How to motivate a v chatty boy in class to stop chatting?

[Thelowquietsea]

DS, 8, Y3 is a wonderful soul but just very chatty. He is always talking, always asking questions - which is great, of course, but not when he's in class.

This year he has a fabulous teacher. I think she is just great. However, she and I have had loads of chats about DS who she says is just very chatty at the wrong time. WHilst he's not alone, he's a regular. He's academic v strong, in the top few in the class - she says that whilst he can pick things up after listening half an ear - he's talking to others who need to really listen. So it's really disruptive from that POV as well.

She's done everything - carrot/stick/moving him, talking to him - I feel we've done everything - reward/talk about respect regularly/incentives/punishment/ on and on and on from term 1.

Nothing changes. Or if it does, it's for a short time.

I don't know what to do! It's so annoying. Before anyone wades in with does he have SEN - No, he doesn't at all. He just seems to lack self-control. Or he doesn't WANT it enough or to please me enough!

Aagh. I know he'll grow up and hopefully improve, but any thoughts or tips on how to change this around would be welcome.

If he is always talking at home too then yOu can work on it at home so he gets out of the habit. Get him to shush while you are reading, or wait a minute while you finish something before he asks his question. You need to train him to filter his thoughts not just send everything straight out of his mouth 😂

Yes, the teacher said that some of the kids are like toddlers - no filter. They need to tell each other or her EVERYTHING THEY ARE THINKING

But i do ask him to stop if DH and I are talking or I'm doing something. I'm pretty firm.

This isn't only a dc issue, it's a teacher issue too. She needs to give him differentiated more challenging work if he's distracted because it's too easy. Extra questions just for him, problem solving etc. She should have something extra in place to keep him focused. I get my chatty (!!!!) academically able student to count how many times I say 'okay' - scary amount unfortunately! Lol.

She needs to get inventive. I have also had success with getting them to write down what has popped into their heads and giving them 3 minutes at the end of class one to one where we go through the thoughts and ideas. My students are older, but if he's bright enough there are lots of things his teacher can try without stiffling his curiosity or intelligence. He may not be adhd, but there are plenty of adhd tips for dealing with impulsive talking.

Another thing is the 3 tickets. He can only ask questions or comment 3 times. When he speals out of turn he loses a ticket. Kids start to police their own chattiness in order to save the tickets for something important or exciting than random thoughts.

That's what the teacher is trained for.

Speals = speaks. Lol

PS he would 'secretly' be my favourite student! 😁

It sounds like he's in a bad habit of chattiness which needs to be broken. Can he be sat on his own?

Actually she needs to be harsher and less understanding. He is talking because he wants to and does not respect the teachers instructions.

Inclined to agree with cansu. If he's that academically able 'listening time' shouldn't be an alien concept to him.

Separate him from his friends surely, sit him right at the front?

Listening time isn't alien to him. Of course he understands it. I've never said he doesn't - that's the problem, he does. But he can't follow through.

@Thingsdogetbetter - I love your thinking and ideas, thank you!

With the three tickets, what happens if they lose them all?

He's been separated/moved. There's only so many places he can go.

I want to stress, it's not just him. He's not the standout - he's just a regular.

A pp is right, it’s a complete lack of respect - for his teacher, his classmates, you. That’s your bottom line.

I’m surprised this hasn’t been dealt with by previous teachers, she can’t be the first to have this issue?

I am going to be brutally honest. When teachers tell you things in this very gentle way e.g he is very able and curious and he is not the only one but he finds it difficult not to blurt out all his wonderful ideas, they are actually telling you your child is disruptive. If he is regularly disturbing the others then he is the problem.

Op, my boy was like yours at that age, now he hardly talks

They grow up, honestly

Nip it in the bud if you can OP. It’s part of classroom etiquette. My DS was like this, basically never shuts up, Yap Yap Yap all the time at home and at school.
He was like this all the way through primary, and when he get to high school they simply won’t put up with this, and he’ll be in trouble.
The ticket idea sounds good, either that or some stern words about not blurting things out.

Differentiation. Children who are chatting can often be in lessons where they don’t have the opportunity to talk all lesson, so they make opportunities when they can. If they know they’re going to get a discussion segment it’s easier to stay quiet for the rest of the lesson. I’d suggest The Spider Strategy aa a teaching book with some good ideas on this. www.amazon.co.uk/Spider-Strategy-Six-Steps-Outstanding/dp/1472908643/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?s=gateway&keywords=spider+strategy&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1559586596&sr=8-1-spell

My DS’ teacher also did ‘pointless questions’ which sounds harsh but if someone unthinkingly blurted out a pointless question, it was written on the board (under the heading ‘pointless questions’) and unanswered for a few minutes then they were asked to decide if it is worth answering a few minutes later, or if they had worked the answer out for themselves. It stopped some of the interruptions. These were Y5 kids.

The teacher needs to hand them out at the beginning of each lesson. Not sure how his primary structures the day but it could be 3 at the beginning of each hour, moving to 3 between each break period etc. She will also need to validate him when he uses a ticket and acknowledge how interesting his question/thought is when he saves it up for something interesting. The longer he saves up a ticket the more validating he needs as a reward. If she fobs off his ticket usage there's no point in doing it.

Ok, in response:

@Cansu, what's the problem here? At what point have I said he isn't the problem? At no point. The teacher has not been gentle. The other points she made are not excusing him. Why do you feel the need to tell me /preach to me things that I have already clearly stated?

To the others

• we really have tried to nip it in the bud. We have tried, tried, tried. I'm very aware it's disrespectful. I hate it. He knows it.

The problem is that it's not just curious questions. it's talking to other kids, so posting the questions on the board, for example, doesn't necessarily translate.

I love the tickets idea but I have a feeling they won't implement any new reward/incentive programme unless it's school wide.

Pointless questions? Sorry, but i hate that title. Kids will stop asking questions if you humiliate them! They'll stop asking any questions. Even the ones that help them understand the lesson.! 'Off topic questions' or 'rushed questions' maybe, but calling any question pointless is against why I believe teaching is all about.

Have you tried a behaviour book? Split the day into three parts, he has to get three greens/ three smiley faces for each part of the day.

He brings it home to you and you sign it every night. Can be converted into a reward if you like.

I was very, very chatty in class - moved around to stop disrupting other students. Could she give him more challenging work? Sometimes I found the work pointless, at that age it didn't even cross my mind that other students might need to concentrate more.