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Original poster

If your husband had a month long affair with colleague, would you want to know?

397 replies

onceacheat · 29/05/2019 08:12

If your husband of just 3 years had an affair with a colleague for a month, which he initiated would you want to know if that affair had now ended?

It should be noted that the couple in question also have a 7 month old baby.

The affair involved lots of daily messaging, sexting and pictures, meeting a few times for kissing and touching and two times for sex.

The affair ended when the other woman stopped it because she had feelings for the husband but some more sexting happened after this, initiated by her. The husband then had an accident and was off work for a few weeks and decided himself that the affair should end.

If you were the wife would you want to know?

OP posts:
ballsdeep · 29/05/2019 21:35

And I wouldn't be surprised if other people in work know about it. People think they are so clever covering up affairs when in fact it's plain for all to see. Let's just hope it doesn't negatively impact you or your work life. That poor poor woman. I feel terribly sorry for her. U are both horrible, spiteful and horrendous people.

emotionalaffair · 29/05/2019 21:47

@popc0rn I had an almost physical pain in my chest due to DH's EA. I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone.

ChillaxingInMyKimono · 29/05/2019 21:49

You will look back on this with adult understanding one day.

I do, and the idiot I had a brief fling with wasn't married, nor had a baby/children. I am still regretful of it, because it's not who I thought I was.

I think you're misguided if you think he will transfer or relocate. If it's impossible for you - presumably footloose and fancy-free - why would it be an option for him?

You need to find a way to move on and be colleagues / professional.

Learn the lesson. I did.

DreamsOfDownUnder · 29/05/2019 22:23

Did you think he was going to leave his wife and baby for you?

I've had an affair with a married man, albeit no feelings were involved. I felt rotten so ditched it, would never do it again, but I have never, ever thought about telling his wife... I wouldn't gain anything from it... why would she want to know from stranger, she never needs to know unless the whole world knows.

boobirdblue · 29/05/2019 22:38

I wouldn't want to know tbh. I've been cheated on 3 times before (by different boyfriends), and the last time it happened the pain I felt was awful. It felt like a physical pain. I don't want to feel like that ever again. Couldn't imagine if it happened when I had a 7 month baby.

Oh god @Popc0rn for sone reason that post made me feel so sad for you, I'm sorry x

Frankola · 29/05/2019 22:39

If you are the OW I have some advice for you.

You think that by telling the wife she will kick out the bloke and he will come running to you and you can play happy families.

This seriously won't happen.

What will happen is that he will see you for who you really are - a nasty, selfish woman that has tried to destroy the life of an innocent women and 7 month old baby for your own "happiness".

And he will immediately sack you off for good to try and repair his marriage.

Leighlo · 29/05/2019 22:49

Always told my husband I wouldn’t want to know from him, that’s because I’d have to act on it and when you have kids together it’s so much more than a relationship break up, it’s a family break up. If my best friend were to tell me she’d still be my best friend but if the other woman rocked up at my door to tell me I’d punch her in the face until she left because if she was worried about me she wouldn’t have fucked him to start with.

Theghosttrain · 29/05/2019 22:53

I strongly disagree kimono. I wish the people who knew had told me what XH was up to. It would have saved me living a lie. I would have been grateful for someone being brave enough to tell me the truth, and I found it very difficult to be around people who had known all along but didn't have the courage to say anything.

MorrisZapp · 29/05/2019 22:54

Frankola are you seriously taking the side of the father of a new baby who has cheated on his wife? This thread just gets worse and worse.

YouBumder · 29/05/2019 22:57

You’re a nasty piece of work, you have a cheek even kidding yourself on you’d be doing it because his wife deserves to know what her husband has been up to.

Leave the woman alone. Your motives aren’t decent.

bananasandwicheseveryday · 29/05/2019 22:59

Would I want to know? Yes, absolutely. Would I want to find out from the morally bankrupt woman who was only too willing to drop her knickers and open her legs for him, whilst knowing all the time that I was at home with a very young baby and who thinks that telling me will be some sort of revenge? No, definitely not.
I know the OW hasn't made any vows to the wife, but I do believe we all have a responsibility to be decent human beings. Apart from those situations where the ow is also the victim of deception, as far as I am concerned, an ow who knowingly has an affair with a married man, is not acting decently.

