To think this wasn’t my fault?

[BrainScience]

At a soft play today with my 3yo. The place is absolutely massive, probably one of the biggest ones in the country. Dc’s are allowed in the mainframe bit unaccompanied but due to the being an exit from both the top and bottom floor and it being big enough for me not to hear dc if he gets stuck/ lost/ hurt so follow him around (and go on all the slides because they’re actually really fun).

Anyway I take our shoes off and leave them with my bag at a table on the bottom floor and go into the play frame with dc. When we come out after about 45 minutes my bag is on the floor with the contents everywhere, cards out of purse, car keys on floor etc. There is also some tablets on the floor - I keep a sheet (8 tablets) of Nurofen plus in my bag, plus a sheet of microgynon (contraceptive pill) zipped up in the inside pocket of my bag in case I ever get a headache or realise I’ve forgotten to take pill at home.

I start tidying it up, immediately assuming I’ve been robbed and thinking how to get home, who to call etc. When woman comes trotting over and says ‘Oh god, sorry. I saw Molly* playing over here but didnt realise she’d gone through your bag! What a little monster!’ and starts to help tidying it up. I mention the tablets are out of the foil and count the ones I pick up. The Nurofen is in sheets of 8 and I can only find 7 tablets, definitely 8 in there before. Everyone has a bit of a panic asking little girl, only 18mo or so, if she’d put any in her mouth, she didn’t really understand. I then find the last tablet at the bottom of my bag (phew!).

A member of staff comes over and wants to fill in an incident form, just in case girl had swallowed any. Woman (who was a childminder rather than parent) still really worried about little girl but I was certain there were only 8 and they still had the print on them so hadn’t got wet. I give my number to both staff member and childminder and ask childminder to call me just to let me know girl is ok.

I then get a lecture from staff member about how if I left medication unattended again I wouldn’t be allowed to return, with childminder clearly taking side of staff member. There are no lockers on the floor we were on (there’s a few on the top floor but they’re generally out of order) and I am normally perfectly happy taking the risk of leaving my bag on the bottom floor at the table.

Aibu to have medicine in a zipped pocket of my bag? I have genuinely never given it a thought but I was made to feel like a was leaving a plate of cocaine on the table for kids to help themselves to. If a kid does injure themselves on anything they take out of my closed bag, surely it’s the fault of the adult not supervising their child? Or am I just being ridiculously thoughtless about it all?

Actually with a 3 year old I dont think I would be leaving any medication in my bag anyway. Do you take your toddler or bag to the toilet with you at home? Very easy for a 3 year old to access medicine from a handbag. Maybe time to find somewhere else to keep it.

The child minder should have been watching her, at that age like a hawk ... it must have taken a good few minutes to tip out most of your bag and remove tablets from their sleeve - my kids at that age were never out of my sight - that's not good child minding in my opinion and not your fault at all

There are no lockers on the floor we were on (there’s a few on the top floor but they’re generally out of order)

I actually think the soft play place is at fault for not providing secure lookers as well as the CM.

YANBU, zipped in a side pocket in a fastened handbag, should be secure enough to leave. Are you sure the child minder didn't tell the staff member that you had left them on the side to save her arse?

Yes I am well aware how to take the contraceptive pill thank you. But obviously it wasnt being taken whilst they were in soft play so could have been left in the car if it was necessary to take them before or after.

I don't think you did anything wrong. CM is blame shifting to cover her own arse. Reminds me of years ago my former SIL was round with toddler dc. I had made cups of tea and put them on coffee table. SIL went to far end of room to smoke a fag out the window whilst I had nipped through to the kitchen. Her dd pulled a hot cup of tea over herself but somehow it was MY fault despite her knowing she was the only adult in the room but had chosen to smoke instead of supervise her own kid.

Sweeney the op literally gave a reason for carrying around birth control.

Yanbu you done nothing wrong at all, your bag should have been safe from anyone touching it regardless of what was inside. This childminder shouldn’t be responsible for children it’s a shame the child’s parents weren’t there as I wouldn’t allow her to have my children again if I were them. The play centre are likely to be scared of repercussions and that’s why they’re blaming you, but they’re in the wrong to do that.

Op is entitled to carry whatever she likes (legally) in her own bag.

