Be honest - would you judge the girl under 20 who has 2 children?

[namechange6678]

Honestly, what would your thoughts be at this?? Especially if the person looks under 20.

I would have judged when I was younger but now that I'm older and wiser I realise that being older doesn't mean that you have your shit together. I wouldn't judge now.

Hold on Iamhappy, the thread title was would you judge and mydhhasahobby said she would for her own reasons but you think she should keep her opinions to herself because of hurt feelings?

I mean, that's not really how it works in these parts.

I think more would judge than they would care to admit. It’s not cool to admit to your prejudices.

I had my first at 19, and felt lots of judgement. I didn’t get the same reaction to my other 3 subsequent children (mid and late 20s)

Some really disgusting attitudes on this thread.
I live in an area where its very common to have babies young, having a baby over 30 is "old".

Out of all the people I know who actually went to uni and did something with their lives, were the people had babies under 25. Myself included. Yet the married 30 year old working a minimum wage job and getting top up benefits thinks she's superior because she was born 10 year earlier??? pfffft.

Silently, yes. I would assume it was a contraception failure, because personally I can't get my head around why on earth someone would choose to do it on purpose!

See I can't get why people wait until later in life. I didn't realise so many people struggle with infertility until I joined mumsnet. And it makes me question why people choose to wait until there 30s-40s when if there is something wrong they've then got to go through a long process of treatment. Not to mention the expense of Ivf. Where if you found out there was a problem in your teens/ 20s time is on your side.

CJ'sGoldfish think you're projecting a little bit there. No one's saying that's all she can do. It's perfectly possible to be educated and have a career at the same time as having children.

OP, I would request to delete this thread or unwatch this. It probably won't be good for mental health with these nasty opinions on here. Go through this 2nd pregnancy being happy and healthy, knowing that you'll be a lovely mum :)

If you really care about what complete strangers can think, it really proves you ARE too young, sorry.

WTF?!
So are you seriously saying she can’t be upset by what she’s read on here and if she is then she’s too young? How patronising! Believe it or not younger people do get annoyed too and shouldn’t have to put up with shit from older people.

What about other threads on here where other people get offended by what they read? E.g. when disabled people talk about how shit they feel when they read some ignorant comments? Are you going to patronise them as well?

iamhereiamhappy
well done you but again why do you care what strangers on the internet think?

I only hope my own kids won't make what I think is a huge mistake, but otherwise, I don't really care. I am yet to be convinced about the positive of having kids in your late teens though, I haven't read any convincing arguments so far.

@iamhereiamhappy it's okay, I wanted to know more so I could know what people would think rather than being naive and thinking everyone would see the positive and my abilities as I do! It'll build resilience if nothing else

I've got education and a lot more ambition than many people I know without children

Ironically, this is what makes me feel even sadder for you as I fear that this ambition will make you miserable and resentful over the course of your life as it is more likely than not to go unrealised.

I think @Iamhappy might be in a better situation as her only ambition seems to have been motherhood IYSWIM?

So much for feminism, when women are being judged by other women for the choices they make. I had two.kids out of wedlock to different fathers. Still with the youngests father but absolutely no desire to get married (institutionalised love isn't for me, ta).

So many outdated concepts on this thread, its unreal.

I'm married, I got a mortgage and own my house at 22. I have two gorgeous children and a supervisor role at work

So then not in the same situation as most young women with 2 dc by age 20 are you? Come on iamhere you have to be aware that your particular circumstances are not the norm for the vast majority of teen mums in this day and age.

Oh and people didn't say your dc are disadvantaged because you're young, posters were speaking in general terms about what that persons circumstances were LIKELY to be and they're not wrong! So really, if those aren't your circumstances then I've no idea why you've taken these (asked for) opinions so personally.

@CatOnASwing I think you're completely wrong!

I had 2 DC by 19, our first was unplanned but our second was planned. We own a house, DH has a very good career, as do I. I wanted DC young for my own, personal reasons. I’d never judge parents of any age, life would be boring if we all did everything the same.

funinthesun19

In this case, it is a bit childish to be upset when you read the question of the OP, yes.

"would you judge" is likely to attract as many "yes" than "no", so don't read if you don't like other people's opinion. We are just answering the question, not stopping random people in the street to give them unwanted opinion!

I honestly cannot be positive about a teen mother, I don't think it's ideal. It's not about being young versus being old.

I hope I am. There are always a few individuals who buck the trend and I hope you are one of them.

The results of many, many pieces of research unfortunately show the deck will always be stacked against you though.

I wouldn’t judge at all, it’s not something I would have wanted for myself but I recall being at school with a girl and all she wanted to do was leave school and have lots of babies, which she did, she had 4 under 24. Each to their own and she may have had a happier, more content life than I have so.....

So much for feminism, when women are being judged by other women for the choices they make.

Exactly. Some “feminists” just like to cherry pick what applies to feminism and what doesn’t. Older women judging younger women and looking down their snooty noses at them.

So many outdated concepts derived from years of social research on this thread

There, fixed that for you.

@myDH, your opinion is fine, I think it's more the smug, patronising tone that irks people. Your way isn't the only way, though you are entitled to think under 20 is too young.

So much for feminism, when women are being judged by other women for the choices they make.

That's got nothing to do with feminism! You can be a feminist and still disapprove with the choices other women make. being a feminist doesn't stop you from being a human. Plenty of feminists judge women who change their name upon marriage.

What about Rose West and Myra Hindley, are feminists not allowed to judge the choices they made??

@cat I didn't need it fixing if it's all the same to you. Marriage isn't a prerequisite to having children ffs.

Older women judging younger women and looking down their snooty noses at them.

if that makes you feel better, my younger self would have judged even more harshly, I have mellowed a lot in my old child-full years

Yes, It’s not a situation I’d have wanted for any of mine and I think it’s too young.