How to motivate a v chatty boy in class to stop chatting?

[Thelowquietsea]

DS, 8, Y3 is a wonderful soul but just very chatty. He is always talking, always asking questions - which is great, of course, but not when he's in class.

This year he has a fabulous teacher. I think she is just great. However, she and I have had loads of chats about DS who she says is just very chatty at the wrong time. WHilst he's not alone, he's a regular. He's academic v strong, in the top few in the class - she says that whilst he can pick things up after listening half an ear - he's talking to others who need to really listen. So it's really disruptive from that POV as well.

She's done everything - carrot/stick/moving him, talking to him - I feel we've done everything - reward/talk about respect regularly/incentives/punishment/ on and on and on from term 1.

Nothing changes. Or if it does, it's for a short time.

I don't know what to do! It's so annoying. Before anyone wades in with does he have SEN - No, he doesn't at all. He just seems to lack self-control. Or he doesn't WANT it enough or to please me enough!

Aagh. I know he'll grow up and hopefully improve, but any thoughts or tips on how to change this around would be welcome.

Bribery has always done the trick for us: a reward chart with a big enough reward that will really incentivise him to remember. But make sure he realises that it's because he has to learn to listen as well as to talk, rather than being 'told off' for talking.
When I say 'big reward' you might have to go really big! - something fabulous that will blow his socks off that he will really want!

Just read your last post - please don't punish him, instead reward (bribe) him. Carrot, not stick.

This was me too. I wish I had a teacher like @Thingsdogetbetter @SmileEachDay and @Lackofsleepforyears
I was a bright child who could do the work and chat but was never encouraged and didn't succeed.

I wouldn’t do anything on a daily basis. I would have two states: we’re happy enough with your behaviour at school at the moment/we’re not.

Happy = normal state of affairs > treats, days out, TV etc. (in usual measured quantities)

Not happy = those things are gone until we see an improvement

Rewards - in our house - are for doing something really well, not just for not doing something you shouldn’t be doing.

This is absolutely not the teacher. Anyone suggesting there is not enough differentiation is missing the issue.

OP- you need to talk to your DS about how his behaviour effects the class. Although learning is often individual the class rise and fall as a team. So if they are all engaged they are helping each other and if people are off task they are harming the learning of the class.

It is important to get this going now before he reaches secondary- when socialising and friendships become all consuming. He’s got to learn before then that extraneous chat is counter productive.

Being stretched is a total separate issue and one that cannot be diagnosed by an internet random who hasn’t seen his book or observed a lesson.

There’s a very good book about boys achievement called Boys Don’t Try if you’re interested.

DS class had a ladder - every time someone shouted out the large coin moved up the ladder - there were 10 slots.

If they got to 10 the class missed out on play time - in reality the none talkers just left for break on time and the others were dismissed more slowly.

Soon stopped

please don't punish him, instead reward (bribe) him. Carrot, not stick.

Why? Not being goady.

I talk to DS all the time about how his behaviour must be effecting the class/teacher etc. ALL THE TIME. I have said this several times. I don't need to be told this or that it's going to be a problem at secondary - I know this. This is why I'm here.

Thanks, I shall look up 'Boys don't try.'

I wasn’t trying to have a go. It is just the frustration of trying the teach a while Yr10 group of boys without filters leaking out!

The only reason I mentioned it is because my boys seem quite shocked when I point out how selfish they are being. There is a lot of pressure on boys on secondary to ‘perform’- as in play up to quite a laddish stereotype.

One of the things I point out to student when we are having this talk is how little time we have I.e- the lesson is 60 mins and there are 30 of you. That means each student had about a minute and a half of my time each (having taken away the time to give instructions). Every instance where I have to stop to focus on behaviour is you (the child) stealing help and support from another student. And then I usually end with: don’t you think that’s incredibly selfish?

This has worked fairly well for me. Don’t pull any punches (metaphorically).

Another thing I do is get my boys to set themselves challenges: who can stay quietest the longest? Etc. If he’a bored get him to set himself small challenges along the lines of listening.

Thanks @BelleSausage. Sorry if I was short; I'm frustrating, tis all.

I think that talk is one I can have with DS, put it into numbers/minutes, and also challenge. He loves a challenge.

Hmm. I think I can see the issue here.

What issue can you see @herculepoirot2?

You seem - slightly - to be running scared of putting your foot down. You talk about conversations you can have with him, how you worry about breaking his spirit etc. Those things suggest to me that you haven’t been firm enough with him, and that is why the behaviour hasn’t stopped.

@herculepoirot2 - I'm not sure that's true. But this isn't the only area where he pushes boundaries. We've just come out of a big punishment for something else...or, shall I say, a stripping back of all rewards for some time...and we completely followed that through.

I'm actually really strict, I think - or firm, shall we say - but there's also this feeling of not wanting everything to be a battle. It makes for miserable living. And whilst I totally endorse the need for boundaries, respect, good behaviour - he's also only 8. Some of these things are not beacuse he's 'bad' but because he has no self-control yet. For all of his intelligence, he's immature.

I get it, but actually I think these years are formative. Don’t back down just because he was punished for something else. Taking in class on a regular basis is a problem. He needs to stop it. 8 is old enough, and 10 is too old - he’ll be stuck with the habit of it.

And “strict” is fine. Why do you feel the need to caveat it?

*talking

Yes, there's lost of sense here @herculepoirot2

I don't know why I feel the need to caveat 'strict'.

I was this kid in school and I spent a lot of time in detention during recess as punishment for talking excessively. Actually copied the entire section of the A words from the dictionary as punishment during it. It just took maturing and getting tired of punishment before I changed my behavior. Good luck

I think I know why. “Strict” is highly unfashionable. But it works. Good luck with him!

My mother used to be a primary school teacher and she says that she used to send some pupils for a run around the school whenever they got too rowdy or restless. Some young children just need the activity. Being cooped up inside, and having to behave may just be too much.

Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be only young children.

My DS is 14 and some of his school mates seem to have similar problems.

Lweji

That’s a good tactic, but it doesn’t address the fact that the children can’t control themselves. And they can.

The tactic was because some really didn't manage.

Trust me, my mother was of the strict variety. But also kind and intelligent.

Lweji

I’m not saying they didn’t manage. Obviously that is why we employ tactics. The issue, I would assume, was with how their parents responded. Because they can help it in almost all cases.