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Original poster

Wedding cancelled but hen do still going ahead?

198 replies

Seren10 · 03/06/2019 12:40

Months ago I paid a deposit to go on a hen weekend away.

Since then the wedding has been cancelled.

Fast forward to this week and the hen group chat has a new message with a reminder that we need to pay the balance this week (we are talking hundreds of pounds).

Is it unreasonable for me to say I no longer wish to go given the circumstances?

OP posts:
itswinetime · 03/06/2019 15:50

You have an account with the company why don't you speak to them? Sounds like the mother of the bride of is your family I'm guessing is a bit embarrassed and will probably just cover you herself.

Drum2018 · 03/06/2019 15:51

She's removed me from the hen group chat

Ah well she has saved you removing yourself. Do not pay a penny more, in fact don't even mention it again.

Crustaceans · 03/06/2019 15:52

I think that, if you decide to cancel your wedding, then you need to accept that people will no longer go on your hen do (and that might have financial implications).

Obviously, people shouldn’t get married if they’re not certain, but you’d lose loads in deposits etc for cancelling. I think, if I were the bride, I’d be expecting that the cost of reimbursing people who don’t want to go given it’s no longer a hen weekend would be part of the financial implications of calling it off. I’d just be grateful if any of my friends still wanted a weekend away with me (but minus the hen do type activities).

Oblomov19 · 03/06/2019 15:54

I'd still go. It's still a girls weekend. She's still your friend? Why would you NOT go?

BlondeBumshelll · 03/06/2019 15:56

I thing it's a bit weird that the hen do is going ahead but on the other hand think it's a lovely idea to have a girls weekend away to cheer the bride up. However, hen do's are something that a lot of people suck up for the sake of it as they know it's part of the whole wedding set up. But, a weekend away is something people shouldn't feel they have to do. So, on that note, I'd not feel guilty at all saying I wasn't going as it's now just a girls weekend which you have no obligation to as there is no wedding.

Original poster
Seren10 · 03/06/2019 15:58

I'd still go. It's still a girls weekend. She's still your friend? Why would you NOT go?

Both of your questions have already been explained throughout the thread Smile

OP posts:
Summersunshine2 · 03/06/2019 16:03

The big weekends away are a nightmare moneywise. I'm not sure I'd ever agree to go or organise one until I had everyone's money in full and then pay the organiser!

crosspelican · 03/06/2019 16:03

I think it's super weird that the MOH is a) going ahead as if nothing had happened (what does the no-longer-the-bride say about that?) and b) that she's giving you a completely different story from the mother. Is she related to the mother?

Well, you're out of it now. No need to hand over any money, and obv. you're not going any more, so probably everything has worked out just as well.

When was the event going to be? What were the planned activities that are so non-refundable?

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/06/2019 16:05

Ah well the MOH sounds like a bit of a cow. Good for MOB. She has behaved with dignity and respect. 👍

NorthernRunner · 03/06/2019 16:05

Feel sorry for MOB I get the feeling she will be covering costs herself!

loobyloo1234 · 03/06/2019 16:07

Where was the hen do supposed to be OP?

Removed you from the group that quickly? Count your blessings, she sounds like a nob Smile

Figgygal · 03/06/2019 16:09

But weird she's ploughing on regardless does bride even know?

As for removing you from group like that I suppose if you're not going you don't need to be on the group chat so can see her logic but does appear rude and aggressive

itswinetime · 03/06/2019 16:11

In fairness the maid of honour took on the nightmare job of planning a wedding and has ended up in the shit position that the wedding is cancelled after everyone has paid. If she can't get peoples money back what else is she meant to do apart from go ahead? I think she could have worded it better but she doesn't have a lot of options in fairness to her.

The Mother of the bride is related to the op and probably Has big things on her mind (like cancelling a whole wedding) than the ops money. I doubt she knows what the process is she has just assumed people will be able to not go. I would guess she will either come back and say the same as the MOH or she will just take the hit and cover the remaining balance.

PuppyMonkey · 03/06/2019 16:11

Agree, it looks like MOB is going to cover those who drop out. It’s all a bit weird, but if others think they’d like to go ahead it’s up to them really. Bet you anything loads more drop out beforehand though.

Bibijayne · 03/06/2019 16:12

I'd have assumed the hen was off if the wedding was off unless told otherwise in advance. Asking you to pay in such a circumstance is unreasonable. YANBU. The MOH really should have communicated better.

Somersetlady · 03/06/2019 16:13

You are totally within your rights not to go.

Invitation is “to celebrate the fact I am getting married will you join me on my hen weekend?”

Once the bride pulls out of the wedding as far as I am concerned the bride is liable for covering the costs of everyone she’s let down.

Summersunshine2 · 03/06/2019 16:18

I too think MOB will be covering the cost of anyone not going.

fedup21 · 03/06/2019 16:19

Was the MoB find with you not wanting to go? What about the bride?

itswinetime · 03/06/2019 16:26

I'm not saying everyone is wrong but the op has said everyone else has paid the full balance if the company refuse to refund or cancel her place who do you think is liable for the money? Because the company are still willing to provide the holiday and there isn't a good reason ie sickness ect to cancel.

I can see the argument for not paying but It's not the MOHs fault she didn't plan this thinking the wedding would be cancelled. It's not the other hens fault I wouldn't want to pay extra. It's a shit situation it's probably the bride that should pay but I wouldn't fancy being the person to ask her as she goes through the process of cancelling her wedding, for unknown reasons for all we know the groom has been shagging about and she's been trying to decide if she can forgive him or not.

Pinkvoid · 03/06/2019 16:30

No, I wouldn’t pay the rest and I wouldn’t go. I’d only go if it was a very close friend who needed cheering up.

Dyrne · 03/06/2019 16:37

Have you checked the T&C of the website OP? If you each have a separate “account” it may be that the company will pursue you directly for non-payment?

NorthernRunner · 03/06/2019 16:38

Itswinetime that’s the point I was trying (and failing) to make up thread.
The MOH shouldn’t have been rude, but if everyone else in the group has paid, and it’s only the OP’s balance due and she is the only one not wanting to go, who exactly do you think should pay?
The company isn’t going to care about the why this is no longer a ‘hen do’ they just want the total amount to be paid. This is why OP I suggested you sort this directly with the company, not MOB.

It’s totally fair enough if you don’t want to go, but if MOB ends up covering your costs, that’s a bit shitty of you.

I appreciate things have changed last minute and it’s totally out of your control, but it is also out of MOB, and MOH control. They shouldn’t be liable. It should be you, who agreed to this, or the bride, but no one will want to bring it up with her.

Bluntness100 · 03/06/2019 16:43

Who does the mother think is going to reimburse you? And as such whose money will you be taking for that reimbursement?

If it's the Bride or her mother would you take the money? It's clearly not going to be the holiday company.

Relightmyfirepit · 03/06/2019 16:47

Surely the ex bride can just pay your share now as she was getting a freebie before .
That’s good she’s removed you. Job done

SunshineCake · 03/06/2019 17:01

Given the bride isn't being very forthcoming I'd send the message a previous poster suggested. You assumed it was now off, have taken up another invitation and leave it there.

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