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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this wasn’t my fault?

245 replies

BrainScience · 05/06/2019 16:14

At a soft play today with my 3yo. The place is absolutely massive, probably one of the biggest ones in the country. Dc’s are allowed in the mainframe bit unaccompanied but due to the being an exit from both the top and bottom floor and it being big enough for me not to hear dc if he gets stuck/ lost/ hurt so follow him around (and go on all the slides because they’re actually really fun).

Anyway I take our shoes off and leave them with my bag at a table on the bottom floor and go into the play frame with dc. When we come out after about 45 minutes my bag is on the floor with the contents everywhere, cards out of purse, car keys on floor etc. There is also some tablets on the floor - I keep a sheet (8 tablets) of Nurofen plus in my bag, plus a sheet of microgynon (contraceptive pill) zipped up in the inside pocket of my bag in case I ever get a headache or realise I’ve forgotten to take pill at home.

I start tidying it up, immediately assuming I’ve been robbed and thinking how to get home, who to call etc. When woman comes trotting over and says ‘Oh god, sorry. I saw Molly* playing over here but didnt realise she’d gone through your bag! What a little monster!’ and starts to help tidying it up. I mention the tablets are out of the foil and count the ones I pick up. The Nurofen is in sheets of 8 and I can only find 7 tablets, definitely 8 in there before. Everyone has a bit of a panic asking little girl, only 18mo or so, if she’d put any in her mouth, she didn’t really understand. I then find the last tablet at the bottom of my bag (phew!).

A member of staff comes over and wants to fill in an incident form, just in case girl had swallowed any. Woman (who was a childminder rather than parent) still really worried about little girl but I was certain there were only 8 and they still had the print on them so hadn’t got wet. I give my number to both staff member and childminder and ask childminder to call me just to let me know girl is ok.

I then get a lecture from staff member about how if I left medication unattended again I wouldn’t be allowed to return, with childminder clearly taking side of staff member. There are no lockers on the floor we were on (there’s a few on the top floor but they’re generally out of order) and I am normally perfectly happy taking the risk of leaving my bag on the bottom floor at the table.

Aibu to have medicine in a zipped pocket of my bag? I have genuinely never given it a thought but I was made to feel like a was leaving a plate of cocaine on the table for kids to help themselves to. If a kid does injure themselves on anything they take out of my closed bag, surely it’s the fault of the adult not supervising their child? Or am I just being ridiculously thoughtless about it all?

OP posts:
YourSarcasmIsDripping · 06/06/2019 19:34

OP has a responsibility to not have anything in her bag that will be harmful in the normal day to day interactions that she could expect in a soft play.

Random kids rifling through my bag and turning it upside down with no supervision is in no way a normal,expected interaction.

HolesinTheSoles · 06/06/2019 19:42

Random kids rifling through my bag and turning it upside down with no supervision is in no way a normal,expected interaction.

@YourSarcasmIsDripping Did you not bother to read the rest of the comment? The PP specifically said that kids rifling through bags WASN'T normal day to day interactions!

Vivianebrookskoviak · 06/06/2019 19:45

YANBU.
The childminder should have been watching the child she's supposed to be paid to look after!
You didn't leave the medication unattended,it was in a zipped pocket out of sight! The childminder only sided with the staff member to absolve herself of any blame!
If the parents call you, tell them everything!!

oblada · 06/06/2019 19:49

Of course it isn't your fault! How ridiculous! Do people have special 'soft plays' bags? And bum bags? Nuts!! I take my normal bag to soft plays and it has all sorts of nonsense in it. Not at all suitable for kids rifling through it and I wouldn't any kid to do that anyway!! The cafe area is not the play area and kids should be supervised.

Marmablade · 06/06/2019 19:55

gamerchick

A bum bag would be handy for this sort of thing

Ha ha! As if I'd bring a bumbag to soft play! 😂 Literally never seen that.

OP IMHO you did nothing wrong and it's the supervising adult's fault not yours. I have a little carry case of medication in a zipped inside pocket. Sod carrying it around a soft play area with it potentially falling out of my jeans pocket.

gamerchick · 06/06/2019 19:58

I'm glad I amused you. Confused

MorondelaFrontera · 06/06/2019 20:04

Ha ha! As if I'd bring a bumbag to soft play! 😂 Literally never seen that.

quite a few mums, me included, wear a cross-the-body mini bag kind of things, not sure why that's so hilarious. Others put their phones and keys in their back pocket, doesn't look so comfy or safe, I prefer my bag.

So basically you literally haven't seen everything.

funinthesun19 · 06/06/2019 20:12

If I was the child’s parents, I’d want to know the childminder wasn’t watching my child properly. She was completely in the wrong. The medication was in a sealed bag therefore out of the sight of children. The adults supervising the children should be making sure children in their care do not play with/rummage through people’s bags!

YANBU at all op.

Orangesandlemons82 · 06/06/2019 20:16

YANBU I always take my phone and debit card out but leave my bag on the floor by a table. In my make up bag are painkillers, I would never think I should remove them in case an unsupervised child gets everything out my bag. The child must have been there a while unsupervised. I'm amazed the staff blamed you. Sounds like a terrible childminder!

