our shoes off and leave them with my bag at a table on the bottom floor and go into the play frame with dc. When we come out after about 45 minutes my bag is on the floor with the contents everywhere, cards out of purse, car keys on floor etc. There is also some tablets on the floor - I keep a sheet (8 tablets) of Nurofen plus in my bag, plus a sheet of microgynon (contraceptive pill) zipped up in the inside pocket of my bag in case I ever get a headache or realise I’ve forgotten to take pill at home.

I start tidying it up, immediately assuming I’ve been robbed and thinking how to get home, who to call etc. When woman comes trotting over and says ‘Oh god, sorry. I saw Molly* playing over here but didnt realise she’d gone through your bag! What a little monster!’ and starts to help tidying it up. I mention the tablets are out of the foil and count the ones I pick up. The Nurofen is in sheets of 8 and I can only find 7 tablets, definitely 8 in there before. Everyone has a bit of a panic asking little girl, only 18mo or so, if she’d put any in her mouth, she didn’t really understand. I then find the last tablet at the bottom of my bag (phew!).

A member of staff comes over and wants to fill in an incident form, just in case girl had swallowed any. Woman (who was a childminder rather than parent) still really worried about little girl but I was certain there were only 8 and they still had the print on them so hadn’t got wet. I give my number to both staff member and childminder and ask childminder to call me just to let me know girl is ok.

I then get a lecture from staff member about how if I left medication unattended again I wouldn’t be allowed to return, with childminder clearly taking side of staff member. There are no lockers on the floor we were on (there’s a few on the top floor but they’re generally out of order) and I am normally perfectly happy taking the risk of leaving my bag on the bottom floor at the table.

Aibu to have medicine in a zipped pocket of my bag? I have genuinely never given it a thought but I was made to feel like a was leaving a plate of cocaine on the table for kids to help themselves to. If a kid does injure themselves on anything they take out of my closed bag, surely it’s the fault of the adult not supervising their child? Or am I just being ridiculously thoughtless about it all?

You live somewhere where they destroy bags that have been left unattended at soft play? Does the soft play have its own bomb disposal facilities or do they call the police?

I actually can't stop laughing at this.. 😂

Yanbu

It was the CM's fault. When my DDs were 18 months old, their adoption hadn't been finalised, so they still had social workers visiting. Believe me, if I'd failed to supervise them closely enough at soft play and they had taken someone else's medication, it would have been me who would have been held responsible, not the random person whose handbag she had opened. I never let them out of my sight at 18 months, you can't at 18 months.

YANBU, OP.

Who leaves a child unattended? The member of staff is rather misguided. Would it be my fault if someone stole my house or car. It clearly would be the thief / thieves fault

I would have been absolutely livid if a childminder didn't notice that the child they were 'caring for' had riffled through my whole bag, mainly because that poor girl isn't being looked after properly! I bet 'Molly's' parents would be heartbroken to know this is the standard of care their daughter is getting. It's a shame you didn't get their number, I'd want to know if I was them! It is absolutely ludicrous the blame was pushed on you!

I would be much too paranoid to leave my keys and purse unattended. Fair enough, your purse only had loyalty cards in it but I still wouldn’t want it to be rifled through. Maybe in the future keep your keys in a clothing pocket on your person, and leave the purse at home - you can switch all your physical loyalty cards to virtual loyalty cards on your phone (Stocard app) all you need to do is scan the phone barcode when you’re shopping.

As far as the actual incident I think the childminder was at fault. Seems like the kid was left unattended for more than a brief second if she managed to rummage to that extent!

While I agree with PP that you probably shouldn't have left your bag unattended, the childminder's job is to look after her charge which she obviously wasn't doing. The child was 18 months old and for her to have taken things out of your bag including an internal zipped up pocket would've taken quite a while as toddlers aren't famous for their co-ordination.

a couple of places don’t allow bags at all except where there is a medical need and even then they need to be kept on your person at all times.

So how do people bring nappies? wipes? a drink for the child?

Not everybody goes to softplay by car, there are even benighted parents who don't drive at all.

People are laughing at the bumbag suggestion but I have a sports one for running, to hold my phone and keys and it's really great for other active situations like soft play. I'm ok with leaving a nappy bag on the side but if I'm playing with DD I always have my purse, phone and keys either in my pocket or my bumbag. No shame.

Having said that, OP you are definitely not at fault here. An 18 month old shouldn't be left unattended to rifle through people's bags, it's crazy for them to blame you.

