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Original poster

How to motivate a v chatty boy in class to stop chatting?

203 replies

Thelowquietsea · 03/06/2019 18:38

DS, 8, Y3 is a wonderful soul but just very chatty. He is always talking, always asking questions - which is great, of course, but not when he's in class.

This year he has a fabulous teacher. I think she is just great. However, she and I have had loads of chats about DS who she says is just very chatty at the wrong time. WHilst he's not alone, he's a regular. He's academic v strong, in the top few in the class - she says that whilst he can pick things up after listening half an ear - he's talking to others who need to really listen. So it's really disruptive from that POV as well.

She's done everything - carrot/stick/moving him, talking to him - I feel we've done everything - reward/talk about respect regularly/incentives/punishment/ on and on and on from term 1.

Nothing changes. Or if it does, it's for a short time.

I don't know what to do! It's so annoying. Before anyone wades in with does he have SEN - No, he doesn't at all. He just seems to lack self-control. Or he doesn't WANT it enough or to please me enough!

Aagh. I know he'll grow up and hopefully improve, but any thoughts or tips on how to change this around would be welcome.

OP posts:
Lweji · 03/06/2019 19:52

My own nephew once said to me that I needed to threaten him with something really bad (in his opinion) so that his brain would take notice.
He also learned early on that I carry out my threats.

Not sure the first helps you.

Original poster
Thelowquietsea · 03/06/2019 19:52

@Prestia - fabulous idea! Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Thelowquietsea · 03/06/2019 19:54

@Lweji - I'm sure DS is like this.

@cake7pn - 'at that age it didn't even cross my mind that other students might need to concentrate more.'...I think this is so true of DS...

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 03/06/2019 19:57

Initiates do not need to be school wide. Students are individuals and should be taught as such as much as possible . He won't be rewarded with anything but validation for asking interesting questions or having interesting insights. He's chatting because he's bored and not being challenged- and that's down to the school. No teacher is going to completely stop a chatty child, but they can put things in place to ensure they're occupied. And not punished for being bright and finding the work too easy!

Do they have a gifted and talented programme? His teacher has acknowledged he's finding the work too easy so he doesn't have to concentrate. It's up to the school to challenge him and help him learn to focus by ensuring he needs to be fully engaged to complete the work

herculepoirot2 · 03/06/2019 19:57

What punishments have you given him?

herculepoirot2 · 03/06/2019 19:58

No teacher is going to completely stop a chatty child, but they can put things in place to ensure they're occupied. And not punished for being bright and finding the work too easy!

The punishment is categorically not for being bright. Lots of children are clever and do not talk in class.

SmileEachDay · 03/06/2019 20:00

Something I’ve had success with (with a few year 7s, so a bit older, but I think could translate)

During “listening time” he has a book and a pencil, every time he wants to say something he puts a mark in the book - like a tally chart. Initially is rewarded with praise/stickers for lots of tally marks (ie lots of times he could have interrupted but didn’t). It enhances self awareness of the behaviour, which is what he needs. It’s been like magic for a few who sound like your DC.

Thingsdogetbetter · 03/06/2019 20:02

@smileeachday that's fab, I'm stealing that! 😀

CherryPavlova · 03/06/2019 20:04

My daughter was a bit like that. We set up a reward system with her primary teacher in year one. A lovely chart and stickers that she could choose when she’d sat quietly when to for x minutes. At end of the day a nearly full row of stickers resulted in a prize sticker to wear out and show us.
It was a young teacher and I think she managed to deal well with ‘proper naughtiness’ but the incessant commentary and questions was harder as it was just wanting to know answers. Why did the Magi decide to follow the star? If it was in the sky how did they know which way to go? Where did they sleep on the journey? What food did they eat? Very wearing but not actually naughty.

She had to learn to be quiet sometimes. The rewards helped. A reading book for when she’d finished but others hadn’t helped. Sitting with those who needed more help was good as she could explain to them and both benefitted. More challenging work helped.

Lackofsleepforyears · 03/06/2019 20:04

I am a teacher and a mother of a child who is always asking questions. As a teacher, I would give him a whiteboard and ask him to write all of his extra thoughts and questions on. I would then chat these through with him for a few minutes at the start of the next play or lunch time. He would then decide which was important and rub off any that were not. As a mother, if I am talking my daughter puts her hand on my hand. I then know she wants to speak to me and I will get to her as soon as I have finished my current conversation. I love enquiring minds and think they should be embraced. Today my 8 year old daughter and I have discussed the strongest animal, biggest muscle in the body and the most dangerous predator!

titchy · 03/06/2019 20:05

but calling any question pointless is against why I believe teaching is all about.

Of course there are pointless questions Hmm

Teacher: 'So the Ancient Egyptians built the pyramids.'
Child interrupts: 'Oi Brad, what you having for tea tonight?'

Pointless question.

herculepoirot2 · 03/06/2019 20:07

I would then chat these through with him for a few minutes at the start of the next play or lunch time.

These are the teacher’s breaks.

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 03/06/2019 20:08

In all honesty OP this was me at primary school, it's even in reports, 'Zippy is excelling academically, and whilst her chatter doesn't cause an issue for her, it is distracting for some of her classmates'. I was bored stiff, I could do the work easily, finish first and still have a chat with my friends throughout.