EAIOU · 29/05/2019 23:04

I'd absolutely want to know. It's cruel to carry that around.

Saladforsantorini · 29/05/2019 23:08

This exact scenario happened to my dad and stepmom, stepmom ended up finding WhatsApp messages and calling OW from her phone to confront her. All very messy but seems to have been brushed under the carpet now as dad is still at home with her. Don’t think stepmom is too keen on the OW. Refers to her as geriatric barbie lol

cake778 · 29/05/2019 23:12

OP, do you have children? If you have - how on earth could you even consider telling the wife? You are clearly doing it for selfish reasons.

If you haven't had children, think about some therapy before you do. What you've done will hit you incredibly hard after 7 months of little sleep. I've seen it happen before.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 29/05/2019 23:39

I was a raging loon after a few months of sleep deprivation. It would have been a brave woman who told me any bad news.

MindfulBear · 29/05/2019 23:58

If you are the OW. F off and leave them both alone. Haven't you done enough damage already? It's certainly not your place to go telling tales to the wife because you are pissed off or suddenly feeling guilty.

If you are anyone else but her best friend - stay out of it.

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 29/05/2019 23:59

Absolute arseholes the pair of you. Don't really know what to say other then that.

DoctorDread · 30/05/2019 00:01

There's only one way that being told this kind of info by the OW is if she GENUINELY didn't know he was married and has only just found out herself and so felt that her confession to the dw came from a place of honesty, Then I'd consider it almost understandable but I still think the last person who should deliver this info is the OW. Especially if all she's trying to do is punish the arse hole who slept around behind her back.

HiJenny35 · 30/05/2019 00:15

You're going to tell here that's clearly obvious. You don't care about her or her child or if she would actually 'want' to know. You want to get back at him for not wanting to be with you. Reality check you were an easy bit of affection when his wife wasn't giving him any as she was pregnant. Now that's past he doesn't want you. Not nice of him and it's ok that you feel hurt but you knew exactly what you were doing and you don't deserve any sympathy. Do what you want, you did when you started the affair, but don't expect him to come running back to you. And as for work, because if you make this next move everyone at work will definitely find out, I'd think badly of you both for the affair but I'd think you were a disgrace if you went to the wife and baby to get your own back so I wouldn't expect anyone at work to support you. You made this bed, get over it.

Lalliella · 30/05/2019 00:29

You knowingly had an affair with a married man who had a new baby, did you ever really think that this situation would end well? You’re a fool if you did. They hardly ever leave their wives, they just like to have their cake and eat it. And now you want to ruin his wife’s life and rip apart the family of an innocent baby just out of some sort of warped revenge on him? You really are a piece of work, shame on you. Don’t act like you’re doing the wife a favour, you really aren’t. You’d be acting out of your own interest not hers. You made your bed, now take the consequences.

No I would not want to know.

Femodene · 30/05/2019 00:33

Why bother telling him how you feel though? You’re a masturbatory aid to him, his entertainment. He has his own private life, family and marriage, entirely separate to this is him amusing himself by spouting shite to you. Dirty dicked males have a script they use on their mistresses, it’s cringey that women still fall for it in this day and age. His family have a right to know what filth he is, but they are none of your business, Get tested for diseases and raise your standards significantly.

Femodene · 30/05/2019 00:38

Also, imagine getting lustfully aroused at this specimen and your (plural) disgusting wee looks and texts 😄 imagine wanting to rut with this pathetic specimen who’s spraying his seed like a wild animal and believing the absolute shite coming out of his mouth! Imagine thinking such a shit dad and husband is attractive and worthy of attention. Holy shit. Get the GUM clinic on speed dial.

Halo84 · 30/05/2019 00:43

OP, you chose to screw a married man. You made a bad decision and now have to live with the consequences. How will hurting his wife help you in any way?

BTW, I can guarantee someone at your work knows about this. I always knew when colleagues were sleeping with each other. I didn’t gossip about it, but I never looked at them the same way again. In my mind, they were both dishonest and, therefore, untrustworthy. I was always professional but distant and guarded with them.

Halo84 · 30/05/2019 00:47

Should add to the above, in the context of adultery. I didn’t care if the parties were single, even hoped they’d be happy.

MoominMantra · 30/05/2019 02:49

I would definitely want to know.

He will cheat on his wife again with other women. If she knows before that happens then at least she has a choice.

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