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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this wasn’t my fault?

245 replies

BrainScience · 05/06/2019 16:14

At a soft play today with my 3yo. The place is absolutely massive, probably one of the biggest ones in the country. Dc’s are allowed in the mainframe bit unaccompanied but due to the being an exit from both the top and bottom floor and it being big enough for me not to hear dc if he gets stuck/ lost/ hurt so follow him around (and go on all the slides because they’re actually really fun).

Anyway I take our shoes off and leave them with my bag at a table on the bottom floor and go into the play frame with dc. When we come out after about 45 minutes my bag is on the floor with the contents everywhere, cards out of purse, car keys on floor etc. There is also some tablets on the floor - I keep a sheet (8 tablets) of Nurofen plus in my bag, plus a sheet of microgynon (contraceptive pill) zipped up in the inside pocket of my bag in case I ever get a headache or realise I’ve forgotten to take pill at home.

I start tidying it up, immediately assuming I’ve been robbed and thinking how to get home, who to call etc. When woman comes trotting over and says ‘Oh god, sorry. I saw Molly* playing over here but didnt realise she’d gone through your bag! What a little monster!’ and starts to help tidying it up. I mention the tablets are out of the foil and count the ones I pick up. The Nurofen is in sheets of 8 and I can only find 7 tablets, definitely 8 in there before. Everyone has a bit of a panic asking little girl, only 18mo or so, if she’d put any in her mouth, she didn’t really understand. I then find the last tablet at the bottom of my bag (phew!).

A member of staff comes over and wants to fill in an incident form, just in case girl had swallowed any. Woman (who was a childminder rather than parent) still really worried about little girl but I was certain there were only 8 and they still had the print on them so hadn’t got wet. I give my number to both staff member and childminder and ask childminder to call me just to let me know girl is ok.

I then get a lecture from staff member about how if I left medication unattended again I wouldn’t be allowed to return, with childminder clearly taking side of staff member. There are no lockers on the floor we were on (there’s a few on the top floor but they’re generally out of order) and I am normally perfectly happy taking the risk of leaving my bag on the bottom floor at the table.

Aibu to have medicine in a zipped pocket of my bag? I have genuinely never given it a thought but I was made to feel like a was leaving a plate of cocaine on the table for kids to help themselves to. If a kid does injure themselves on anything they take out of my closed bag, surely it’s the fault of the adult not supervising their child? Or am I just being ridiculously thoughtless about it all?

OP posts:
Mrscmay17 · 05/06/2019 20:20

It wasn't your fault ! The childminder should have been paying more attention. In future I would probably leave your bag in the boot of your car though so you wont be concerned.

Teddybear45 · 05/06/2019 20:32

At local softplays you would have been banned for leaving a bag unattended. You were definitely in the wrong here.

ParmaViolet44 · 05/06/2019 20:33

YANBU. My bag has epipen, allergy meds and inhaler. All zipped up in the inside pocket. At Soft Play it is left with our coats and shoes as there is usually no other option. There are a few lockers but they are usually all full. To be honest I think that's actually beside the point.

I would be livid at any CM who had been distracted for long enough to allow their charge to empty out my entire fucking handbag including popping pills out of a blister pack!!? It's totally and completely her fault, you have nothing to apologise for, at all.

SavingSpaces2019 · 05/06/2019 20:37

It was both your fault - more yours though because you left an handbag unattended in a public place and with medications inside.
Nobody knew who that bag belonged to or what was in it.

Given all the bombings and bomb scares and the public security notices to not leave unattended 'packages' anywhere or to report if you see any - you still think you're justified in leaving your bag unattended in a public space?
Or will you only take public security seriously once someone sets off a bomb in soft play?

Original poster
BrainScience · 05/06/2019 20:45

teddybear really, where do you live? I’ve never noticed (not saying they aren’t there though) signs saying do not leave bags unattended. I’ve definitely noticed ones saying they can’t be held responsible for loss or damage and that children need to be supervised though.

OP posts:
Grumpymug · 05/06/2019 20:45

You're not at fault here OP. The contents of the bag are pretty irrelevant really because small children can get into trouble with so many things.
The amount of times I've found unattended children in places they shouldn't be and returned them to parents/gaurdians that hadn't even noticed they weren't around is scary. People seem to lose perspective in public places they deem safe like soft play and just let them go wherever. There's doors for little fingers to get trapped in, often coffee bars in soft play little ones can wander behind, the person who has responsibility for the child should be watching one that young that doesn't know how to keep themselves safe.
I wouldn't leave my bag unattended because where I live it'd likely be whipped when you turn in your seat never mind if you left it! Even somewhere like soft play, but that doesn't change the fact that the child could have got injured by anything left to wander unsupervised long enough to upend and empty a bag.
I think the soft play are wrong too, if the child had climbed on a table and fallen - would they be accepting responsibility and removing all the tables? Or saying the cm should have been supervising the child?

