Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding cancelled but hen do still going ahead?

198 replies

Seren10 · 03/06/2019 12:40

Months ago I paid a deposit to go on a hen weekend away.

Since then the wedding has been cancelled.

Fast forward to this week and the hen group chat has a new message with a reminder that we need to pay the balance this week (we are talking hundreds of pounds).

Is it unreasonable for me to say I no longer wish to go given the circumstances?

OP posts:
resisterpersister · 03/06/2019 14:49

She currently doesn't know any of the plans as if it was a normal hen do.

Does she even know there is still a hen do?

Maybe she doesn't want to go?

Also, if It's just a weekend away now, can't they give your space to someone else?

Serenity45 · 03/06/2019 14:54

I'd be tempted to message something like ' honestly assumed the trip would be cancelled given the circumstances, so I'm now busy I'm afraid'. You can explain a bit more about the previous engagement you would have a been a no show for to attend the hen weekend, but it's up to you how much information you want to give.

Plus in a group chat it may prompt other 'nervous' hens to speak up and explain that they won't be going either!

I don't think YABU at all not to go, especially if you don't know a lot of the attendees and a 'few hundred pounds' is a lot of money!

WhiteRedRose · 03/06/2019 14:57

You can change the group name to Hen Don't!" 😁

BarbaraofSevillle · 03/06/2019 14:59

If everyone pulls out now is the MOH going to be liable for the full amount? If so I feel very sorry for her if everyone takes the attitude that it isn't their problem. Why should it be hers either

^^ This. You could be dumping a bill of literally thousands on the poor woman. Between you all you need to get together and work out the best and fairest solution for everyone.

HolesinTheSoles · 03/06/2019 15:02

I think you need to tactfully bring up the fact that you had assumed it was cancelled and see what the cancellation policy is. If the MOH would be responsible for the full cost then obviously you'll have to pay her and let someone else go in your place or go yourself.

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/06/2019 15:06

YANBU
If you aren’t close to anyone and don’t wish to go, just reply to the MOH that you assumed the hen do was off as there is not wedding. Has she asked the former bride if she still wants to go? I think this is an important point to answer. At the end of the day as it’s not a hen do anymore she should pay her fair share. And that would be the money you owe. As a good will gesture you don’t expect her to refund your deposit.

peachgreen · 03/06/2019 15:13

Message MOH and say that you assumed it had been cancelled, given the wedding has, and have therefore made alternate arrangements that weekend and can no longer attend.

justasking111 · 03/06/2019 15:13

Friends had a big wedding planned in the caribbean, lots of holidays booked, they then called it off a few days before, flew home leaving a lot of people out of pocket. The cheeky pair then changed their minds again and secretly had a registry office wedding. That caused no end of resentment.

CurbsideProphet · 03/06/2019 15:17

The MOH expects you all to go away on a not-hen do, plus pay for the bride, even though the wedding is cancelled and there is no bride? Confused

fedup21 · 03/06/2019 15:18

I would want to know if there was cancellation insurance?

OneHanded · 03/06/2019 15:21

Insurance won’t cover this situation.

BarbaraofSevillle · 03/06/2019 15:21

Cancellation insurance wouldn't pay out because someone had changed their mind about getting married.

It's more for something like illness or injury, supplier failure, that sort of thing.

MorrisZapp · 03/06/2019 15:28

How on earth can you be close enough to someone to be in their wedding party and attending their holiday hen do, but not close enough to have any kind of conversation with her or any other hen?

This is just weird.

Jupiters · 03/06/2019 15:28

I think you need to find out if not going will mean the others pay more. If you can just forfeit your deposit without anyone else incurring extra costs great, but if not you should pay regardless of whether you go or not.
This! Having a hen do without an actual wedding is odd, but lumbering others to cover your share isn't right either.

SavingSpaces2019 · 03/06/2019 15:29

if it means that it’s going to cost the remaining members of the groups more, that’s not exactly fair either is it
They can always change their holiday to a more affordable one.
The only cost at this stage is presumably losing the deposit - for which everyone has paid upfront already.

Original poster
Seren10 · 03/06/2019 15:32

Ok so spoken to the MOH.

I asked if she has spoken to the organisers to see what would happen if we were to cancel. Explained about OH's event. Said that the bride had only just confirmed to me that the wedding was off and asked if the other hens knew.

She said she had been in talks with the organisers and if people drop out then payment in full still needs to be made. The activites will now need to be changed as I'm not going (not sure what this is in reference to).

To quote her "it's still a weekend away and not being rude or anything but this has been planned for a long time now. the wedding isn't going ahead so I think we should still be doing this for bride".

So I replied saying that I think everyone needed to be told and then they can make a decision for themselves, but that it would be up to the bride to tell them...

So she said everyone else has paid and that everyone going on the hen knows the situation and that no money can be reimbursed.

Meanwhile I have spoken to the bride's mother and she has said something completely different... that the hen is still going ahead, but anyone that no longer wants to come will be reimbursed.

I've now told MOH that I will sort it with the bride's mum - that didn't go down too well - she was pretty rude tbh.

OP posts:
NorthernRunner · 03/06/2019 15:33

savingspaces I may be wrong as I’m not the OP, but from why I understood of her posts, some of the other ladies have been chipping away at the cost more than the OP, who has only paid deposit...I think that’s what I read a few pages back anyway.

NorthernRunner · 03/06/2019 15:35

So MOH said no money can be reimbursed (fair enough) but what about the remainder? Will it mean they have to cover cost?

Original poster
Seren10 · 03/06/2019 15:37

@NorthernRunner

Yes she said payment in full still needs to be made. It's directly to a company (we each have an account open that we could pay off as we went along) so I can't see how the others will have to cover it.

OP posts:
NorthernRunner · 03/06/2019 15:42

If you definitely aren’t going you should speak directly to the company and ask them. They may not allow the others to travel or attend if there is an amount owed. The remainder of the party may be made to pay on arrival or as I say, not allowed to go at all if money on the account is outstanding... it totally depends on the company policy.

Noonooyou · 03/06/2019 15:45

I used one of these companies to book am activity on the hen, if one person does not pay then yes, someone else will have to fork out.

Original poster
Seren10 · 03/06/2019 15:47

She's removed me from the hen group chat Confused

I have told the MOB everything, so I guess she will deal with MOH and let me know if any monies owed etc.

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 03/06/2019 15:48

And this situation is just one of the reasons why I think going abroad and committing to spend hundreds of pounds on a hen or stag do is madness. I've been to over 20 weddings in the last 10 years and not one stag or hen went abroad. Only one was a weekend away, two nights on the coast and they got rooms in a pub for £40 per person per night.

If it was just going out for a meal and drinks and a club as it used to be in the bride or groom's home town, then the loss if cancelled is minimal (possibly one night in a B&B or hotel for those who have travelled).

Drum2018 · 03/06/2019 15:49

You don't have to pay the full amount. The brides mother has now confirmed that you can even be reimbursed. So confirm to her that you're not going, just forfeit your deposit, remove yourself from the group chat and forget about it.

NailsNeedDoing · 03/06/2019 15:50

Now that the bride to be is no longer a bride to be, or a hen, she can pay the same amount as everyone's else was going to if she wants the weekend to go ahead.

You can't be expected to pay for a weekend away with strangers for no reason. I wouldn't pay, but expect to lose the deposit.

Were any of the grooms family going to be on the hen weekend?

Swipe left for the next trending thread