Actually with a 3 year old I dont think I would be leaving any medication in my bag anyway. Do you take your toddler or bag to the toilet with you at home?

someone is clutching at straws, you can feel the desperation here

Why do you assume that children can access handbags at home and that we all dump them on the floor?

My handbag's pills and potions could stock a small branch of Boots. The op did nothing wrong, carrying around medication in your own bag is pretty standard, I'm impressed she knew exactly how much was in there, I wouldn't have a clue.

YANBU handbags are full of everyday items that could be hazardous to a small child. It's not as if you had a sippy cup full of weedkiller in there. If the soft play area is concerned enough about OTC medication being left in a closed handbag then they would be advised to ensure adequate locker facilities.

I bet the childminder was relieved that the staff member blamed you as it let her off the hook for not keeping a close eye on the child she was being paid to look after. I'd be interested to see her phone activity during the period her charge was rifling through your bag.

Brain science

You are a very reasonable person and you won’t do that again. It does seem a one off though. I have no idea how it would be judged should it have resulted in a more serious incident.

Nobody is ever in the wrong on these boards.

I am guessing that it is the responsibility of the premises operator as a lot of people carry headache tablets. Normally there is a sign to not leave bags unattended or kept in a safe place. If you didn’t comply......

It’s your fault. Graciously apologise and move on.

Big thanks for airing it on here though. Good.

YANBU. If someone leaves their child long enough to let them rummage through someone's bag and pull everything out, then I think it's them who needs to not leave their child unattended, never mind you leaving your bag!

And a lot of people carry medication in their bag so it's hardly unusual.

It’s your fault. Graciously apologise and move on.

It absolutely is not. The OP has nothing to apologise for.

You are a very reasonable person and you won’t do that again.what? go in a place where lazy carers leave their children unsupervised?

I don't think I've read a more pompous, patronising post than Darkclouds one, well done, that's quite a feat on AIBU

I dont assume anything @morondela. I think it is generally safer to keep potentially harmful things well away from little ones. And that includes in handbags at home. If that makes me desparate then so be it.

Love the posters saying OP 'should have' a cross body bag/bum bag just for these incidents! Most mothers (myself included) use
the same bag every single day, and have everything but the kitchen sink in it.

The CM is lucky you didn't have a lighter, or fags, or other pills (legally) in her Zipped compartment. My bag never leaves my side, but if i did leave it somewhere and a unaccompanied child found it, I would not be responsible for that child injuring itself on my keys, penknife, lighter, money, batteries, pens etc in the depths of my bag. Zipped up or otherwise.

OP. YANBU. It is your bag, your private property that no other person should be going through. If a child had enough time to empty it all out and open zips, then the Childminder clearly wasn't watching the child properly.

The world really has gone crazy if it can be your fault that somebody else went through your bag.

You haven’t done anything wrong and you shouldn’t have been chastised for keeping meds’ in your bag (which were securely zipped up). Most people I know keep some paracetamol in their bag,.

The childminder was wrong for not supervising her charge.

OP - not your fault at all. I personally wouldn't leave my bag but only because l wouldn't want it nicked.... not because some other child might go through it.

If the CM does phone, get her name and if you can, contact details and see if you can report her to Ofsted or even find out who the child's parents are.

What if you have diabetes or need an epipen?

Yanbu. A child too young to understand that they shouldn't be playing with a strangers bag is a child too young to be left unsupervised.
Every soft play I've been to had lots of unattended shoes, bags, coats, pack ups, etc. You bag a table then go off and do bits and bobs and pop back intermittently. You can't walk round like a pack horse with all your belongings surely?
As someone up thread mentioned, the fact you had your medication on you isn't the main point. A child that young could just as easily have choked on a small battery, cough sweet or a fancy keyring.

I think the soft play taking the line that customers shouldn't leave medication unattended is a good one

Some people require urgent access to medication, people simply need to keep an eye on their charges.

OP could've been carrying something far stronger than nurofen. Opiates. Medication with syringes. Not her fault whatsoever here.

The child obviously wasn't left unsupervised for mere seconds if she managed to get the bag off the table, multiple items out of the bag and then all cards out of the wallet. My 19 month old loves emptying wallets. But I wouldn't let him crack on with anyone else's but my own.