Wedding cancelled but hen do still going ahead?

[Seren10]

Months ago I paid a deposit to go on a hen weekend away.

Since then the wedding has been cancelled.

Fast forward to this week and the hen group chat has a new message with a reminder that we need to pay the balance this week (we are talking hundreds of pounds).

Is it unreasonable for me to say I no longer wish to go given the circumstances?

relightmyfirepit has a very good point - you were all contributing to pay for the hen, but now she's not actually a hen, she can pay the OP's cost. If someone invites people to a girls' holiday, they expect to pay for themselves. It's no longer a hen do.

Wow this really is a tricky one.

It looks like everyone is in the same boat as you and if they all dropped out then they would all have to cover their costs anyway.
For this reason I’d probably have to say that you owe the money, regardless whether you go or not.

MOH quite rude to remove you though.

@Seren10 I’m not sure if I missed it, but just to clarify the circumstances.....

1. All cancel but will be liable to pay for full amount.

1. All cancel but will only lose deposit.

1. Some drop out but others will be liable to cover the drop out costs minus the deposits.

1. Some drop out, they will lose deposits but others who are going won’t be liable for the extra costs.

As I've been out on a 'I'm not getting married' party - she'd called her wedding off a few months before the wedding and we decided she needed to do something that day to stop herself thinking about what she would have been doing (although she did hijack a hen party and take a photo of herself with a veil on her head - that was many cocktails in though) - I may not be the right person to ask

Personally if I was close enough to spend that amount of money on a weekend away with the girl, I'd go on a girlie weekend with her anyway (exception being if I was only invited because I was the groom's sister - then Id back out)

OP I agree with you completely. It is no longer a 'hen do' so you are not obliged to go or pay for her to go! Yes she might need cheering up as other posters are saying but does someone get a free weekend away normally if they have split from their partner or whatever the circumstances are?
I wouldn't pay it. I'd rather be there for DH and his important arrangement. Dont feel bad by not paying. Just explain it was alot of money to pay out anyway and now that the wedding is not going ahead you have no need to spend money which you would struggle to find on just a girls weekend away. The end.

I think you abu expecting to be able to swerve any more costs if it’s non refundable and everyone else has paid in full . MOH is making the best out of an unfortunate situation .
I’m sure the Mob has more pressing concerns than sorting u out. Maybe it’s best ur not going on the girls weekend . But stump up .

.

This is why Hen nights used to be a night in the pub/club which anybody could withdraw from at any time and which didn't cost silly money to attend and a nightmare for the MOH to arrange.

(Though for a long time reading this thread I thought MOH was Mother Of Hen )

I wouldn't pay it and just count the deposit as a loss. The wedding is cancelled so you are not obliged. Go support your husband and don't worry about the hen do.

And what exactly is the purpose of a non wedding hen do - I've had a lucky escape party. Unless the cancelled wedding was due to a force majeure then shows how much the bride thought of the forthcoming wedding. UANBU

Think you should have raised this when the wedding was cancelled!

I would imagine some of the other hens going will feel a bit undecided about it too..
Basically do what you really want to do.
Just explain that you can’t go/changed your mind.
Whilst I feel sorry for the girl I hope she will understand. Everyone’s circumstances will be different and I’m sure they will not be wanting to spend a fortune on a hen do when the wedding isn’t happening x

Such a tricky one.

If I was the MOH I’d be pretty pissed off (not to mention panicked) if people decided to cry off leaving me to meet the full costs. She may be worried that if one backs out others may follow.

She also has a point. You all agreed to the trip, and the costs, and the non refundable nature of it. So I think you are morally obliged to pay up (but not necessarily attend since you have something you would rather do) if the alternative is that the remaining hens get stuck with the shortfall.

However, I think this is on the bride (or groom), basically whoever called off the wedding. And the fact that the MOB is prepared to cover the costs suggests she knows that.

If I was the MOH I’d be pretty pissed off (not to mention panicked) if people decided to cry off leaving me to meet the full costs

I agree!

Is the bride now involved in this conversation?

Don’t go if you don’t want to but legally you will very likely still be obliged to pay the balance. You need to check the terms and conditions to see his late a cancellation can be made.

YANBU.

I went on my cousin's hen weekend recently. We're not close, we grew up in different countries and she's quite a bit younger than me. I knew it would be awkward and it was, but I went out of obligation. I definitely wouldn't have gone on a "girly holiday" with her friends if I wasn't obliged to by the wedding.

I went on a hen do for a cancelled wedding a few years ago. The intention was to have a fun girls weekend anyway, but I have to admit it was hard to find the right tone for weekend and I don't think anyone, especially the bride not to be, had as good a time as we hoped. I would find out how the bride feels and be guided by that.

Just a thought - have you tried contacting the event company yourself to check cancellation policies? Just in case MOH wants event to go ahead and doesn’t want people to know they can cancel? Or perhaps she just can’t be bothered and has assumed it can’t be?

I wouldn't go and I wouldn't pay. The MOH sounds like a bitch too. If the bride wants to go ahead with it, then she should pay a share now it's no longer a hen night. So if your share is the only one outstanding, let her pay it.

The MOH sounds a bit odd in her reaction to me.

Could she have removed you from the group so you don't tell the others they can get refunds so that they don't cancel too?

I think I'd check with MOB how exactly refunds would be happening. If it's proper refunds from the holiday company I'd be making sure the others knew they could cancel and get their money back. If it's MOB paying out herself then I'd let her know what MOH is telling the others and let her make the decision if she wants to offer them refunds.

BIL still had his stag do after the wedding was cancelled. They rebranded it The Great Escape. Numbers dropped by loads, but it was cancelled far enough in advance that the people who dropped out only lost their deposits. The hardcore few who went were DH, cousins and friends since childhood, so they didn't mind paying extra for the minibus and so on. He doesn't express emotion very well, but really did need and appreciate their support.

Is it possible that by dropping one of the activities the MOH has managed to get the overall cost reduced and you're stressing unnecessarily?

Op shouldn’t pay any more money. No Wedding, no Hen do!
Presume only deposits for wedding services will be lost, so should be same with hen.
If bride has cancelled wedding she should be using the money saved from no wedding to reimburse those, not just hens, who have suffered financially over this!