Be honest - would you judge the girl under 20 who has 2 children?

[namechange6678]

Honestly, what would your thoughts be at this?? Especially if the person looks under 20.

Thanks for calling me deluded! Worked fine for me. If you haven’t tried it, don’t knock it.

Honestly no of course not, the girl is a human being for christ sake. Whats to judge? She has only had children, she hasn't killed anyone.

Judging young women for having children belongs back in the 1950s, I don't think anyone would care very much about a mother's age.

That is my biggest regret. I didn't even get past the point of having a cufew set by my parents before I was a mother myself, and then hardly went out.

It's never too late. Hopefully you'll get your carefree days later in life.

It's not generally the age people judge it's the circumstances, eg are they relying on parents to support them and do the child's, are they living on benefits, are they trying to put measures in place to improve their life chances eg studying. One teenager pregnancy and then getting your life for you and your child on track most people find ok, once a second child (not twins) is born is shows a lack of responsibility. But that said a young couple working hard and standing on their own two feet all credit to them, so it's lifestyle we tend to judge

No I wouldn't judge her but I would absolutely think it's less than ideal because generally speaking that young woman's life is going to be a lot tougher than it needed to be. Raising children is tough, you need to provide for them financially, practically and emotionally and while that's not impossible at 20 (nor a walk in the park at 40!) I would say it's often more difficult.

At 20 years of age with 2 children it's likely that her opportunities for education/training have already been limited which then limits her options in terms of jobs and earning potential which further limits her choices such as where she'd prefer to raise her dc and the opportunities and experiences she can offer them.

She and they are likely to be financially dependent on her partner and very often relationships at 20 don't last, especially with the added pressure of two dc. If no partner they're likely to be dependent on a benefits system which can change on the whim of whatever party is in government and/or the help and support of family.

People mature at different rates of course but looking back I think neither I nor most people I know really were mature enough emotionally or in terms of life experience etc at 20 to be fully responsible for two small people. Though I'm sure we all know 30 year olds we could say the same about!

I wouldn't judge but I'm afraid. I don't and never will see any positives to having dc at a very young age. I'm from a very working class background and an area that would have been designated disadvantaged if government policy was to give a fuck back then and my negativity about it is based on what I observed around me rather than any judgement of individuals.

I agree that it's totally different being carefree at 40 than carefree at 20. Because yes, your kids may be adults when you are 40, but they still need you. And you can't get the same experiences at 40 as you can at 20! I'm glad I got all my drinking crazy partying days over at uni, I'm only 26 now but if I have a night out in completely dead the next day! Whereas I could go out 3 nights a week at uni! It's totally fine to not want this lifestyle, but I think people have clouded judgement if they think having kids young will make you carefree as soon as they turn 18!

At 20 honestly no. 15 and under I think I would.

Wow breaker!
Patronising, much?

Each to their own I say, although I think I'd want my own children to live a little first before settling down having kids of their own. Wouldn't for one minute pity them though.

Not if the dc were well looked after and provided for.

Why do ask OP?

WHY would you want to have 2 children by the time you are 20? Genuine question, of all the things in the world to do, learning, travelling, and having fun, why would you put everything else on hold and decide to have children that young?

What makes you decide that absolutely nothing is more important that having your babies right now?

For those who've asked - I'm the person who's under 20 who'll have 2 kids.

I shouldn't care but have received a few comments so far and was just curious to see how widespread the judgement actually goes!

I think I can judge perfectly well whether or not I’m enjoying my life now, thanks!

I wouldn’t have had a carefree life at that age anyway - I was not the type to go out drinking/clubbing or filling my time with the usual mindless things many teenagers and young people do, so I really didn’t miss out on that. I would have been out of step with most people my age, for various reasons.

Of course you will never be truly carefree once you have children (you’re only ever as happy as your unhappiest child), but that is the case whatever age you are when you become a parent.

myDH you are clearly convinced that your way is the only "correct" way, doesn't make everyone else wrong though.
In my case it was because of a family history of very early menopause, I had a husband, a mortgage and wanted to take no chances. I regret nothing

Not at all.
I would judge shit parenting whether the parent is 17 or 37. Age doesn’t make a good parent.
I certainly wouldn’t pity a 20 year old mother or the children!
As long as the children are loved and looked after it wouldn’t matter.

I think people have clouded judgement if they think having kids young will make you carefree as soon as they turn 18!

Yes and also it assumes she's done with having dc when in reality she could have more over the next 20 years. Loads of the girls I went to school with/in the area I'm from went on to have what some of them describe as a "second family" in their 30s so they certainly won't be off traveling and partying in the near future.

I've always wanted to be a young mum. I've never really had the travelling bug, or had a great desire to be "young wild and free." My ambitions always revolved around having a family, a nice little house and making a home. I had my second at 21. It's hard work but I love it. I have a nice steady job, and I'm looking forward to furthering my career in 10 years time or so, when my children are grown, and can crack on without having any big breaks for maternity leave.

She'd probably be less knackered than I feel at 35

Good for you OP it's a great age to have kids and a normal age tbh.

It's hardly your fault some women are waiting longer to have their kids.

Loads of my friends had their DC at a young age and they are all the ones now with their own homes, low mortgages most paid off actually and decent jobs because it gave something to strive for etc.

Enjoy them while they're young and then do your thing once they're settled in school.

You can do what you want when you want just make them proud.

In the past I would but with life experience I don't. Some under 20s are really mature. Also while at 18 you may not have the life experience or finances to support your child, at 40+ it's likely you'll have the emotional and financial means to support them through adulthood

FatThor

I don't think my way is the only way at all, but there's a huge range of choice and possibilities between my own and having kids when you are still a kid yourself.

I do think having a kid when you are still a teen is too young, even if you are one of the few to have a great education, a good job, life experience, a mortgage and plenty to offer your kids at 20.

Op, you’ll get a few people who will judge. That won’t stop unfortunately. You’ve just got to try and rise above it and not let it bother you and enjoy your life. Sod everyone and their opinions.

You have to try and shut those people out. They’re nothing.

Under 20 with 2? I'd be feeling pity more than anything. For mother and children.
No education, no ambition, probably continuing a cycle or beginning one.
Anyone who thinks having TWO children by twenty is a good idea clearly isn't smart or mature.

All this peak fitness bullshit drives me crazy. What the fuck good is 'fitness' or 'energy' if that's all you've got to offer?

Of course, this is MN where every teenage parent goes on to travel the world and reach every pinnacle of success in work and in life

and can crack on without having any big breaks for maternity leave.

but you just had your break for maternity leave now? So it doesn't really make sense.

@CJsGoldfish I've got education and a lot more ambition than many people I know without children.
I feel like the no ambition thing is such a weird thing to assume.

All this peak fitness bullshit drives me crazy. What the fuck good is 'fitness' or 'energy' if that's all you've got to offer?

that's utter bollocks anyway, many people are much fitter and full of energy later or just as much in their 30s than in their 20s. It's no wonder that most extra-runners for example are much older.