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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this wasn’t my fault?

245 replies

BrainScience · 05/06/2019 16:14

At a soft play today with my 3yo. The place is absolutely massive, probably one of the biggest ones in the country. Dc’s are allowed in the mainframe bit unaccompanied but due to the being an exit from both the top and bottom floor and it being big enough for me not to hear dc if he gets stuck/ lost/ hurt so follow him around (and go on all the slides because they’re actually really fun).

Anyway I take our shoes off and leave them with my bag at a table on the bottom floor and go into the play frame with dc. When we come out after about 45 minutes my bag is on the floor with the contents everywhere, cards out of purse, car keys on floor etc. There is also some tablets on the floor - I keep a sheet (8 tablets) of Nurofen plus in my bag, plus a sheet of microgynon (contraceptive pill) zipped up in the inside pocket of my bag in case I ever get a headache or realise I’ve forgotten to take pill at home.

I start tidying it up, immediately assuming I’ve been robbed and thinking how to get home, who to call etc. When woman comes trotting over and says ‘Oh god, sorry. I saw Molly* playing over here but didnt realise she’d gone through your bag! What a little monster!’ and starts to help tidying it up. I mention the tablets are out of the foil and count the ones I pick up. The Nurofen is in sheets of 8 and I can only find 7 tablets, definitely 8 in there before. Everyone has a bit of a panic asking little girl, only 18mo or so, if she’d put any in her mouth, she didn’t really understand. I then find the last tablet at the bottom of my bag (phew!).

A member of staff comes over and wants to fill in an incident form, just in case girl had swallowed any. Woman (who was a childminder rather than parent) still really worried about little girl but I was certain there were only 8 and they still had the print on them so hadn’t got wet. I give my number to both staff member and childminder and ask childminder to call me just to let me know girl is ok.

I then get a lecture from staff member about how if I left medication unattended again I wouldn’t be allowed to return, with childminder clearly taking side of staff member. There are no lockers on the floor we were on (there’s a few on the top floor but they’re generally out of order) and I am normally perfectly happy taking the risk of leaving my bag on the bottom floor at the table.

Aibu to have medicine in a zipped pocket of my bag? I have genuinely never given it a thought but I was made to feel like a was leaving a plate of cocaine on the table for kids to help themselves to. If a kid does injure themselves on anything they take out of my closed bag, surely it’s the fault of the adult not supervising their child? Or am I just being ridiculously thoughtless about it all?

OP posts:

Pinkvoid · 05/06/2019 16:59

Hmm both at fault.

Childminder shouldn’t have let an 18 month old roam free but you shouldn’t leave your belongings unattended. Take a small cross body bag in future and carry it with you.

Deadringer · 05/06/2019 16:59

That's ridiculous. Medication aside the child could have choked on some small perfectly innocent item in your handbag. Or Something in your coat pocket. Or even that she found on the floor. She wasn't being supervised properly, that's the beginning and end of it.

cstaff · 05/06/2019 17:00

Definitely the childminders fault. I would say she was just delighted to see that the blame was being put on you and was happy to go along with that as she was probably expecting to get it herself.

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 05/06/2019 17:00

What @OKBobble said.
Definitely the fault of the childminder.

I once had someone berate me for having medications in my handbag at a playgroup. My handbag was placed on a windowsill where babies couldn't reach, only older children. If an older child who should know better went in it then that would be the fault of the person not watching them. I would have been sitting with my handbag but as no one else would take their turn doing snack duty, it was left to muggins here to do it. Every fucking week.

Myotherusernameisshy · 05/06/2019 17:04

Definitely the childminders fault. I leave my bag unattended at soft play and I don’t expect kids to go through it. If they are not old enough to understand that they aren’t allowed to go through other people’s stuff than they are not old enough to be unattended at all. My bag also has medicine in (inhaler, paracetamol and calpol sachets) so you are not unusual in that OP. It contains a carrier bag which a toddler could potentially put over their head and lots of coins which they could also put in their mouth and choke on. It doesn’t need to be child safe because it isn’t for children!

MorondelaFrontera · 05/06/2019 17:04

Take a small cross body bag in future and carry it with you.

I do, still don't put my medication in it though! Or any snack that some child might be allergic too. It's not my responsibility to baby-proof a public place where parents and carer are expected to look after their kids.

This thread is typical MN , with some frankly bonkers attitude!
WHO leaves a child, of any age, unattended and rummaging through people's handbag!

itbemay · 05/06/2019 17:06

YANBU - Childminder is at fault for allowing child to rifle through your bag!!

roundbanana · 05/06/2019 17:07

Child minders fault and I wouldn’t be impressed if that was my childminder and tbh I would want to know that happened if my dc was involved!

