Be honest - would you judge the girl under 20 who has 2 children?

[namechange6678]

Honestly, what would your thoughts be at this?? Especially if the person looks under 20.

Also, good for you if you know at 20 that the father of your kids is the right man for you, but I am glad I had a bit of fun before I met DH and I was sure he was the one

I’d think it was none of my business. It’s not a choice I would make for myself but then again people are different. I wouldn’t assume she is a bad mum just because she is young.

Yes but it’s not a binary thing, is it. The fact that you are glad you’ve done it your way makes absolutely no difference to the circumstances of my life, my choices, and my children’s lives.

I don’t waste any time judging/pitying others unless there is actual neglect or harm involved. There is more than one way to do things in life, and what works for you probably would not have worked for me. Conversely you likely would not be able to relate to my life experience, nor to why it was right for me.

No I wouldn’t, and it’s none of my damn business anyway. Same applies everyone else.

I would wonder how she could afford it.

Pretty much everyone I know saved a huge amount before having children

Yes I would. One i can understand but 2 kids and under 20. Sounds like immature and bad choices. What kind of a life can you really offer them at that age.

It would depend on the situation more than the age of the mum in all honesty. I would probably also feel sad for them mum (especially if a single mum) as raising kids can be challenging so I’m glad I had my early 20s being carefree and not tied to looking after anyone.
I would hope my DD would wait till a bit older to have kids

I would think she's not finished her education, never wanted to work, would think about what kind of future she wants for her kids.

I might mistake them for the nanny/ au pair but I wouldn't judge once I was put straight.

A 20 year old is still growing up, I think kids need parents, not friends so it's far too young.

Plus can you imagine being a grand-mother in your 40s? Now that's a very depressing thought!

Pretty much everyone I know saved a huge amount before having children

How ridiculous that you think this is the only way it should be done. If everyone chose to do that then they’d already have hit the menopause before they’ve saved “enough”. What is “enough”?

I had my second when I was twenty and looked young
my sons didn't need pity they were fine and are now adults at 22 and 21 with no children
They are in university and working
Not all young parents are shit there are some shit older parents
We worked bloody hard to make sure our children didn't need anybody's pity.

I wouldn't judge her but I might wonder if she's missed out on uni/travelling/carefree life that young people often enjoy.

No I only judge people on how they parent. I had a child at 18, and another at 22. I was a good mum and my life changed massively. I know people who had children at the same age and they were shit parents who left their own parents to raise their child/children. I wasn't the best mum and I'm still not but I try.
I wouldn't advise anyone to have children that young though, no matter what financial position they were in, or how mature they were. I think a bit of life experience helps when having kids.

I’m a great advocate for young parenthood, having been one myself. As a pp said, body in peak fitness, endless energy, higher tolerance for sleepless nights. By the time you’re 40 they’re all grown up and decades of life stretches ahead to have all the childfree fun you want. Win/win. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

No my best friend had 2 by 20 and is a great mum. I would have hated being a mum so young as I wanted to travel and party but not everyone is like that. I am a much better mum because I am in my 30s as I did what I wanted to before I had kids. However I have met mums whose kids spend most of there time with grandparents as they were so set on there ways of nights out etc they wouldn’t give them up when the child came along (not that parents shouldn’t go out just a bit unfair when the kids are getting upset with mum and dad working all week then being away all weekend).

This thread is actually horrible, it's so depressing that people are so patronising and judgemental of anyone who doesn't make the same choices as them. I was a young mum and don't want your bloody pity, we've had a lovely life and I wouldn't change a thing. If you choose to have kids in your teens/20s/30s/40s whatever, good for you, there are absolutely pros and cons either way. I don't want to tear anyone down for their life choices thanks

I wouldn't judge her but I might wonder if she's missed out on uni/travelling/carefree life that young people often enjoy.

That is my biggest regret. I didn't even get past the point of having a cufew set by my parents before I was a mother myself, and then hardly went out.

If the kids were generally well behaved, loved and happy, I'd probably think she was an especially good mum as I personally can't imagine having coped with that at her age.

And if the kids seemed neglected and badly treated i would think she was a shit mum, as I would if she were 28, 30, 35 - any age!

Sorry, cross posted with a few more positive posters!

Pretty much everyone I know saved a huge amount before having children

You do know people manage to have children and look after them well without having savings. Some people will never have enough money to save huge amounts.

When people say they are still young when their kids are grown because they had them so young, they are so deluded. You're never going to be young and carefree like you were between 18 and 25.

An ideal is to do both - spend your 20s having a blast, go to uni, go travelling, play the field. Then settle down and have a lovely time, but not a care-free time, for the next 2 decades.

How ridiculous that you think this is the only way it should be done. If everyone chose to do that then they’d already have hit the menopause before they’ve saved “enough”. What is “enough”?

the menopause, really?

Enough is having the financial means to have a big enough property, in the area giving you access to the right school, the financial way to support your kids in their hobbies and activities, to take them on holiday and give them the childhood they deserve.

Enough is not being on threads complaining about the cost of a £2.50 school jumper, the cost of school trips and the cost of school holidays.

Old enough is having experienced enough freedom and selfishness when you were younger that you can concentrate on your kids without feeling you're missing out, or resentful.

Old enough is being with the right man too!

Reading MN has been an eye opener on how NOT to have kids!

I'd just think "Wow, she's got her hands full at a young age" but would make no moral judgements at all. It's her life.

When I was that age, yes I would have done. Partly as I knew not one person who had children young. I went to a girls school and while there were a few pregnancies, there were no babies. In the bubble I grew up in, pregnant young = abortion, with no exceptions. So it would have been entirely beyond my ken. Same at university (in my circle) there were no unplanned pregnancies carried to term. It's only been reading MN that made me aware that some students did carry on, have a baby and finish their degree; that's how narrow my experience was.

However now I am well into my forties, I wouldn't judge, no. People have different life paths, the middle class uni-job in London-marry at 30-first baby at 31 is not the only way, and some of the most natural parents I've met have been young ones. As a PP said I might judge someone who makes endless bad choices leading to a chaotic life for the children etc, but that behaviour is not linked to age.