If your husband had a month long affair with colleague, would you want to know?

[onceacheat]

If your husband of just 3 years had an affair with a colleague for a month, which he initiated would you want to know if that affair had now ended?

It should be noted that the couple in question also have a 7 month old baby.

The affair involved lots of daily messaging, sexting and pictures, meeting a few times for kissing and touching and two times for sex.

The affair ended when the other woman stopped it because she had feelings for the husband but some more sexting happened after this, initiated by her. The husband then had an accident and was off work for a few weeks and decided himself that the affair should end.

If you were the wife would you want to know?

I don’t think I would want to know.

And a disappearing act from the OP 🙄. If you’re still reading OP you can take the consensus as a No, given you’re the OW

Personally I'd still rather find out from the OW (no matter what her intentions are) than not know at all...

If you are the OW OP, you've caused enough trouble as it is. Back off and leave this man and his family alone.

Why are you asking about whether the wife would feel that she wanted to know? If you cared about the wife's feelings you wouldn't have had the affair in the first place.

If it was a case of ow or not knowing, I personally would choose the ow telling me. I wouldn't want to be wasting more time.
As it happens I found out myself. I just needed to know and move on without him.

You are obviously the other woman OP.

It does certainly make a difference. Although I think the wife needs to know and if you (the OW) telling her is the only way she'll find out then you need to tell her. Maybe not face to face though. Send an email. Let her call you if she wants to.

If you cared about the wife why embark on an affair with her husband in the first place?

But it wasn't a month long affair.

It was probably months of flirtatiousness, then the H engineering meet ups, then secret texts or emails....

Then it was a month of lying, and secret sex while his wife was ( possibly) mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted from getting to grips with being a mum.

So, it's not like he accidentally ate her piece of cheesecake in a moment of weakness- it was probably premeditated at a time when he should have been a partner.

Yeech.

I agree if you're the OW you should back off and let them get on with their lives.

And I would totally want to know. And if you are the OW, then as painful as it would be, I'd rather it comes from you. As long as you're prepared for full disclosure, as in text evidence etc.

If you're going to do it, then save her the further injustice of him lying and dragging the whole thing out further.

Yes. I used to think no but now I'd rather know what I'm dealing with in my marriage. Plus I'd need him to move jobs

The fact that you even know it was one month long really makes it looks as if you have some sort of special insight...

If OP is the other woman I think it is wrong to say “she has caused enough trouble”, it takes 2 and he is just as much to blame.

Should you tell the woman that her husband was cheating? I don’t think you should.

So you're the OW? Yes go tell her, it's the least you can do really.

Part of me wouldn't want to know... i can ALMOST "understand" how a man could be flattered and give in to temptation.. then realise what he risks losing when actually spending time with his wife and baby. I think that if it was a month of madness and husband deeply regretted it then i wouldn't want to know.

However.. i would NEVER want to find out from the ow. I would be livid!

Fwiw i think the husband has behaved despicably however unless you know the full ins and outs of a relationship then i think it is up to the husband to tell his wife or live with his conscience. Whilst i do think that some people are serial cheats i do think others can just have a moment of madness.

If I were the wife, I would want to know.

However, assuming you’re the OW looking for an excuse to tell the wife, you should know this: you’re a low-life, vile excuse for a human being and telling her isn’t going to make you feel better about yourself. Nothing will. You did it, now you have to live with yourself.

I would want to know. I would rather know when my child was young so they never knew anything other than us being separated.

However, if you are the OW then you are either doing it out of spite or jealousy. Tell him you think his wife needs to know, but don't do it yourself or anonymously. Then don't interfere any further.

Yes I'd want to know but sure as hell if it was the OW telling me, she'd be fearing for her own safety.

Yes. This was me 10 years ago if I’d been slapped around the face with the information like a wet kipper I wouldn’t have wasted an additional 5 years on the tosser. Wife is still young and she’ll meet someone else

No the affair is over he might have learnt his lesson if he hasn’t he will do it again and she will find out anyway

Yes. It has nothing to do with the affair ending really. The point is, he's a liar, and a good liar. I'd want to know that fact about the person I was having children with and pooling my finances with. Secondly, he's prepared to be unfaithful to me. At its most basic level, that's awful, and for me a dealbreaker, but even for the kind of person who could forgive a short affair, the point is that any sane person would want to know that -he's on the lookout and open to starting other relationships, he's potentially putting my sexual health at risk, and bottom line, he doesn't have my back. This affair has ended, maybe the next one will be the one he leaves me for and stitches me up financially in the process.

Yup. All information I'd really prefer to know.

Yes, I would. That would be the end of the relationship for me.

Yes but I think you are the ow and doing it out of spite rather than care for the woman