Be honest - would you judge the girl under 20 who has 2 children?

[namechange6678]

Honestly, what would your thoughts be at this?? Especially if the person looks under 20.

I judge crap parents, not parents who are a certain age etc
People judge me- I work so when do I see my kids?
My friend doesn’t work/ doesn’t need to - also judged
I’d prefer people judged and supported mums / parents who are making poor life choices for their kids - those in danger out situations, those more vulnerable, those neglected or in educated...

Yeah I think there’s more to a lot of statistics eg people who are less educated/lower incomes and social class are the ones more likely to get pregnant young. So a lot of the stats on outcome aren’t exclusively linked to young age.
Also odd to see comments feeling sorry for the children solely for having a young parent. I gave birth at 19 and honestly there is very little difference between my DCs life and his friends at primary school. We have a nice comfortable family home, he has lovely days out, nice holidays, home-cooked meals and all other aspects of normal loving family life. The only difference is his parents are a bit younger.

A bit. Being honest, but I'm 24 and don't have kids and I just can't fathom why you'd choose to - but I need to remember not everyone is career minded or could handle an abortion. Will give own head a wobble

How can you afford 3 kids at 20!!!!

No. I absolutely would not.

I may not be the best mum but I love all my children and do whatever I can to be the best I can be and they are always well provided for
By who? Quite sure that if you are having your 3rd child at 20 it isn't you.

I'm 20 and I have 2 children, and I have another on the way. I come from a family where most of us have been teen parents
This is sad.

I had my 1st at 18year old I got judged so much but I was educated an worked hard still do I've now got 4kids at 34year old an I get judged so so much my youngest boys r 4,3,2 it's not just the younger girls that get judge me as a mummy gets judged to at my age

It all depends doesn't. it? One twenty year old surrounded by a loving family, with a chosen partner and a suitable house or apartment s quite different to a single mum with basic accommodation and only the sporadic attention of social services for support. My guess is that the latter is tough, and I tip my hat to those writung in to say they did it.

On the topic of judging I know Ive done it. A seventeen year old daughter of a neighbour became pregnant (father could have been one of several) Her parents were devastated but helped her keep baby and look after her. The judgement came when she had the second child at nineteen. This time she knew the father, who to his credit paid good support and took the child on holiday and so on. They had not been in any kind of relationship.

She has been a good mother for all her earlier ditzyness and the children are lovely so it has all worked out in the end. The girl is fortunate that her mother is so strong. She is an only child and will inherit her parent's house in time. She returned to work when the children became teenagers. It is quite possible she will bevin to live a little for herself now. Never too late.

Sorry but how does anyone know if a child's Father is one of several, is that based on gossip or rumour or can anyone be certain that a person has slept with several because if you weren't witness to the act you cannot be sure

@sn21

How do you afford 3 kids? Genuine question

I too was this girl. I
used to think people looked at me and judged me. But my kids are great adults.

Pre-kids is probably have been judgey but I was a real pain in those days about everything. 😆

Now, I'd envy her energy and think that her kids were lucky to grow up with a young mum. And she'll never struggle with night feeds, etc, like I did at nearly 40.

Plus she'll be finished with the school run, etc, by early 30s and can then work her way up the career ladder without needing a maternity break. It's perfect in lots of ways.

No, I wouldn’t judge. I actually admire young mums. Motherhood is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and to take it on when society seems to be set against you (with judgement, lower min wage for under 21s, full on responsibility instead of thinking only of yourself like most young adults etc) it must be harder for younger mums in a way, but I can also see a lot of benefits to having kids younger.

I do silently judge crap parents, but that’s got nothing to do with age!

@sincethereis

Me and my partner both work

As a mum who has 4 children under 6 at the age of 28. 3 of them were conceived due to contraception failures (different contraceptions, tubes tied now hopefully that work 😂). No I wouldn't judge. And the word pity is coming up an awful lot. She's a mum like the rest of us why would she need pitying? Is being a mum so awful for most people? It drives me bonkers when people see me with my children and offer sympathy or "oh it must be so hard". Yes it is but I would appreciate people's comments being more geared towards my kids being well taken care off or the hours I've put in teaching them how to read/write/walk/potty train ect. Not pity.

Nope, I wouldn't judge at all - my daughter is the same age. The only thing that perhaps 'worried' me when we found out with the first baby was that she would cope. But she's more than proved she can. She has one lovely toddler and another baby due any day. She has a lovely stable relationship, holds down a good job, pays her bills and is a wonderful Mum.

Nasty comments by some.As long as children are raised with love and care it matters not what age( legal of course).Will be as many brilliant young mums as any age.

I really hope family members have children at a young age. We have fertility issues in my family and many miscarriages. We also have some cases of early onset of the menopause.

A “girl” under 20 with two children....yes, I would judge.

A clearly responsible young woman, with financial security, maturity & support, under 20....no, wouldn’t judge.

The thing that I judge is when a young person, not fully matured & lacking in life experience, chooses to have children when they have no job security, no home of their own, no money, often no stable partnership.....but just expect society to pay for & raise the children they bring into the world....just because they think they are ‘entitled’ or ‘owed’ to have whatever they want, despite not being in a position to (or even ever tried to!) achieve it for themselves.
That, I believe, is immature & irresponsible, and that, Is what I am judgemental of.

Not at all had my girls at 20 and 22 and DS1 at 24 finished uni and got a masters as did OH.
In November OH and I will be alone on holiday sunning it up while DD1 looks after DS2. I work with a few women similar ages to myself who’s eldest kids are 6/7 and honestly I don’t think I could be arsed anymore - in my 20s I never would have had the money to do the travelling we can do now either.

There was a thread on here the other day. Women always get judged for the age at which they have a baby no matter what age that is. Youre either too young or too old. It seems women can never do it right, no matter what they do.

I was a young mum. I also had a lot of children.

In all honesty, I would not want my children to follow in my footsteps. My children were always well loved and cared for without a doubt. I am 38 soon and I am working hard to develop my career. I work and study and while it is all going really well It's bloody exhausting juggling that with parenting. I have never been care free and know that I will never be. Yes, I am focusing on my career now and I do socialise a lot more, but care free I will never be.

I know full well young parents can be great parents. I just wouldn't want that for my children because being a parent is hard, being a younger parent does have additional hardships for many.

I want my children to have some time as young adults where they have no massive responsibilities. As a teen I wasn't big into going out with friends etc so I didn't feel at the time that I missed out on anything. At age 38 I realise that I did.

)A lot of young women had one ,or two children, at the age of 20 in my era of having children (1970 ish) and apart from a nosy neighbour or two,they were not judged at all. That's mainly because there was no social media then,and women just got on with raising their children, perhaps with a little help from Mum, so no wide spread comments to " read all about it "

Does everyone just assume a teen parent as someone who has had children at 16 or under and are single parents that want to sit on benefits because that's what it seems like for everyone that does judge. At 18 you're legally an adult so I don't see why so many people class 18 & 19 as teen parents as well🤷🏼‍♀️

It is perfectly easy to provide for children and be pregnant at the same time. There is a thing called working while pregnant and maternity leave. How do you think other people do it?

I've been working since I was 17 and before that I was in college full time. It's not impossible to work and study and with all the opportunities for further higher education when you get older what is the harm in starting a family early?

I'm grateful for the fact that I will hopefully get to spend more time with my children than someone who has chosen to have their children later on in life.

I'm grateful for coming from a family that have started their family young as I got to meet the majority of my great grandparents and those are memories that I will cherish forever.

At 18 you're legally an adult so I don't see why so many people class 18 & 19 as teen parents as well

because that's what the name means!