BoomBoomsCousin · 05/06/2019 17:09

I think the soft play taking the line that customers shouldn't leave medication unattended is a good one. They need to advertise it as a policy though, not just tell people off when something comes to their attention. The childminder should have been watching the child better but you made the environment riskier than it otherwise would have been. All that said, YANBU ultimately it's the childminder's responsibility.

viques · 05/06/2019 17:10

The childminder is lucky that the only things you had were medications in hard for an 18 month old to open bubble packs. You could quite easily have had an open packet of boiled sweets, or mints, or grapes which would have been very recognisable to a toddler, easy for her to access and also easy for her to choke on. You could have a small flat battery in there , horrific injuries can be caused to small children swallowing these. As others have said, the childminder has been very lax in her care, and lucky to have got away with it this time.

MorondelaFrontera · 05/06/2019 17:12

think the soft play taking the line that customers shouldn't leave medication unattended is a good one.

well, yes, they are covering themselves, they can't be responsible and babysit every child in there, so what else can they say. They can also mention that "every child is left unattended at your own risks" but need to find a more politically correct to put that.

No one is going to left their medication at home, if you carry it with you, it's because you need it, or might need it urgently.

MrsxRocky · 05/06/2019 17:14

Childminder should have been with 18 month old.
This is the exact reason why I never used child minders but day are.
Every childminder I've seen sits on phone and even crawling babies are left alone in soft play.
It's shocking

AnActualWoman · 05/06/2019 17:14

Absolutely not your fault at all. Ime it's the norm to leave your bag if you go for a coffee, check on kids etc. Her fault 100% for leaving kid long enough to be able to do that.

No wonder she sided with the worker, she's probably mortified and feels very guilty, worker sided with cm because she probably spends a fortune there.

Put it out your mind. They are in the wrong here, the cm especially.

ittakes2 · 05/06/2019 17:14

It was the child minder's fault in my opinion - for your bag to be gone through that thoroughly she was clearly not watching her!

Bellatrix14 · 05/06/2019 17:15

If you’d left a packet of ibuprofen on the table I would say that was being careless, but even in those circumstances people should still be supervising their children.

But you should be entitled to have whatever you like in a zipped inner compartment of your bag! You were not being at all unreasonable and you were much calmer and more understanding (with the member of staff at soft play, I complete understand the childminder being stressed) than I would have been in the circumstances. I would have have thought it more reasonable for them to tell the childminder that she would not be allowed back if she couldn’t be trusted to supervise the children in her care and keep them safe (to a reasonable level) than to blame it on you!

ittakes2 · 05/06/2019 17:15

can I just add - I would also not consider that some random child would go through my bag without someone stopping them so I don't think you did anything wrong not considering this.

Bluntness100 · 05/06/2019 17:17

I think you were both out of line. She should have been watching her charge more closely and the staff member is right, you can't just be dumping a bag with medication in it in the play area and fucking off for 45 mins.

By a small cross body bag and only take what you need in, leave the rest in the car or at home.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 05/06/2019 17:18

No one is going to left their medication at home, if you carry it with you, it's because you need it, or might need it urgently.

Not necessarily and not in this case. Medicine was nurofen which is easily purchased if you need it although mostpeople I know carry that or paracetamol around with them anyway. But the other medicine was the contraceptive pill so no reason at all to have that with them.

cherrryontop · 05/06/2019 17:19

Definitely not your fault.

You left tablets zipped up in your bag and went to supervise your child.

If there's nothing of any major value in the back it's your call to leave it on the table, nobody else's business. It's not like you left loose pills out all over the place!

Meanwhile a child not being supervised was left to ransack your bag and take out private things.

Childminder was definitely very unreasonable.

MorondelaFrontera · 05/06/2019 17:19

You are completely wrong Bluntness, read the post from viques to understand why.

Cryalot2 · 05/06/2019 17:19

The main thing is that everything and everyone is ok
You will have had a bit of a shock.
I have to keep medication in my bag all the time, so for that reason it never leaves me when out.
You can get fine bags that fit across body (I think they are travel ones,) I got mine in Semi Chem . Something like that could be worthwhile for now.

Purpleartichoke · 05/06/2019 17:20

You both messed up.

When dd was at that young stage, I carried my meds in a zippered bag with a small combination lock.

cstaff · 05/06/2019 17:20

I have been carrying meds around in my bag for the last 30 years (a lot stronger than paracetamol) and if some random kid had the cheek to go through my bag and take them that is their or their guardian's responsibility and I would like to see them try and do something about it. Also the reason I carry them is because I need them

Ginger1982 · 05/06/2019 17:21

I would have taken the childminder's face off if she had started siding with the management to be fair!

MorondelaFrontera · 05/06/2019 17:21

Not necessarily and not in this case. Medicine was nurofen which is easily purchased if you need it although mostpeople I know carry that or paracetamol around with them anyway.

Is there a chemist in that soft play where people can buy nurofen if the need it? I mean, seriously

And even better But the other medicine was the contraceptive pill so no reason at all to have that with them. No reason for someone to take contraceptive?!? You do know they have to be taken at regular time, don't you?

good grief

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