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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH not telling me he's planning to leave DC at home alone

181 replies

NoTheyAreNotTeenagers · 03/06/2019 14:23

I started an evening course which DH suggested and is 100% behind. The DC used to have a sports club, so I dropped them off, went to my course and DH picked them up. They've stopped that sports club for the summer so I've been taking the 530pm bus on the understanding that DH will be home on the 546pm bus. DC are happy with this, I turn on the tv before I go and they sit and watch until DH is home.
They are allowed tv 5-6pm anyway and generally don't move until we call them for their food.

I just texted him to remind him I'm at my course this week and he replied saying he would most likely be late home and arriving at 620pm.

AIBU to be mightily pissed off with him not telling me in advance? I could have arranged something, but now there's no one I can ask at such sort notice. The next bus leaves after my course starts. He says he spoke to the DC about it last time and they are ok with being left alone until he's there. He thinks I'm babying them (I wouldn't leave them to get themselves alone to school when I had a hospital appointment, took them to a friend's house) and they will be fine. I'm on edge as I think they're too young, 7 and 9.

OP posts:
Elphabaisnotwicked · 03/06/2019 14:24

Yes sorry. I’m relaxed about these things but they are too young

AnonymousMugwumpery · 03/06/2019 14:25

Yup, they are too young in my opinion and I would be pissed off.... To be honest, I wouldn’t be leaving them on their own at all though. If you are on the 5 30 bus, when do you leave? And if he is on the 5 46, what time is he home? And how often does the 5 46 actually run to time?

Ghanagirl · 03/06/2019 14:26

Definitely too young

candycane222 · 03/06/2019 14:26

Yes, too young. Actually I would not leave them for the gap either, given that buses aren't always reliable etc.

I have always tried to be a relaxed parent and think I am, compared to many, but i wouldn't have left 7&9 yr old alone, and definitely not for a whole hour.

Original poster
NoTheyAreNotTeenagers · 03/06/2019 14:26

Bus is always on time and bus stop is 2 minutes from the front door. I leave at 527.

OP posts:
candycane222 · 03/06/2019 14:27

And yes, I would be extremely pissed off.

StellarLunar · 03/06/2019 14:28

Does "most likely" mean if you say no that he'll be home on time?
I'd be seriously pissed off - the one thing you do for yourself and he's not able to get home on time meaning you either

  1. don't go
  2. go but don't enjoy yourself worrying about the kids
candycane222 · 03/06/2019 14:28

I would be tempted to take the kids to DH place of work on my way to my hobby, but I realise that's probably not very constructive....

mrsm43s · 03/06/2019 14:29

I think they are too young to be left alone.

However, i also think they are too young to be left alone between you catching the 5.30 bus and your DH arriving on the 5.46 bus. I don't personally think they should be left unattended at all at this age (particularly a 7 year old).

KnifeAngel · 03/06/2019 14:29

He needs to be home on time. If he can't be you can't leave them.

ImNotHappyaboutitPauline · 03/06/2019 14:30

In all honesty I wouldn't even be happy leaving them at that age for the "gap" period between you leaving and him getting home on the 5.45 bus. I'm fairly laidback but 7 and 9 is a bit young imo. I'd prefer to pay a babysitter for an hour.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/06/2019 14:31

He says he spoke to the DC about it last time and they are ok with being left alone until he's there He spoke to them last time so he has done it before and not told you and thinks 7 and 9 year olds can make good decisions. He's the bloody parent, he needs to grow up and actually parent them!

You need to be very angry with him.

KnifeAngel · 03/06/2019 14:31

I agree with the previous poster I don't think what you are doing normally is okay. They are too young to be left.

BackforGood · 03/06/2019 14:32

Yes, I think an hour is too long at that age, too.

Apolloanddaphne · 03/06/2019 14:34

I don't think you should be leaving them alone for 20 minutes or 40 minutes so in my eyes you are both in the wrong. If there was some sort of accident and your DH got stuck in traffic it could be hours before he was home. You need to make better arrangements.

candycane222 · 03/06/2019 14:35

Crazy that he thinks it's up to the kids Shock.

hardyloveit · 03/06/2019 14:35

7 is way too young even to be left for the 15 minute gap! I have a 7 year old and found out my dh nipped to the shops (gone max of ten mins) with the youngest. He left dd7 at home (house all locked up) and I was furious! It's too young! Anything could happen! Leaving them for an hour everyday is ridiculous!

KnifeAngel · 03/06/2019 14:38

Do you know any local teenagers who might sit with the children in the gap? It wouldn't cost much for an hour.

pentago · 03/06/2019 14:39

I think they are too young. The 7 year old is definitely too young for even the 20 minutes.

The bus can not always be on time, a crash could stop it from doing that!

From your op it sounds like your husband actually thinks it's ok for them to get ready and leave for school in the morning too. It's really not.

If he can't get home then I'd have to miss the course

WhenZogateSuperworm · 03/06/2019 14:40

I wouldn’t leave them for the 15 minutes- if DH bus was late then it could be longer. Or if it crashed and something happened to him they could end up being left for hours.

Original poster
NoTheyAreNotTeenagers · 03/06/2019 14:41

I would be tempted to take the kids to DH place of work on my way to my hobby, but I realise that's probably not very constructive....
he works an hour away so not very practical!!

He spoke to them last time so he has done it before
I think he means that he asked them last time if they would mind if he was home later next time and they were ok with it, not that he has done it before.

7 is way too young even to be left for the 15 minute gap!
seriously?? If I was hanging the washing out and chatting to a neighbour they would easily be alone that long without supervision and whilst not being stuck in front of the tv.

Leaving them for an hour everyday is ridiculous!
There's no mention of leaving them alone for an hour every day!

OP posts:
Original poster
NoTheyAreNotTeenagers · 03/06/2019 14:44

they could end up being left for hours.
I think if he really didn't come home then they would call me and I would get a taxi or someone from the course to drive me home. Same if he was delayed, I would expect him to call me and I'd go home.

Does "most likely" mean if you say no that he'll be home on time?
He has a course this afternoon, so I think he's basically saying if it finishes early, he'll be home on time, if it doesn't, he won't.

OP posts:
pentago · 03/06/2019 14:44

If you were hanging the washing out and chatting and a stranger knocked at the door you would be there. If a fire broke out you would be there. If one became suddenly ill, had a fit or something, you would be there.

How would a 7 year old cope with any of those things?

You are heading away from them on a bus!! With no guarantee that anyone will be back. They could be alone for hours.

The chances are they will be ok, but kids aren't something to take chances with imo

Isatis · 03/06/2019 14:44

It's ridiculous that he leaves a 9 and 7 year old to decide. Ask how he'd feel (and how he'd explain it!) if one of them had an accident and the other couldn't cope.

Allfednonedead · 03/06/2019 14:45

Wow. I thought I was over-relaxed, because I sometimes leave my 8yo watching tv while I nip across the road to pick up my DDs.

I would not be happy with your DP’s suggestion, and I would be a bit uneasy with your original plan, tbh. Maybe if your DP could text to confirm he’s caught the bus before you leave for yours, but it would still give me the heeby-jeebies. And now he’s made it clear he doesn’t think it’s a big deal, it’s going to be hard to rely on him, isn’t it?