If your husband had a month long affair with colleague, would you want to know?

[onceacheat]

If your husband of just 3 years had an affair with a colleague for a month, which he initiated would you want to know if that affair had now ended?

It should be noted that the couple in question also have a 7 month old baby.

The affair involved lots of daily messaging, sexting and pictures, meeting a few times for kissing and touching and two times for sex.

The affair ended when the other woman stopped it because she had feelings for the husband but some more sexting happened after this, initiated by her. The husband then had an accident and was off work for a few weeks and decided himself that the affair should end.

If you were the wife would you want to know?

Don’t WhatsApp him, OP. He won’t care and you’ll embarrass yourself. Just leave it and walk away.

But I really want to tell him how I feel, I don't want to be this gullible person who fell for him and was all nicey nice when he ended it! I even asked him how he was when he returned to work after his accident and made jokey conversation via WhatsApp.
I'm now angry and I want him to know I am no pushover.

I think you’re going to embarrass yourself big time! Try and find some dignity to walk away. It isn’t your role to blow up the story. This reads as sad and bitter

The thing is I can't just walk away.., I still have to see him everyday. I would walk away if I could. I don't think he should get away with all this scot free

Don’t tell his wife.
Don’t send him a WhatsApp to tell him how you feel. He won’t care and you’ll embarrass yourself.
Vent your feelings to a friend outside of work, sort your head out and move on.
Leave him and his wife be.
Have more respect for yourself and set higher standards- don’t go near a married man again.

Treat him like a work colleague with whom you are not close. Be professionally polite and cease all communication outside of work. Feeling like you've been had can be exceptionally hard to get over but trust me silence is best. He won't care about your enlightenment.

@Onceacheat - I recommend you read The State of Affairs by Esther Perel and maybe watch her Ted Talk. It might give you insight into the dynamics of affairs from all sides, including OW.

So it ended because he needed his wife to look after him. The cheating scum bag will probably have another once on his feet. I'm guessing it was you he had it with. Yes she should know so she can leave his sorry arse and if it was you keep your grubby paws too yourself. Even if he started it if you knew he was married and had a new baby show some respect and have some dignity.

I think I just finally need to give him a piece of my mind... up till now I have just been friendly
At least take some responsibility OP. You were complicit in this affair, you enjoyed sneeking aboutibg, sexting, the secret kissing and the sex, knowing you were the other woman.
I don't understand why you are acting like a victim here, he dumped you, he is a prick.
What did you expect after sexting and 2 fucks with a married man.

I also suggest looking for a job where you won't have to see him.

You sound nuts.

I don't think he should get away with all this scot free
If that's how you feel tell the wife, it is not up to you to set the punishment by communicating your feelings, before you know it you'll be back in the affair.
Cut ties.
I haven't called any names, I think you are acting out of control, like your his wife.

OP. The OW on here gets very little sympathy (not here to argue the rights/wrongs of this).

Options

1. Tell his wife : dream you will destroy him he gets what he deserves or comes running back to you reality you will never know, the fall out will most likely happen without your involvement it will forever be an illusion to you.

2. speak your mind : dream he will think agin about crossing you, have more respect for you see you in a different light. Reality he will see you as a psychotic bunny boiler madly in love with him and out of control because he rejected you, you will feed his ego massively.

Both these options will leave you feeling worthless and shit.

The hardest thing to do is hold you head up and fake it, Smile be professional avoid private scenarios keep your dignity. Reality That will drive him mad because he can't have you, his poor DW will most likely find out who he is sooner or later, you don't need to be involved in any way.

Dust yourself off and be glad you got this lesson without getting pregnant/making huge life choices for this shitty shitty 'man' I use that term loosely.

Good luck OP, this is not a nice life lesson for either woman involved. I hope you find your happiness (it can't be done from someone's else's life)

Sorry, I posted that on wrong thread. Reported myself!

Oh do stop with all the 'woe is me'. You're a grown woman who had an affair with a married man, surely you didn't think you'd go running off into the sunset?! His wife does deserve to know but for her not for you to feel better.

Thank you @WeakAsIAm your words are kind and really hit home. I will hold my head up high at work and not do anything else I think.

He's not going to relocate. He's had his fun and now has left you high and dry. You weren't gullible. You knew exactly what you were doing. You are both as bad each other

Have a heart and leave the wife alone. She has a young baby to concentrate on. Don’t spoil this precious time for her.

You are not some defenceless little thing. You are a grown ass woman. You knew exactly what you were doing. You thought he was going to leave his wife for you, didn’t you? Why would he do that when your were ready to drop your knickers for him knowing he was going back to his wife each night? Gosh, some people are stupid. Put on your big girl knickers and get on with your life. You got what you deserved. I hope he does too. Let the wife find out for herself if she does. For now, let her be.

Jesus Christ OP. You knowingly had an affair with a man whose wife had just had a baby?! Honestly, you deserve to feel shit about this. Awkwardness at work vs your brand new family being ripped apart by two selfish arseholes? Doesn’t really compare; you were quite happy to inflict misery on his wife and their baby.

And of course I know that the husband here is by far the worse character and is at greater fault. That should go without saying. But that doesn’t mean the OP hasn’t also behaved absolutely reprehensibly.

If him relocating would affect his wife and child negatively in any way (which you can’t possibly know if it would) then you requesting it is just sticking the knife in further. You’ve both done enough damage.

That poor woman and that poor baby

Home wreckers are not cute op

No! Why ruin a marriage over a mistake?

Why should he have to relocate or switch jobs just because it's negatively affecting you?

You're both grown adults who decided to have sex knowing he was married. You knew there was a chance this wouldn't end the way you'd like it to. He's moved on, you should too. It's not up to you to dictate that he has to go away so you can heal.

I wouldn't want to know tbh. I've been cheated on 3 times before (by different boyfriends), and the last time it happened the pain I felt was awful. It felt like a physical pain. I don't want to feel like that ever again. Couldn't imagine if it happened when I had a 7 month baby.

By telling her you will cause her unknown pain which she's done nothing to deserve, she's done nothing to you.