Be honest - would you judge the girl under 20 who has 2 children?

[namechange6678]

Honestly, what would your thoughts be at this?? Especially if the person looks under 20.

MorondelaFrontela the word teenager is meaningless really both in legal and biological terms. You're either a child or an adult. A 13 year old is a child, a 19 year old is an adult, they don't really have much in common.

the word teenager is meaningless really both in legal and biological terms.
but it's still the accurate description for anyone between 13 and 19, which is why people can call a 19 year old mum a teen mum.
It 's much more accurate than calling her a "young mum" which can be anything from 16 to 35!

I mean people can interpret "young mum" as anything, teen mum is clear

yes... but they also need good food, parents who are around and not stressed about paying the bills, holidays, days out, school activities and hobbies then they grow up and they need money for a car, uni, wedding, a deposit, help with childcare

Good heavens, that means none of us who are on average or under average salaries can have children at all. I deferred marriage until age 29 so as to finish my PhD and motherhood until 32 to get my next publication out, but I still can't buy my children all the luxuries on that little list.

Is it any of my business is the real question?
Are you going to track down the person she slept with to ask him why he got her pregnant especially as she looks 20?

Surely anyone who is on their third pregnancy at 20 hasn’t really worked anywhere for very long though.

No maybe under 16 but twenty? No they are clearly grown up enough

For all the alleged “success stories” on here, it’s very much the tiny minority who make a success out of having children young. It’s much easier to finish your education and save up for a deposit pre kids. Women are generally in a much better financial and emotional position to have children once no longer in their teens. Sometimes your have to make the best of a bad lot and people do make mistakes, but there’s no doubt having children so young is not a good idea and that you would be in a better position if you wait.

Agreed, clearly some people make a good go of it.

But for families where education and life experience is deemed to be not just attainable, but the norm, they would not want this for their daughters.

There is too much else out there, to be saddled with babies in your teens. You never get those years, or your 20s, back.

Yes, your children will fly the nest earlier than other people's, but finding out who you are, exploring the world really isn't the same when you're a couple of decades older than everyone else.

I would be gutted for my DD and absolutely reinforcing that she - thankfully - has options.

I love that a poster didn't understand why a nineTEEN year old is classed as a teenager.

I had 3 by 19. However, I was married an owner occupier and had twins. People did judge me, all the time.

My mum had two by 21 and looked younger than she was. She had me at 19 and I was planned. My brother was unplanned but very much wanted. My mum is now in her 40s, a home owner with a post graduate education, 4 children and a good job. She's enjoying having the free time later in life now that all her children are adults.

I will fully acknowledge that my mum is an extraordinary woman, she did explore the world but she did it on a shoestring budget with children in tow. I had some amazing experiences growing up. Yes, sometimes it was tough and money was tight, but it meant my siblings and I grew up in a really open-minded way. My mum wanted to be a mother and she loves it. She had so much energy and when we were kids, we were the focus of that. She didn't feel like she was missing out (and yes, over the years we've talked about it a lot) because raising a family was the thing she wanted to be doing. She didn't have a sense of being pulled in two directions that some of her friends who had children later felt. The older I've got, the more respect I have for my mum. There is no way I would have been responsible enough that young. I'm in my mid 20s now and still don't have children.

So no, I wouldn't judge, because I don't know the circumstances.

My DH's grandmother had 3 before she was 20. She was pregnant when she married a much older man at 16. It's not her I judge, but her abuser husband, not that I ever met him because he died decades before her.

I've seen photos of her on her wedding day, she looked about 12.

She was technically a married home owner at 16, because she married the late 30s man who'd impregnated her and owned a house... Not sure that makes it a good situation!

Also I don’t think you’re really an adult till about mid 20s. For the person who said earlier that in Scotland you’re an adult at 16, not really true I’m afraid. Different rules apply at different ages but parents are obliged to support their children till 25 if in full time education (in Scotland). So I would say that the law considers you fully an adult at 25.

Until 25 that should be

Thats just offensive @WanderingTrolley1 ,I was this girl and i was grammar school educated,I've raised my children well,carried on striving and gaining a career.Just means I didn't have an abortion!I would rather be me than you I think,judgey judgerson.

Wandering. You are offensive !

No because who am I to judge anyone about anything?

Doreen if you're still following this thread, I'm so sorry for your situation. It is literally my worst nightmare and I really wish you all the best

Haven't read the thread but to answer OP I definitely wouldn't (didn't) judge. I was in hospital having my first child when I was 21 the lady in the bed opposite was having her third, a daughter, her husband brought in their two adorable little boys and they were a lovely sight to see. I found out later, in the wee small hours of the morning as she helped me with breast feeding advice, that she was 19 and her eldest son had just turned 3. She told me she was married and her husband worked very hard to support their family as they didn't want to claim benefits. It is sad that she felt the need to explain this to a stranger but I've never forgotten the pride in her face and voice. Every year, on my daughters birthday, I think of that family and hope they are still as happy.

If the mum was in a good situation & stable then no i wouldnt. However, if she was in a bad situation and then had another then id probably feel sorry. And that goes for any age btw. Ive known mums under 20 who are fantastic compared to much older mums. So age doesnt really come into it

Depends. If she or her other half is working (or have a good reason not to), then no. If your like my stepdaughter and have 3 kids by the time your 20 and you and your other aren't working, then yes i do. She is now 22 and got 5 kids. She and her men don't work, no intention of working and quite happily play the system.