Be honest - would you judge the girl under 20 who has 2 children?

[namechange6678]

Honestly, what would your thoughts be at this?? Especially if the person looks under 20.

I'd be more likely to be judgemental about the 20 y.o.'s own parents tbh

As a young mum I feel absolutely shit after reading this thread.

Screw you, thinking that my kids are disadvantaged because I'm young. How dare you all?

I'd just think that they're not long out of childhood/ teenage years themselves and now they're back in that world again. I have a large age gap between me and my siblings so I wanted a break before having m own kids. Just personal preference really, wanted to see the world before settling down.

No one is saying wait until everything is perfect or until the menopause but if you have children you need to be able to survive for a bit on less/ no income. If someone is under 20 unlikely to be in a job with great maternity package. Then childcare is really expensive so again need to be able to afford to pay rent and childcare etc.

Not many twenty year olds are in a position to do that easily because obviously they haven’t built up a career

No I wouldn't judge at all. This was seen as completely normal when I was younger, in fact I was considered an older parent because I had my first child at 28.

As a young mum I feel absolutely shit after reading this thread.

If you really care about what complete strangers can think, it really proves you ARE too young, sorry.

If you are confident we are wrong, why would you care! I know my parenting style is not popular on MN, I couldn't care less.

No, I know mums of all ages and often the young ones try extra hard precisely because they feel judged. Its not what I would've wanted nor want for my children particularly but some people dream of being a parent and chose to do it as soon as they reasonably can.

Some nasty, judgemental comments on this thread.

myDHhasahobbyanditsnotcycling Having not had children until late 20s I now sometimes wish I had reproduced earlier.
Now in my early 40s, I would LOVE to go travelling, both with my children and without, and through connecting with other new mothers during pregnancy and after birth, I had lots of fun exchanging info, conversation, learning.
More than anything, though, I have learnt from my children - both about myself and the world around me. I truly think that it was the becoming a mother that helped me to become the person I am today, rather than inhibiting it. I also did not go on to higher education after school, because I was too busy being 'irresponsible'. And I don't know whether that's for the better or worse, but since being a parent I have graduated with honours and am now embarked on post grad quals.

namechange6678 Congratulations! I hope your parenting experience is as healthy, rich, and fulfilling as any other's has the potential to be, regardless of age/financial situation x

If you really care about what complete strangers can think, it really proves you ARE too young*

Utter bullshit if ever I read it.

What's your unpopular parenting style mydhhasahobby? Just curious really. I can't think of a MN disapproved style. (Well, one any more than others).

I had 2 children by the time I was 20. Married at 21 and 3rd baby at 23. I'm 27 now. I get complimented on my parenting all the time, have a great career as does my husband. I see a whole range of parents at the school gates and age has absolutely nothing related on how you raise your children. My girls are my world and all I have ever wanted and since I've had them it has given me great drive to achieve so I can give them the world, and they are well loved, intelligent strong girls who I am proud to be the mother of. My husband and i have worked incredibly hard for everything we have and share with our children and i would look down on someone who judged me just because i was a young mother.

As a young mum I feel absolutely shit after reading this thread.

Screw you, thinking that my kids are disadvantaged because I'm young. How dare you all?

Being insulted on the internet is like being hissed at by a stray cat in the street. It means nothing.

Grow up!

@CJsGoldfish I've got education and a lot more ambition than many people I know without children
I feel like the no ambition thing is such a weird thing to assume
I'll have to take your word on that.

I'm not sure why it's weird to assume a lack of ambition. A teenager who thinks having a baby is the best they can do doesn't scream ambition to me. Takes absolutely NO skill whatsoever to have a baby and if that's all some teenage girl thinks she can or should do it, again, screams lack of education and lack of ambition.

have learnt from my children - both about myself and the world around me.

I completely agree with that, and I do know that children keep you young! It's a blessing to have them a bit later in life to save you from stalling and becoming too old.

There's a huge window to have kids if you are healthy (obviously), but I don't think the extremes are the best ones. Ultimately, you have children for them, not for you, so it should be what is in THEIR best interest, not yours - no one is forcing you to have kids in the first place.

OP you are young enough to (if you wanted to) to start a degree in 10 - 15 years time or whenever you're ready and still forge a career in whatever your chosen area is.
It's never to late for any of us.

And how rude of some other posters to assume you have no ambition or education.

Kylie Jenner had her first baby at 20, she's doing ok :) as did Adele and Reece Witherspoon to name a few off the top of my head.

Make sure you still see your friends when you can and have fun times like any other mum out there.

I wouldn’t make assumptions about the quality of her parenting.

I do believe she has made poor choices for her own life. Parenting with such economic insecurity is not a wise decision. Barring a situation of large inheritance, there is no chance the woman has had time to establish a career and financial independence. Choosing (assuming she lives somewhere that abortion is legal) to become a parent not only once, but twice, is worrisome.

Jesus wept.

Not all of us young mums are miserably working our asses off to make ends meet. I enjoy my life, I enjoy motherhood and feel optimistic about my future ambitions. My son is well loved and cared for. We don't need to be pitied.

Oh, its a tricky one. To an extent, I can see @breaker's point.

Outcomes for the DCs of unmarried teenage mothers are lower than average across the board and I do feel sorry for them.

Added to this, the mother herself gets no chance to explore both herself and the world before the weight of responsibility hits and this is a shame too.

I do understand the argument that you can do your 'living' once the DC have left home, but it just isn't the same IMO.

That said, I am making an assumption here that this is a situation of 2 x accidental pregnancies (poss with 2 different dads?).

If I am being honest, I would judge this situation differently from that in which a couple married at 18, had 2 (planned) DCs before age 20 and were still together.

Do you want to tell us some more about your situation OP? Are you considering your options in an unplanned pregnancy, or do you already have the 2 x DC?

@CJsGoldfish I pray you don't have children yourself, god help them with your antiquated ideas

Mydhhasahobbyanditsnotcycling
*
"You really are too young"
*
I'm married, I got a mortgage and own my house at 22. I have two gorgeous children and a supervisor role at work.

I worked hard, and I got what most people achieve 10 years old than me. Maybe I'm just lucky, but you seriously need to leave with your horrible judgemental opinions. Because, consequently, they make people feel a bit crap knowing people like you think these things about them. How dare you make assumptions when you know nothing of me.

I had 3 children at 20 so I wouldn't judge anybody. I'm a traveller though so it's the norm for us 🤷🏻‍♀️

Kylie Jenner had her first baby at 20, she's doing ok

she was already highly successful and wealthy by that time, and not many people can do the same
More importantly, you have no idea if she is happy and how well that child will be raised and how happy and grounded they will be.

A 14 year old can take excellent care of a baby, it's when they grow up they need a real parent. Babies might kill your sleep, but they are easy.

Nope. Unless they were by two different fathers, neither of whom she bothered to marry, maybe. But the same for any age of woman really. Once outa wedlock, fine, shit happens. Twice is just laziness.

I'm not sure why it's weird to assume a lack of ambition. A teenager who thinks having a baby is the best they can do doesn't scream ambition to me. Takes absolutely NO skill whatsoever to have a baby and if that's all some teenage girl thinks she can or should do it, again, screams lack of education and lack of ambition.

By your own logic then, CJ, does that mean women who have children later in life no longer have ambition anymore?

I had 2 kids at 26 and 29. I'm still as ambitious now, if not more so than I ever was at 19/20. I think it's down to the individual. You can be 25, living with parents, working a dead-end job and no desire or drive to better your life. Age is not necessarily the main factor.