Be honest - would you judge the girl under 20 who has 2 children?

[namechange6678]

Honestly, what would your thoughts be at this?? Especially if the person looks under 20.

I think I might have, when I was younger (i.e. around 20 myself). But now that I'm in my thirties with a wider set of life experiences and friends I would not judge her at all. People are different and make different choices. My niece had her first at only 17 years old and yet she's been an absolutely stellar hands on mum as well as working hard to get her higher education. Her daughter is 15 now and a real credit to my niece. I have a ton of respect for her! (She had two when she was about 22 so a similar but not quite the same situation)

I was the girl with two kids before I was 20. I wouldn’t judge one now, but I’d empathise/pity her a bit. I wouldn’t change my kids for the world, but I wouldn’t do it again given the chance either.

I honestly wouldn't give a shit 🤷‍♀️

No not at all.

I had two at the age of 21. I was a very good mum and both my girls are wonderful, well-adjusted women now.

I probably would have at one point but now I wouldn't. One of the best mums I know had 2 kids by 18. But in all honesty I imagine many people would judge.

Depends what you mean by 'judge'.

I would probably think 'oh that's young to have 2' but I wouldn't think 'how shocking to have 2 children I bet she's a hopeless Mum!'

Judge isn't the right word, but I'd feel for her that she was so encumbered with responsibility so young.

As a pp says, in my late 20s I might have thought it was a tragedy but now I'd think that if she had GOOD support then they could ''all grow up together'' and that the young woman would be ''free'' again by her mid 30s. Free to pursue some of her own goals. Which obviously she could do before her children were old enough to leave on their own for a while if she had good family support.

But I guess all my ''ifs'' focus on the young woman having the support of her family and I'm not putting much faith in to the support (financial and/or practical) that a young man of about the same age would provide long term. So it's a burden on her family.

Nope because I was this person at one point. I’m not a bad Mother at all, still managed to get a degree and now own a home.

Not everyone who has children young amounts to nothing or is an awful parent.

Being honest, I judge people who have messy and chaotic lives due to the fact that they either:

A) make consistently bad decisions where they have control, or do not take due care in the important areas of their lives
B) fail to recognise or make any effort of dealing with or repairing the results of A), either by reaching out for help, or by helping themselves

So... maybe! But maybe not - it depends entirely on circumstances. On of the most together women I know had two children by 22. I can see another friend bringing kids into her highly unstable relationship at 30. All cases are individual, and I do judge, but I tend to judge entire scenarios, not a few bare facts.

Now that I have 2DC myself I’d probably hope that she has a lot of support around her.

Life’s too short for judging other people when you don’t know much about them

Pre kids, yes.

Post kids, no.

She just had sex twice.

Pity more than judge. And pity her children too. Sadly all too common, what chance do any of them have of a nice life 💔

@breaker wow! that was a bit of a nasty and closed-minded comment!

I had 2 at 20. Never gave anyone's attitude a thought tbh...

Before having my two yeh definitely.

Now my perspective has changed I'd have a fucktonne of respect for her managing two kids whilst being so young and with the cards stacked against her. I look young despite being mid thirties and I've had some snotty "kids having kids" comments, I can't imagine how it feels to be up against it constantly potentially with limited support/financial security whilst still possibly completing your education. Young, dedicated teen mums are amazing, hats off to them.

Silently, yes. I would assume it was a contraception failure, because personally I can't get my head around why on earth someone would choose to do it on purpose!

But then people look at me and probably think why on earth does she wear those stupid shoes, so whatever.

Everyone silently judges one thing or another.

No more than I judge the neighbour who had her two children at 44 and 47 .ie I don’t judge at all. I think it’s noteworthy because it’s rare, but there’s no reason to “judge” as such.

Someone’s being a mite goady. Age in itself has very little to do with how a child’s life turns out. There are many other things that feed into that!

@namechange6678 what was nasty about it? I was being honest as you asked.

i'd probably feel sorry for her

But then I also silently have thoughts such as:

Why on earth does anyone watch Love Island
What kind of muppets are out there voting UKIP
Why do young girls wear such tiny clothes outside when it's freezing
Why is that idiot in front of me not indicating
Who in their right mind would eat jellied eels

I don't voice anything of these things obviously - it's just a case of people being different.

How do you know this person is under 20, she might look young. I had my oldest at 18 and my second child at 21 but I looked at lot younger. I still do now and 38, people think I'm early 20's.

No I wouldn't judge solely on age. In fact I admire young mums who enjoy it and haven't just had them "for benefits" or whatever.

Only in as much as I sometimes wish I had 20 year old energy!
Nope. I don't think most people would. What's to judge?

because I know how much having kids stuffs up your life and opportunities and the things she will miss out on. even I who was 30 having first baby am envious of child free people for many reasons. but we can't all have everything!