If your husband had a month long affair with colleague, would you want to know?

[onceacheat]

If your husband of just 3 years had an affair with a colleague for a month, which he initiated would you want to know if that affair had now ended?

It should be noted that the couple in question also have a 7 month old baby.

The affair involved lots of daily messaging, sexting and pictures, meeting a few times for kissing and touching and two times for sex.

The affair ended when the other woman stopped it because she had feelings for the husband but some more sexting happened after this, initiated by her. The husband then had an accident and was off work for a few weeks and decided himself that the affair should end.

If you were the wife would you want to know?

Would you be telling to get him in the shit for ending it and not choosing you, or you're the husband and want to tell her so that you've wiped your slate clean. Either way it's a shitty thing to do and both vile reasons for telling anyone.

What difference does the 1 month timeframe have on the matter. That suggests you're trying to excuse it on the basis of it being a defined 4 weeks.

And why are you coy about disclosing your part in this situation?

How could you have an affair with a man who has a 7 month old baby.

I hope you get your karma in life

Everyone SAYS they want to know - but that really, really does not pan out in reality.

The messenger either gets shot, or completely frozen out.

This is why people are asking what, exactly, your role is in this, OP....

Yes I would want to know!

Are you a friend of the OW OP? I know most of us think you are the OW... given the detail you know... and if you aren’t the OW or husband... then I can only guess that you are close to the OW... or a friend of the husband maybe?

No I wouldn’t. Not with a 7 month old baby. If you are the OW I certainly think you have no entitlement to tell, in fact I think it’s an obvious case of sour grapes on your part to get back at the husband. The wife is just an easy way to do that. If you didn’t care about the wife before and during the affair you can’t claim the higher moral ground and pretend to do so now.

In some cases as well... the OW coming forth with the info is not believed and slated by the husband and called a crazy stalker

So, even if he did the right thing in the end, you would still want to know?

What is the "right thing" at the end of all this? Ending the affair? Moving away so he never crosses paths with the OW? Lying to his DW forever?

There's no right thing other than someone in a marriage not fucking another person. There's no right way to end it, no honourable way to behave. Once you've made the choice to fuck another person you're a scumbag and deserve every bit of unhappiness for shitting on your marriage.

Honestly? If my husband had had an affair that he deeply regretted, and he genuinely was never going to do it again? Um... probably not, no.

I have a small child, we have a life together. I wouldn’t want the OW getting in touch with me for spiteful reasons of her own.

Of course I'd want to know so I could divorce him

Everyone is saying they would want to know but the reality can be different. I had a very close friend whose husband was having an affair with a colleague . Friend had always said she would want to know if her h was cheating. I spoke to him and he refused to end the affair so I told friend . She never spoke to me again.

@ArcheryAnnie

Believe it or not.... my marriage counsellor said something similar to me when we went after my exHs affair... She said that both side of marriage were to blame for his affair. I was bloody livid!!

I would want to know but it depends on your role in the situation as to how you tell his wife. For example, she will act very differently with it coming from her best friend than if you are the OW.

Regardless, I would want to be told.

FFS dateluv. Are you serious?

I think I’d want to know but realistically, it would blow my whole world apart. For the sake of a month long ‘affair’ that’s now ended, I think I’d rather not know. I also have a 7 month old and it would be completely devastating.

If you are the OW, then of course it would make a difference because the only reason the discarded OW would be informing the wife ( in this situation) would be out of petty spite! It’s quite different from being a close or caring friend/ relative who doesn’t want to see her/his friend being hurt. Even then, a situation like this has to be considered greatly as it will have a huge impact on the couple’s relationship.

It’s not a one suit fits all scenario

Any fucker who has an affair with someone who is married with a 7 month old is VILE

Everyone SAYS they want to know - but that really, really does not pan out in reality. Long term, for women who can walk away, it does. It is on;y for those who can't make the break that it doesn't work, surely?

The messenger either gets shot, or completely frozen out.So? Having been the messenger that got shot I couldn't have not told my friend that her OH was sleeping with other women. That would have been utterly selfish of me. I told her knowing she wouldn't be able to speak to me again. In the end it took about 10 years for her to be able to approach me again. We are friends now, I never held it against her that she froze me out. And she is far happier now than she was with him!

^ As is the husband , btw

I think you should leave it.
Relationships are private and usually an affair is not enough to end it. There is zero point in inflicting pain and at a subconscious level she already knows.

His betrayal and selfishness is without question and this doesn’t excuse him.

No one gets away with things like this.

But it’s none of your business.

Yes
. I would like to give him an ass kicking( or maybe damage his beloved car)

@Oldbutstillgotit

Very true... I’m sorry you lost your friend over this. I had a friend not tell me until after I already knew as she was scared I’d hate her for telling me about it.

@onceacheat you're either a troll or the OW.