Raffy2019 · 06/06/2019 20:22

Lol at bumbag suggestion 🤭

Notnownotneverever · 06/06/2019 20:24

Actually I do think you should have removed the medication from your bag is you were going to leave it unattended in a room full of children. It's hardly unheard of that children are not watched every second in a play centre. You did put the children at risk IMO.

Tessabelle74 · 06/06/2019 20:27

My entire bag would have been gone in our local play zone but I don't believe yabu, they were securely in your bag so how long was Molly not being watched for for her to be able to get bag, undo main zip, undo inside zip then push tablets out? The childminder is at fault

Travellingmamma · 06/06/2019 20:34

I’ve carried painkillers in my bag for 20 odd years, very useful when I want one but they normally just expire and I throw them away. Also currently carry two adrenaline pens, antihistamine and an inhaler for my son, all in a ziplock bag, sealed in my handbag, as well as pens, coins, pin badges, lanyards, bag for life and a whole other pile of crap. Before this thread I never for one minute thought about how safe my bag would be if some random toddler was given free range to rifle around inside!

At soft play I always keep my phone in my pocket, because of the minuscule chance that someone will pinch my bag, so I would be able to call for help. We go to a few centres locally and none have lockers, all just state that children should be supervised and lost belongings are not the responsibility of the softplay. Everyone leaves their big bags at their table (in the south east, shock horror!) Not only has my bag never been subjected to a controlled explosion, it’s also never been touched by anyone else.

YANBU, I could maybe understand if toddler had only unzipped the bag and tipped the lot on the floor, however for it all to be pulled out and pills popped out, that child was definitely not checked on for longer than a minute or two.

bonbonours · 06/06/2019 20:37

Totally not OPs fault. If you are supervising a child properly you would notice them rummaging in a stranger's bag and stop them immediately.
As long as it is not illegal, you are perfectly entitled to carry whatever you like around in your bag. It's your property and you shouldn't have to take responsibility for someone taking things out of it without your permission. The childminder has responsibility for the child and her actions.

Elsxlivandmally · 06/06/2019 20:51

So confused at what is funny about that. Hmm

Devora13 · 06/06/2019 20:52

I'd say it's about foreseeability. Is it foreseeable if an 18 month old isn't properly supervised they might get up to something unsafe? Yes. Is it foreseeable that something is to open a stranger's handbag, going into zipped compartments and taking out the contents? Probably. But it was the lack of supervision which provided the opportunity. Of course the childminder took the side of the staff member. It was about deflecting the focus from her own negligence. She would really have been in the s**t if the child had swallowed a load of tablets.

Lucifer666 · 06/06/2019 20:56

Haven't read the whole thread but definitely not your fault! The childminder should have been paying attention clearly that child was there a few mintues to rifle through the whole bag and pull all contents out! The fact she took the staff members side was cheeky and I'd bet she did it so if she does tell the parents you'll get the blame and not her! If you're that unhappy about getting blamed I'd go back and speak to the manager because it's not your responsibilty to supervise a child that's not yours and its not like you left medication out on the table it was zipped up in a bag fgs!

Sandsnake · 06/06/2019 20:57

Definitely not your fault, OP.

I don’t think that the bum bag suggestion is silly! I have a small ski back pack that I take to soft play (if I remember) which means I can still go on the frame with DS and keep my valuables with me. I don’t think that it’s particularly likely that I’d be stolen from, by certain things like work phone and car key could be problematic if taken.

SandAndSeals · 06/06/2019 21:01

Notnownotneverever but on the same wavelength, a child could have taken a pound coin from the OP’s bag and choked on it. Should she therefore remove all her money too?

mycatislickingherpaw · 06/06/2019 21:32

Is the bum bag what Americans call a fanny bag? 😬😬

gamerchick · 06/06/2019 21:41

Is the bum bag what Americans call a fanny bag

Really? Hmm

Fuck me, I feel ancient Grin

supermommyof4 · 06/06/2019 21:44

Tbh if the child had enough time to do all that then she wasn't properly supervised at all. Child minder is at fault not you OP. I would be tempted to pop pill in a zipped pocket on me though rather than in my bag and I would be very concerned about having my purse keys etc stolen leaving my bag unattended.

user1471590586 · 06/06/2019 21:44

Calling it a fanny bag is just wrong.

gamerchick · 06/06/2019 21:47

I don’t think that the bum bag suggestion is silly

Heh people have no idea how much you can fit in one of those things. They're like having a tardis strapped to your body that never has to be put down. If I'm at a theme park the last thing I want is to fuck about with a handbag when all my shit and basic first aid can fit around my body without having to think about it.

People are strange Wink

supermommyof4 · 06/06/2019 21:51

@MorondelaFrontera totally agree, as a mother of 4 and a one point 3 under 5 and still managed to watch them all. It is possible and you must be able to.fully supervise young children.