Be honest - would you judge the girl under 20 who has 2 children?

[namechange6678]

Honestly, what would your thoughts be at this?? Especially if the person looks under 20.

Depends what you mean by modern.

In Britain, the average age for first child for about 500 years was mid 20s. (Unless you were part of the nobility, in which case it was usually late teens.)

That was because people could not afford to marry until that age. Nothing to do with fertility. Novels are full of men and women bemoaning the fact that the man has not yet got a wage rise, and until he does, they can not marry.

But I am not arguing for a perfect age to have kids anyway. The truth is few people have kids when everything is perfect. I am just saying that there is nothing wrong with adults planning to have kids.

It’s not for any of us to judge each other. Live and let live. You live your life as you want to and as long as the children are looked after, fed, warm, clothed and happy , it’s not for anyone else to ‘judge’ .
I was 20 when my first was born, 21 for the second. I ended up being a single parent and although I know I was judged for the way I lived my life, my girls were fed, warm and never left alone. My friend was 16 when she had her first and was a mum to 3 at 21.
I stick my fingers up to anyone that has an opinion on my life.

My eldest daughter had her son at 22 and my youngest daughter has just had her son at 40. Their choice, nobody else’s business.
😁

I’m 22 years old and a nanny. I currently have full time care of a newborn, a 2 year old and a 5 year old. I often do overnights with these children too. I get exhausted. Absolutely exhausted. And that’s only 60 hours a week that’s I work if not doing overnights. It’s different to being a mum of course, but as a young woman, I treasure my weekends so much because they are childfree, something that young mothers likely don’t get. I know if I were to become a mother tomorrow, I could cope, but I would need endless support and I would feel like i’d lost my youth too soon, so I couldn’t imagine what it would feel like for someone who isn’t legally an adult...

Didn’t answer the question- no I wouldn’t judge them at all. But I would hope that they are ok and not feeling to overwhelmed by it all.

My mother also had my brother at 18. She was a kickass mum to myself, my brother and my sister, she worked her bum off and we all went to top private schools, have great high paying jobs now. And I still call her daily

You're right about the mid-20s being for economic reasons (though I'd argue that the same applies here, though we now have a more robust welfare state).

But fertility was affected too, with the average age of menarche some 3-5 years later.

Anyway, that's all academic. I just get a bit frustrated with the common and very wrongheaded idea that tons of teens were getting married and having babies in 'olden times' Britain when it's actually deeply driven by socio-economic and cultural structures and in its current iteration very much a post-industrial construct.

If she can manage to juggle everything then her kids get a young, energetic mother and won’t find themselves parentless by 35 like I did. It has some advantages.

Wouldn’t even reach my radar

Live and let live

Child born to this teenage when I had her Mum is absolutely fine not neglected no health problems did well at school now at uni has a brilliant Grandmother and me and we'll always always look after her whatever she chooses to do.
The stereotyping goes on and on though

NancyDrawn That is a fair point. I too get frustrated when people argue things from "facts" that are wrong.

In terms of when you become an adult, in Scotland you are legally an adult at 16.

I wouldn’t judge them at all. But I would hope that they are ok and not feeling to overwhelmed by it all

I would just think the above. I found motherhood overwhelming and was lonely and isolated for two years, and that was when everyone my age was doing it. I would also hope that they had good support.

But when I was in hospital having DC1 there was a very young mum in the bed next to me and I remember thinking how good she was with her baby, and that she would be a lovely mum.

Don't really understand the legitimacy of the comments about DC of young parents not being nutritionally balanced and neglected. Nor added health complications.

DS is breastfed and is served a variety of vegetables and fruit although only eats some of it. He is very cared for and is a very happy toddler. I had an easy pregnancy and birth. He was a healthy weight and we were home within 6 hours. I know two other young mums (and dads), and they are wonderful parents.

Don't really understand the legitimacy of the comments about DC of young parents not being nutritionally balanced and neglected. Nor added health complications.

DS is breastfed and is served a variety of vegetables and fruit although only eats some of it. He is very cared for and is a very happy toddler. I had an easy pregnancy and birth. He was a healthy weight and we were home within 6 hours. I know two other young mums (and dads), and they are wonderful parents.

Do you not know the difference between something being statistically more likely and one random anecdote?

I would not judge in terms of capability to parent. I think there’s a lot to be said for having kids young. But it does force you to grow up quickly & ages you in some ways so I’d hope they are adequately supported to have some fun & freedom still

All the comments about how very young mothers will have more energy - am I really the only one who has more energy in my 30s than I did at 19? I slept loads in my late teens and got up much, much later (and hated getting up early much more) than I do now. I'm also in better physical shape in many ways as I actually exercise and eat a (mostly) good diet now, whereas at 20 I just relied on staying naturally thin while eating junk all day and scoffing at the idea of the gym!

I'd agree the energy thing is so relative. I think you have tons of energy before you have kids anyhoo, it's the strain pregnancy, carrying etc takes on your body that makes it turn creaky!!!

No I wouldn't judge. We are designed to have children at that age.

am I really the only one who has more energy in my 30s than I did at 19?

Nope, never been in better physical condition than in my 30s.
I follow ultra-runners who tend to be "middle-aged" more than youngsters, so it's quite common.

Having a baby is relatively easy anyway. The hard parenting work starts later.

OP - I would suggest you ignore what everyone thinks. If you are happy and content with your decision and will be a good mum, then who cares what people think?! Like some posters said having children at any age will have its pros and cons. I’m struggling to have my second now at 41 and I so wish I was much younger.

Best of luck! x

I would hope you're ok. Concern, not judgement. My dc would be crazy worried about money.

One of the best mothers I have ever known had her first at 18. She was married and happy. I knew her 18 years later.

I often wish I had my dc younger. It was a bunch of stupid lies when they said we could wait to have children until 30s40s. Most of my friends had trouble conceiving at that age.

As long as you're safe, happy, healthy and economically safe (that's a big one for young people) be happy with your choices.

Yes I do understand that. However, I believe many of those statistics are outdated/based on a specific demographic.

Regardless, I don't feel it's fair to make assumptions based on those statistics. That was my point. Sorry if I didn't make it clear. My doctor assumed I was formula feeding, I had to correct her. A woman I walked by in the street when DS was newborn raised her eyebrows and said "looks fun but it isn't", I have other examples but I won't bore you with them. It just doesn't seem correct to judge a mother solely on age, without knowing anything about her life quality and parenting.

I thought physically, 25 was the ideal age for pregnancy and birth?

I had my first at 25 and was knackered, but I'd be a zombie now!

If I saw you at twenty with your kids walking down the street I wouldn't think anything negative about your age. Young parents can be excellent parents, as can any age group I believe. All have pluses and minuses I think. I'd probably be gooey over your little ones as mine are nearly grown up now!

I'm 20 and I have 2 children, and I have another on the way. I come from a family where most of us have been teen parents.

My mums side of the family are very supportive no matter what, they see it for what it is that I have just decided to do things the other way round and start my family first.

Whereas on the other hand my dads family just think I'm making mistake after mistake and constantly judge my parenting although I'm doing better than most people I know, better than they did at that too in some things. They seem to think that they know everything that goes on when they're not around but they don't.

I may not be the best mum but I love all my children and do whatever I can to be the best I can be and they are always well provided for.