Be honest - would you judge the girl under 20 who has 2 children?

[namechange6678]

Honestly, what would your thoughts be at this?? Especially if the person looks under 20.

The same way everyone else did, we both worked, I had two days off in the week and worked at the weekend.

from 3 he was at a play group next to the nursery, they did wrap around care so before school/playgroup then again at lunch before they dropped them at the nursery.

His dad worked early shifts so picked him up from nursery at 3.30

Such a shame those who of you who judge the women/girl! I was judged. A lot. Married far too young to realise my escape strategy was to a far more awful situation. Had two children by the time is was 19 - nobody judged my waste of oxygen gene donor that my children no longer call 'dad'. Nope. Always the women's fault. Anyhow - got my shit together, jettisoned the violent and abusive pig and got on with my life - studied and got a grown up job and everything. Children went to private school and they had a lovely life. I realised that I had to get in control of the chaos and make positive decisions for me and my children. I pity the people who see a young girl coping with what life has thrown at her and maybe trying to get it together, and never think - where's the man that contributed to this situation? Have some humanity and consideration for circumstances that were not your own. You might judge - but what I've realised is those who did came up wanting in the humanity, empathy and decency stakes. I pity them and their shallow ignorance.

I also did some pub work for a while to from 18

By the time we were 20 I was qualified and renting a chair in a fairly expensive salon and he was a refrigeration engineer on pretty good money

We did have a housing association house though in a fairly cheap area

khaleesi71
your post is only telling posters they are right to feel sorry for a teen mother!

Absolutely not.

I had Dd when I was 17. She is just about to finish her first year at Uni. I am 36, still very much together with her Dad. We both work FT, own our home (10 yrs left on mortgage). We have a younger Ds14 also.

Many of my colleagues are on maternity leave here and there, have the financial burden of childcare that I no longer have etc. My eldest loves that I am a 'younger' Mum in comparison to her friends parents.

However, everyone circumstances are different. I didn't plan on being a parent so young, however abortion was not an option for myself nor Dp. As such we made it work. At times things were financially tough, granted. However we have come out of the other side so to speak.

The unpredictable downside for me, is I am feeling 'empty nest syndrome' at my age. Whilst Ds is here still, he is fairly self sufficient. Dd is coming home in a couple of weeks for the summer holidays and frankly I can not wait to have her home.

Pity more than judge. And pity her children too. Sadly all too common, what chance do any of them have of a nice life

Take your pity elsewhere, children of young mothers do not require it by default. Pity of children of rude, judgemental mothers on the other hand...

No I would not judge.
I am older and it was very common for people to have kids younger when I was young.
And I would assume if you had two kids, that they were planned.

khaleesi71 I was judged to! Never forgot the feeling till this day. So many negative comments 'You have ruined your life' etc. I like to think now that I bloody well showed them!!

Such stupid comments. How have you ruined your life by having kids?

Well I am 22 with three children who are happy healthy and have an amazing life.
People of course are entitled to there opinion but they shouldn’t be so narrow minded saying such things as they pity the children or the mother if she is a single mum.
Not all ‘young mums’ are living on benefits and struggling.
Personally I’d never of wanted to have my children at an older age.
My children have lived in New Zealand for a year ( they are 4,3 & 2). We own our own home in a nice area etc.
I’m not a single parent my partner has a very well paid job and I also work part time as I don’t want too miss out on my children growing and developing!
No one should judge others as it is merely none of there business when someone chooses to become a parent. People will do it when they feel ready and by judging them won’t make it change!

I like to think now that I bloody well showed them
it's a complete moot point, you will never know what you would have achieved and where you would be now if you had children a bit later.

@morondelefrontera no. Really not. Don't use my story to further your indignant self righteousness. People in difficult situations don't need pity. They need empathy and support. If that's out your scope of emotional intelligence then you should stay away. Judge silently if you will. No one cares.

@MorondelaFrontera

No. Really not. Don't use my story to further your indignant self righteousness. People in difficult situations don't need pity. They need empathy and support. If that's out your scope of emotional intelligence then you should stay away. Judge silently if you will. No one cares.

khaleesi71
You are the one describing a situation no mother would wish on her daughter, what do you expect people to do? Laugh at you ?
Of course I feel sorry for you. Your last post made me even more sorry. It's a pity

Judge her in what way?

She's made choices I wouldn't have made at her age, but I'm not her. Nothing to say she won't be a good parent, or a successful member of society.

@MorondelaFrontera do as you wish. Not sure what there is to feel sorry for though? All so long ago that even wars are forgotten in that time. If you're emotionally investing in my story then I feel sorry for what seems to be mean spirited and rather awful sense of self. As I said - I pity them. Maybe it balances out then.

No.
I'm judging you for judging though OP!

Absolutely not. I was pregnant with my first at 19 and had completed my family by the age of 25. You can get crap parents at any age.

My mum never had me till her mid 30s and as a consequence I had very limited time with my grandparents.

khaleesi71
i was just pointing out that replying to posters "don't pity me, I was a teen mother in a shitty relationship and in a bad situation" is not a great way to prove people wrong in their judgement

I'm afraid I agree with @MorondelaFrontera .

99 times out of 100, it is the woman left holding the baby. The woman who's life is often severely and negatively impacted. Who has to juggle childcare with education. Who misses out and has to grow up too fast. Whose options are lessened.

I didn't want this for myself, and definitely don't want this for my DD.

MorondelaFrontera No. Not a moot point.

I have one degree thanks to the Open Uni, and I am working on a second. I have a good job (in an unrelated field to my degree) that pays well, has flexi-time, and a generous holiday allowance and benefits. I get home from work most days by 4.30 which I love!
Dp has a great job that he has been in for 20ys, working his way up from a runner. We have our health, family, friends and are lucky enough to be able to afford nice holidays abroad.

You said you will never know what you would have achieved and where you would be now if you had children a bit later

I contribute where we are in life to the fact we pulled our fingers out due to impending parental responsibility. Perhaps if we hadn't become parents so young, we would be in a much lesser position all round now.

Perhaps if we hadn't become parents so young, we would be in a much lesser position all round now.

Perhaps, you'll never know.

On the other hand, I do know that I wouldn't be where I am in my job if I hadn't had the freedom to work stupid hours, travel and find the time to get even more qualifications if I had had a baby then. I also know that I wouldn't have my house today - even if you can blame the stupid rise in property prices locally. Same for DH.

I am not saying I am right or wrong, just that by having children later there's no "what if". If I haven't achieved something, that's on me only, not because of any outside circumstance.

I also know that if I hadn't had my kids,I would have dumped the whole thing and become a beach bum by now

Nope, would not judge at all.

I wish I had started having mine earlier.

I can't see what it has to do with anyone else.

Only in that I think it would be unusual to be a young mum as so many women, myself included; came to motherhood really late.

Would also be envious of her energy.

Biologically of course we are designed to have children young, and also be young grandparents. It’s just society and economics which has skewed things.

@MorondelaFrontera ok - that's fine but why pity for me? What is it that you think you need to feel sorry for me for? I was in a bad situation - but there were two of us and nobody ever judges the man.

I sorted myself out - because I am resilient and resourceful and capable of more than bearing children. I did what many others did - went to uni, did post grad, travelled, and brought up two children. Others here have a number of inspirational stories of how they overcome adversity. Your takeaway from that is that I (and others) need pity? Seems odd to me. My point is that bad choices are not always made by bad people and sometimes it works out ok - because they are actually resilient and resourceful and capable and I'm staggered that some here feel the right to pity and judge.

OP asked if people judge women. I ask why not judge the man - he is equally responsible.