Original poster
BrainScience · 05/06/2019 20:46

savingspaces it’s what everyone does at every soft play I’ve been to. You get a table stick shoes under it, coats on back off chairs, drinks on table and bags on table or under chairs. What do you do in the winter at soft play? Carry all your hats, scarves, coats and boots into the ball pools?

OP posts:
Original poster
BrainScience · 05/06/2019 20:47

Also it’s not a public space. It’s a soft play warehouse in a big theme park that you pay to get into.

OP posts:
Teddybear45 · 05/06/2019 20:50

@BrainScience - live in the southeast. The Softplay and kids play places are considered prime targets for a number of different types of attack - chemical, terrorist etc. Bags, if left attended, are usually destroyed. There is an expectation that you need to take bags with you throughout the building - a couple of places don’t allow bags at all except where there is a medical need and even then they need to be kept on your person at all times.

Original poster
BrainScience · 05/06/2019 20:53

Bloody hell. I lived in Kent until last year. Things change fast!

OP posts:
SavingSpaces2019 · 05/06/2019 20:58

Also it’s not a public space Yes it is a public space.
It’s a soft play warehouse in a big theme park that you pay to get into
THIS is what makes it a public space.
Unless your softplay is being held in someone's private house it's always a public space.

All the softplays i've been to usually have someone sat at the table with all their belongings or it's just coats/hats that are left unattended.
I've never been to a softplay where people just leave their handbags unattended at the mercy of kids or thieves.

DippyDepannage · 05/06/2019 21:01

the childminder should have been doing what she is being paid to do, mind the child. the fact that the child was able to empty a strangers bag shows she was not being adequately supervised.

yanbu op, the lazy childminder was

PeapodBurgundy · 05/06/2019 21:12

Our softplay doesn't allow bags in the main frame or in any of the other three areas. Personal effects have to remain in one of the seating areas. Nobody seems to mind this, bags are always left on chairs and under tables with no complaint or indeed knowledge about the contents. We go weekly during term time and have for 3 years, and I've never seen a problem arise with this system. She should have been watching the children more closely.

Qweenbee · 05/06/2019 21:14

I'd have been furious my bag had been riffled through. The adult in charge had clearly not been supervising.

Dutchesss · 05/06/2019 21:17

If the child was young enough to raid someones bag and possibly eat medicine, then she was also young enough to choke on bits of dropped food or other small items so needs better supervision. 18 months is still classed as a baby.

MorondelaFrontera · 05/06/2019 22:22

live in the southeast. The Softplay and kids play places are considered prime targets for a number of different types of attack - chemical, terrorist etc. Bags, if left attended, are usually destroyed.

WHERE on earth in the southeast are you Teddybear45! Shock Not once have I seen or heard anything like that!

fargo123 · 06/06/2019 05:54

YANBU

The child minder is 100% responsible for this situation and needs to be stripped of her accreditation. I hope she or the parents do get in contact with you, so that you can get her details and then report her to the relevant people. It might be an enclosed playground today, but it could be an open road tomorrow that her charge/s is allowed near unsupervised.

The medication is almost a red herring. Even if that hadn't been in your bag, there are plenty of everyday items such as coins, batteries and pens that could cause problems in the hands of an unsupervised child. Are people supposed to stop carrying those around too just in case some random unsupervised child breaks into their bag and starts rummaging around? Of course not. That would be ludicrous. Just as ludicrous as posts suggesting that you were in any way responsible for this. You weren't.

ChickenNuggetsChipsAndBeans · 06/06/2019 06:10

YANBU. Childminder totally at fault.

pineapplebryanbrown · 06/06/2019 07:06

Most people have a few headache tablets kicking around in their bag somewhere. Yanbu to expect it to be unrummaged and you had removed your valuables.

azulmariposa · 06/06/2019 07:18

Not your fault! Why wasn't she watching the child? Must've been for a while, if she's managed to go through the whole bag.

MintyT · 06/06/2019 07:25

If the child was able to empty your bag and pop out 8 of the tablets she was unpatched for a long time, the CM was neglectful

BessMarvin · 06/06/2019 07:27

I live in the south east. Been to a few soft plays. Never been to any that ban leaving bags unattended.
YANBU

SavoyCabbage · 06/06/2019 07:29

You live somewhere where they destroy bags that have been left unattended at soft play? Does the soft play have its own bomb disposal facilities or do they call the police?

What a massive drain on police time. No bloody wonder crime is out of control if they are destroying a couple of hundred bags every day being left unattended at sort play. Hours of police time.

SnuggyBuggy · 06/06/2019 07:30

Would a soft play really be a typical target?

AnActualWoman · 06/06/2019 07:35

"You live somewhere where they destroy bags that have been left unattended at soft play"

I suspect the pp is being a bit generous with the truth. More likely one over zealous worker said once that they'd heard from a friend of a friends cousins aunties dog that someone's nephew's sisters mum had theirs blown up.

Soft play centres simply wouldn't go around destroying handbags!