I'm surprised at a PP's suggestion that a childminder cannot be expected to watch their charge all the time. She was WORKING. Being paid to do just that. It wouldn't fly in other jobs would it? "Oh sorry boss, the production line has backed up and thrown the product all over the floor because I can't be expected to watch it every minute can I?"
Now me, I'm the mum. I'm with them 24/7. I'd probably pay a little less attention to what they're up to because i generally know they wouldn't pull that crap and should anything happen with MY children, it's on ME. By the sounds of it, the CM knew the child had been up to something and was aware that could happen.

OP I hope the parents do get in contact with you so you can tell them about their Childminder.

I knew a woman who went to pick up her 7 year old from the CM and found her playing in the garden unsupervised with much younger children. Fine. The garden wasn't locked but it was closed. She went inside and found CM asleep on the sofa. When she woke her and said she was there to pick up her DD, CM said, "Well you didn't have to wake me!". Even if the kids were old enough to play unsupervised, if you're paid to supervise, you bloody well do that.

@greydayatmosphere

and a child that young should be watched all the time

That's impossible. Its a ridiculous expectation. No-one can do this

What a crock of shit!! I have been a nanny for 30+ years, I have had baby twins and big families (5 children from 15 (autistic) to 2 years old) I have never lost sight of any of my charges. Once they are 4/5 they have a little more autonomy and can go in the soft play or a fenced in park by themselves but I we have strict rules and I still keep an eye on them (I can usually hear them giggling and laughing) I don’t go to soft play in school holidays or after 3pm as I cannot bear the noise and some children are feral, it’s not fun for me or my charges.

I would never ever let a child go through someone else’s bag, be it a handbag, nappy bag or a big bag of toys!

I also always carry a first aid kit with me with varying medications for the children, including calpol and neurofen sachets, inhaler, epipen, varying creams, lotions and potions. There are also scissors, needle nosed tweezers and safety pins. I also keep painkillers for myself and any medication I might need. My charges know that it’s out of bounds, it’s in a first aid green bag.

OP you are so not being unreasonable (I’m so stunned and shocked by some of these comments that I have to write it out in full!!)

I don't see how you were unreasonable - we all take our bags to softplay, and there are many reasons why we might step away from them from time to time - bottom line is that children should not be left unattended to go into people's bags! There are lots of normal things adults carry in our bags that could be dangerous to an unattended child (eg I carry car-sickness tablets for my DD), we should not be expected to have entirely child-friendly bag items. That's why the items are in our bags, to keep them away from children!
Sorry this happened to you OP, you should not feel bad - the childminder is at fault and is deflecting the blame to you unfairly, and the staff treated you appallingly.

@Notnownotneverever

The OP did not any child at risk, the lazy person who should be watching (and being paid to look after) the child in her care is the one putting the child at risk.

As others have said, people carry all sorts in their bags, children like to rummage, eep an eye on your nosey toddler. Which to be fair to the childminder, she did keep an eye on her, while her charge emptied someone else’s bag!!!

And about the bum bag, North Americans call it a "fanny pack"

Its the soft play center's fault for not providing lockers. They are being cheap. I guess as the parents of the child could have sued them if the kid had eaten one, they decided to make it your responsibility. Not allowed to have medicine in your bag or you will be banned? What bollocks! I wonder legally if they would have been culpable?

I assume they sell hot drinks. By their logic you should have looked them straight in the eye and said

'so let me get this straight - by your policies/statements anything at my table is my responsibility at all times, including all drinks left on the tables, even if I go take my DC to the toilet? So if they were scolded by grabbing it at that time? Who would be at fault then?'

Missing point but I'm wondering why adults feel the need to follow their children into the soft play frames. If they can't manage it alone, surely they're too little?

I wouldn't want my unaccompanied child wandering into a ball pit or in some unseen place where there are unknown adults when I am outside (nursing a baby, say).

I did say why I followed him in - there is another exit on the top floor, it’s too big for me to be able to hear or see him if he’s stuck/ hurt/ lost and I like going down the drop slides.

Absolutely not your fault.

As a parent if my childminder had to tell me my child had eaten a Nurofen in those circumstances I would be furious with them, not you for having something in YOUR handbag that my unattended child managed to find!

I wonder what version she will tell the parents about the days activities.
Oh yes little Molly had a great day until some terrible woman left packets of tablets on the floor of soft play, luckily I was there and saved the day.

I'd love the parents to call so I could tell them the great service they're paying for.