My parents and teachers tried all sorts, nothing changed until I went into a different class and had an amazing teacher, she would give me extra work, often quite challenging or thought provoking, she also said if I finished I could read my book and gave me books to read like Anne Frank's diary, the Hobbit etc which I found fascinating and she gave me work sheets to go with them, that I could do in class. It kept me quiet because I wanted to read them more than I wanted to natter and stretched me. 30 years later I still remember her name and face.

Iggly · 03/06/2019 20:10

He sounds bored. The chatty ones are usually bored.

He should be allowed to bring in his own reading book and be allowed to read quietly if he’s finished his task. He’ll have the chance to chat (about work) in group activities and the teacher should put him with a partner for when they work together so he can also talk then.

But if he’s attaining well then the teacher has to stretch him more to keep him quiet.

SmileEachDay · 03/06/2019 20:10

Re pointless questions:

I have a student in yr 10 (yes, year 10) who has the most amazing creative spirit. He also asks the most utterly pointless questions because they’ve popped into his head.
First insisted on a hand up.

Now I say “Is this relevant or a question?” - he is generally pretty aware of which it is, and knows I’ll happily talk at breaktime about exactly why so and so did such a think loosely but not entirely related to what we were learning. We often do!

Original poster
Thelowquietsea · 03/06/2019 20:11

@smileeachday - that is a great idea, thanks.

As I said, the chatting is not just curious questions to the teacher (although there are those). It's also chatting to other kids/responding to other chits talking to him, or extraneous questions to teacher, as well as good, curious but inappropriate questions to teacher at that time

A mixed bag

OP posts:
herculepoirot2 · 03/06/2019 20:12

Everyone is assuming that he’s finishing the work and then talking because he has nothing else to do. That isn’t my experience of bright and overly chatty children at all. Rather, they half-arse the work because they think it’s going to be easy, and miss out on a lot of the challenge contained within the main task. This is not necessarily a differentiation issue.

herculepoirot2 · 03/06/2019 20:13

Thelowquietsea

I’ve come across these children in secondary and you are absolutely doing the right thing, trying to get it upped in the bud now. It’s work avoidance. It’s disruptive.

ChristmasInJuly · 03/06/2019 20:14

Is he bored? As a former teacher I have a few ideas of what your DS’s teacher could do in class, but I appreciate you’re probably asking what you as the parent can do.
I think, if you’ve tried rewards, talking to him, etc and it hasn’t worked, there needs to be some sort of sanction imposed now. You’ve said yourself he knows he shouldn’t be talking - yet he chooses to continue because, really, wants going to happen? Not much. And he knows that. So what would make him sit up and realise you mean business? Removal of gaming device for a set amount of time? Telling a sports coach?

I had a boy in my class years ago who loved karate. His mum periodically asked how his behaviour was and the karate instructor apparently would refuse to teach any child who wasn’t behaving well that week. Not sure how that worked if you’d already paid for the class..? But the little boy was always a delight anyway, so the issue never came up!

Original poster
Thelowquietsea · 03/06/2019 20:14

@ZippyBungelandandGeorge - that's really interesting, thanks

I have wondered whether he would benefit from a private school. Much smaller classes etc etc

Also, I don't want him to think this is in any way appropriate, but neither do I want to crush his spirit. He has a great spirit. I AM NOT EXCUSING HIM. I COME DOWN FIRM. I'm just saying, there's a line. He's 8.

OP posts:
gingerpaleandproud · 03/06/2019 20:14

@Thelowquietsea have you posted about your son before? This sounds very familiar.
I don't agree with the posters saying that there is no such thing as a pointless question. The OP said that he talks to others who need to be able to listen, so he's causing disruption to other kids' learning.
His teacher needs to be super firm and super consistent, with consequences for interrupting every time it happens. I'd expect the teacher to have strategies they'd employ in this situation, and then they can discuss with the OP so there is some consistency through home and school. Good luck!

herculepoirot2 · 03/06/2019 20:15

A child with spirit will not be crushed by a punishment. That’s not what spirited people are like. Don’t worry. You’re more likely to do damage by letting him get away with it.

FinallyHere · 03/06/2019 20:22

They grow up, honestly

Well, I'm nearly sixty and have come to understand this only quite recently. [ blush]

To help me control the urge to ask questions as they occur to me, I keep a small notebook and write them in there. Then I can google when I get a moment and only ask the questions which don't get cleared up. I do surprise my self by how many I can work out for myself...

Oh and the pointless questions list if and only if they are pointless questions. Is the teacher maybe inadvertently finding the questions interesting ????

Hope you find what works ?

Have you asked him outright what it would take? As I child I was always surprised how seldom people who ask me for solutions like this. I usually had lots of ideas and little or no change to suggest them

Original poster
Thelowquietsea · 03/06/2019 20:24

@gingerpaleandproud - no, I haven't posted about him/this before. Is it familiar because it's common?! I don't think it's unusual, just very frustrating.

@herculepoirot2 - 'Everyone is assuming that he’s finishing the work and then talking because he has nothing else to do. That isn’t my experience of bright and overly chatty children at all. Rather, they half-arse the work because they think it’s going to be easy, and miss out on a lot of the challenge contained within the main task.'

This is very, very likely and true and one of my biggest fears - that he's going to mess up his own abilities/opportunities

OP posts:
Original poster
Thelowquietsea · 03/06/2019 20:26

@herculepoirot2

Punishments - we've stopped him having tablet/game time (he only has a bit at the weekend, as we are quite controlled about it) but we have stopped that in the past. If he comes out from school saying he's been talking etc, we have, in the past not allowed him TV that night.

I don't know what else to do on a daily basis.

OP posts: