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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding cancelled but hen do still going ahead?

198 replies

Seren10 · 03/06/2019 12:40

Months ago I paid a deposit to go on a hen weekend away.

Since then the wedding has been cancelled.

Fast forward to this week and the hen group chat has a new message with a reminder that we need to pay the balance this week (we are talking hundreds of pounds).

Is it unreasonable for me to say I no longer wish to go given the circumstances?

OP posts:
Booboooo · 03/06/2019 12:42

Maybe the hen needs cheering up

Travis1 · 03/06/2019 12:42

No, not at all. What the hell? I can't imagine many people will still want to go.

AlphaBlocks · 03/06/2019 12:42

Hahaha! Wtf?! Depends, if you just lose your deposit - fine. If others have to cover you - not ok.

Didntwanttochangemyname · 03/06/2019 12:43

It depends really, if you want to lose your deposit and not go then don't go. If you want to go and support your friend (presumably the non-bride-to-be is a friend of yours?) on a trip away when she likely needs her friends around her then you should go.
Why would you need to post an AIBU about it?

palahvah · 03/06/2019 12:43

Depends. A friend postponed her wedding in the week before her hen do because her fiance had said he wasn't ready. We all went anyway to support her and instead of it being hen it was just a weekend of catching up and making a fuss of her. So we didn't go out but we had drinks and dancing in the cottage.

Magmatic80 · 03/06/2019 12:44

Just ask her? Maybe she needs cheering up with a trip away

ItWentInMyEye · 03/06/2019 12:45

My BIL's ex still went on her hen do after she cancelled their wedding Confused she then posted loads of photos of her posing with the 'reserved for +++++ Hen party' at each venueShock she even had the cheek to ask MIL if she still wanted to go. Massive bitch.

Pgqio · 03/06/2019 12:45

Are they now just treating it as a girls holiday? If you still all wanted to see each other then it's not a big deal, I think it would get weird if they were still dressing up and making out nothing had changed, i.e. The hen isn't actually getting married.

wednesday32 · 03/06/2019 12:46

We need a little more info. Was the hen do including non refundable activities? If so you are obliged to still pay for those whether you attend or not.If you have insurance you could see if you can claim the cost back. Are the rest of the group still intending on going? Make the most of the trip and enjoy it x

Moralitym1n1 · 03/06/2019 12:47

I like the hen's style.

(As long as she doesn't act like the previous poster's example of course).

Lazypuppy · 03/06/2019 12:47

What did you think was gonna happen? You won't get your deposit back, if they are you friends just go and enkoy the weekend away.

My partner has just vome back from a stag that was no longer a stag, they had a great time and it cheered his friend up.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 03/06/2019 12:48

I’d still go

TrendyNorthLondonTeen · 03/06/2019 12:48

Why waste a good party?

littlepeas · 03/06/2019 12:51

I would still go - your friend will benefit enormously from having her friends around her.

HK2009 · 03/06/2019 12:52

Yes, you're unreasonable. You would have been going and been happy to pay if the wedding was still going ahead. This way you get all the fun of a girls weekend without having to worry about buying an outfit, wedding present etc. Sounds like a big win to me!

ChicCroissant · 03/06/2019 12:53

YANBU, OP - mind you, I'm not a fan of hen dos anyway so I might not be the best judge. No, I don't think I'd be spending a lot of money on that weekend. I'm sure you can still see the 'hen' a different way. Is it a close friend?

Original poster
Seren10 · 03/06/2019 12:53

Happy for them to keep my deposit, I just don't want to fork out another few hundred pounds to go away with people I barely know on what would personally be my worst nightmare if I was the bride - I personally couldn't think of anything worse than going on what was supposed to be my hen do. Surely all of that emotion plus alcohol is a nightmare waiting to happen?

OP posts:
Cosmos45 · 03/06/2019 12:54

The problem is who will be liable to cover the balance of the trip if you back out? I am guessing this is booked with a hotel or some such other provider and the deposit secured the booking but now the balance is due. I would probably try to find out if that part is refundable due to the circumstances rather than just say you don't want to go and then not pay. If the balance is due with no recourse or refund then there needs to be a discussion on who is liable for that or whether it could be covered by insurance etc

Megan2018 · 03/06/2019 12:55

Why is the wedding cancelled?

I loathe hen do's so I'd need no excuse for a get out - they are grim!
I can't see why on earth the non bride would still want to do it - how weird?

I think more info is needed but YANBU to not go if you no longer want to.

Pootles34 · 03/06/2019 12:55

Well presumably the balance still needs paying - not really fair to leave someone in the lurch if so.

Having said that it depends a bit on relationship - if for example you only know her because she was marrying your brother, then maybe try to get out of it...

MadamMMA · 03/06/2019 12:55

Doesn't sound like you know them well?

arethereanyleftatall · 03/06/2019 12:57

I don't get why you would be going on a hen do with people you barely know.

PeoniesarePink · 03/06/2019 12:57

Depends on how much I knew and liked the Bride.

Original poster
Seren10 · 03/06/2019 12:58

We split the brides money between us all, so she didn't pay anything. I don't think she actually knows about the money/plans, it's the MOH that has organised it all.

I guess it would increase the price for everyone else which is the part I am feeling I am being a bit unreasonable about, hence my AIBU.

I'm definitely not going to go on the trip (my OH has a big event that weekend that I was previously missing when it was a hen do, but now it's just a weekend away I feel I should go to that), it's just whether I should pay the extra money or not.

OP posts:
JessieTalamasca · 03/06/2019 12:59

Depends.