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Original poster

If your husband had a month long affair with colleague, would you want to know?

397 replies

onceacheat · 29/05/2019 08:12

If your husband of just 3 years had an affair with a colleague for a month, which he initiated would you want to know if that affair had now ended?

It should be noted that the couple in question also have a 7 month old baby.

The affair involved lots of daily messaging, sexting and pictures, meeting a few times for kissing and touching and two times for sex.

The affair ended when the other woman stopped it because she had feelings for the husband but some more sexting happened after this, initiated by her. The husband then had an accident and was off work for a few weeks and decided himself that the affair should end.

If you were the wife would you want to know?

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 29/05/2019 10:16

Yes, I would want to know. I would also want the number of a good divorce lawyer....

chuttypicks · 29/05/2019 10:24

So you're the OW then @onceacheat ? Feeling a bit scorned are you? You should not tell the wife. Ultimately, you're as much in the wrong as the man is. You knew he had a wife and baby but did it anyway. What a despicable person you are.

Inliverpool1 · 29/05/2019 10:27

I wouldn’t care what your motivation was, although telling me rather than me finding out might save you a punch in the bob further down the line

Inliverpool1 · 29/05/2019 10:27

Gob... Bob is entirely innocent here

SleepingStandingUp · 29/05/2019 10:29

No the affair is over he might have learnt his lesson if he hasn’t he will do it again and she will find out anyway
I ne er understand this logic. If everyone who knows about an affair is told its not their place to tell, how IS the wife ever meant to know? Especially if its a work place affair so easier to hook up and put it down to traffic or OT, if the DH is very discrete, if thry have seperate accounts etc.
So 15 years down the line, two more kids and he finally slips up and finds out about one affair, what about the other 8? Or the years she's wasted on him?

FilledSoda · 29/05/2019 10:30

No

MoonstoneMagic · 29/05/2019 10:32

Yes of course

gottastopeatingchocolate · 29/05/2019 10:39

I really don't know if I would, in that situation.

It does feel like the OW would be telling just to break up the marriage.

emotionalaffair · 29/05/2019 10:40

I used to think I would want to know, but when it's a reality then it's different.

I found out about DH's EA after it had ended and I wish I didn't know about it.

RussianSpamBot · 29/05/2019 10:41

If I were the wife I would want to know. If I were the OW, I would act in my own interests and not tell if there were any risk in it for me.

Yabbers · 29/05/2019 10:41

I would want to know, but not if I was being told by the OW, or someone with a vendetta to carry out.

Aprillygirl · 29/05/2019 10:43

Yes I would want to know.
There you go OP another reply in your favour so you can feel justified that you are about to destroy some poor woman's and child's life. Feel better now? Angry

IncrediblySadToo · 29/05/2019 10:52

Gosh. It’s almost like someone’s looking for a Daily Mail Are Fuckers type article isn’t it?!

FangsTasticBeast · 29/05/2019 10:52

I’d want to know even if it was the ow who told me

Yes, she might be telling me out of spite but it doesn’t change the fact the husband is a cheating arsehole

MRex · 29/05/2019 10:53

If you are the OW, please tell him that he needs to inform his DW, give him say a month to do it. It would be better for her to hear it from him.

BlueCornishPixie · 29/05/2019 10:54

Whilst I would want to know, I don't want to know from the OW

It's so hypocritical, didn't care about the moral aspect when doing the shagging. Clearly doesn't give a shit about me. I'm sorry but you can't shag someone else's DH and then 'do the right thing'. It's having your cake and eating it, and is a purely selfish thing done to absorb themselves of guilt.

The only exception might be if they didn't know, and then told me.

I've never even been cheated on and this is making me angry! Grin

Cheeseandwin5 · 29/05/2019 10:55

Have to agree with TheOriginal. Who you are determines the reasoning and motivation behind your actions.
If you are the OW then you need to leave them alone to sort out their relationship. Any action from you would only be about revenge and humiliation and you would end up hurting the innocent party.
If you are he Hubby's friend, then I would not tell either, you should tell him how disappointed in his actions and if you have any clue it has started again you would take action (although not sure what that action would be)
If you are her friend- than you are really in a difficult position. I would side on telling her, but I dont know if this would be the best if the affair has ended and the hubby is trying to make amends. I would try to be as supportive friend as you can be at any rate.
If you are just a bystander- Mind your own business

cerseiswinegoblet · 29/05/2019 10:56

I would want to know as he will do it again. It could save years of misery. (Bitter experience).

3dogs2cats · 29/05/2019 11:01

I would not want to know

b0bb1n · 29/05/2019 11:08

I would want to know, then I'd tell the skanks they deserve each other.

An affair is just two dishonest, untrustworthy people who think nothing of betraying people they claim to love - I'd be looking forward to when one of them strays and breaks the other's heart in pieces like the trail of destruction they left behind them.

PlinkPlink · 29/05/2019 11:09

Dateluv

Just because you are a man, that doesn't mean you can speak for all men.

It means that's the kind of company you keep. You spend time around men who would 'tap that bit of new arse' and discuss 'loose women'.

God, you sound disgusting. Or, if you're going to protest and say it's not you, it's your friends, your friends are disgusting.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 29/05/2019 11:25

I am a man and we discuss these things!!!

That just suggest that you, a man who thinks all men cheat, are in a relationship with a woman who thinks all women are, let me see, loose, slappers etc.

Both are gross!

Bloodless · 29/05/2019 11:29

If I was the wife I would want to know as painful as it would be because he will do it again.

Having said that, and I’m not judging you, if you are the OW its probably coming from a place of spite. If you are the OW walk away from the situation ....you will look worse than you already do. If you are hoping that telling will allow you to be together don’t be fooled, your not the only one and he would do the same to you.

Thrupennybrit · 29/05/2019 11:41

God yes I'd want to know. If a husband cheats after such a short time and with a new baby then I think he will always be a cheat. While I'm still young, while the baby is so young and before more time and more DC then knowing sooner rather than later is preferable.

boobirdblue · 29/05/2019 11:45

I'd want to know, hearing it from the OW would be shit but I suppose I could say "well he had the sense to drop you, so you're not that important to him' plus a lot of other stuff.

The marriage would be over, but doubly over that he hadn't the good grace I tell me himself.

If you are the OW, then tell him he's got a week to tell, if you don't and tell her yourself you're vicious, vindictive and a vile person, it's not his wife's fault he shagged and dumped you so why hurt her?

If you're not the OW and your intentions are good, that's different.

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