DH not telling me he's planning to leave DC at home alone

[NoTheyAreNotTeenagers]

I started an evening course which DH suggested and is 100% behind. The DC used to have a sports club, so I dropped them off, went to my course and DH picked them up. They've stopped that sports club for the summer so I've been taking the 530pm bus on the understanding that DH will be home on the 546pm bus. DC are happy with this, I turn on the tv before I go and they sit and watch until DH is home.
They are allowed tv 5-6pm anyway and generally don't move until we call them for their food.

I just texted him to remind him I'm at my course this week and he replied saying he would most likely be late home and arriving at 620pm.

AIBU to be mightily pissed off with him not telling me in advance? I could have arranged something, but now there's no one I can ask at such sort notice. The next bus leaves after my course starts. He says he spoke to the DC about it last time and they are ok with being left alone until he's there. He thinks I'm babying them (I wouldn't leave them to get themselves alone to school when I had a hospital appointment, took them to a friend's house) and they will be fine. I'm on edge as I think they're too young, 7 and 9.

And this is six of one etc. You're as bad as him

But the issue is you have set a precedent for leaving them alone - wrongly so as most agree - so then it does get to a point whereby if 10 minutes of fine then why not 30? Why not an hour?

Really the risk is just as much in the first 20 minutes as it is any subsequent 20 minutes!

Any time on their own is crazy and neglectful 😡 at 7. Poor kids

I would be astonished and absolutely fucking furious that my DH had apparently decided to make the call on whether my children were old enough to leave unsupervised for a significant time. Had talked to them about it. Was going to do it.

And had not thought it necessary to even tell me about it, much less consult me.

That would be the absolute end of proper, don't-need-to-check trust. I would be gobsmacked at his thought processes.

7&9 is way, WAY too young. That's so obvious I am completely shocked there too. This is not a case of you nipping across the road. Even the intended plan I wouldn't be happy with, because once you're on that bus you can't reach them and they can't reach you - and if anything happened, up to and including your DH's bus being late, or anyone having any sort of accident, then you're fucked.

No way are they old enough to deal with any unexpected situation, and THAT is the call to make - not the technicality of them 'being alone'.

But you going at 5.27 and him back at 6.20 isn't 15 mins. Sorry. Too young.

I’d be ok with that, though mine are 6 and 4 now so I’m imagining them at 7 and 9. Depends on how sensible they are. And only if they were both very able to phone me, DH, granny and neighbour. I’d be more comfortable if the neighbour had a heads up too.

Kids are able for a lot more than people let them these days.

To those saying the washing isn't an issue. Would it be an issue if they were 5 and 3? Or 6 and 4?

I'd bet my last penny that leaving them alone to do the washing isn't a new thing either if it's so easy for OP to ride a bus away from them. I physically couldn't do it.

I think the 7 yo is too young to be left at all tbh, 9 is pushing it for me too.

As pp have said there's as much risk in the first 20 minutes as there is in the 40 afterwards.

Small children need adult supervision. If he won't get home on time, you can't leave. He needs to get back at an arranged time, or you need to find an alternative way of doing your course.

Well that's an assumption you're making pentago, there's nothing to suggest Op was doing this at 5 and 3 or 6 and 4!

7 and 9 are not small children, they are big children. I’d say under 6’s are small children.

Both of you have taken a rather lax approach to avoid paying for the necessary childcare to deal with this!

You has to adjust what you are doing until the kids are a little older.

Mine are the same age and I’d never do that.

There's as much risk in each 20mins so an hour is 3x the risk, more so as they are likely to get bored and mess about. I think op knows her kids and if they can use a phone and know to leave the building in a fire, not open the door and can run to a neighbour it's ok.
Her question is about her dh going back on an agreement and not telling her. He is out of order.

I forgot that this is mumsnet, where 9 and 7 yos ado their own laundry and cook a four course meal for the entire family.

7 and 9 are not small children, they are big children. I’d say under 6’s are small children

So you're a small child for less than half of your childhood then?

In other threads I've seen the vast majority of posters saying they'll leave their 8yo alone for 15-20 minutes, and an old ,7yo isn't so different. I've left my then 7 and 9yo for that long, though we do live in a street packed with helpful neighbours, which factors in. And they were closer to 8 and 10 than to 6 and 8, as it were. An hour, I wouldn't.

Of course they are much too young to be left op, you know this don’t you, and yet you are still defending your dh.

You thought we would all agree that the dc will be fine, but no one but the most negligent would leave dc of this age.

Your dh is insane for thinking this would ever be okay.

If your neighbours find out you will end up being reported. No course or hobby is worth risking your children op.

The washing issue in this case is that the OP has to leave the house to do it. It’s more like going to the corner shop than just going to the kitchen to load the machine. 7 is too young to be left home alone while your parents go out for 20 minutes.

9 is probably old enough if they are a sensible child, but they’re not old enough to mind a younger sibling.

No way is that a reasonable arrangement in the first place! I would leave sensible children in those circumstances for the 20 minutes when they were 10 and 12. Not before. 7 and 9 is really shocking.

Is there no neighbour you could ask? I would always help someone out in these circumstances. Being in flats does change the dynamic a bit, I left mine to do laundry too, it's more secure than a house (assuming it's got an entry system) and all my neighbours knew my kids as they were the only ones in the building

Tell him 7 and 9 year olds are not competent to make that decision and that his assessment is out of kilter with ‘what a reasonable parent would do’.

I think your previous arrangment has allowed this to become a grey area when it should be definitive. 10-15 minutes when you are close by is different to being a 20 minute bus drive away.

I think you are getting a skewed view on this thread op. Ok it's not ideal but seriously, leaving children for up to 20 mins only at ages 10 and 12?! My 11 yo happily stays along for up to two hours, has done for a year or so and that's pretty standard among her peers. I'd leave my 8yo for up to about 20 mins. In my experience these threads tend to get dramatically different responses according to time of day/wind direction/phase of the moon etc!

Agree with frogsoup. Most 11 year olds I know are left for 3 hours or more. Mine goes shopping in town independently.

OP’s children are 7 and 9.

I would not of even left mine at that age for the short time let alone longer.

Wanky selfish behaviour from him.
You won't be able to relax and do your hobby now and he knows it!