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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cousin copying everything i do..

253 replies

Getyaownstyle · 27/05/2019 22:58

I’ll start by saying that I know many would say imitation is the greatest form of flattery but it’s driving me insane.

I come from a close family and live about 20 mins from my cousin and her family. Cousin in question is in her early thirties (there’s only 18 months between us). We’re not teenagers.

I had my first baby last year. She’s nearly 1. Cousin had her first (a girl 3 months ago). Every single bit of baby paraphernalia is identical to mine - pram, changing bag, nursery decor and furniture, clothes, muslins, bouncer, you name it.

We’re all going on holiday as a family next week. I went round to hers to visit and she showed me her baby’s bits and pieces - and her baby’s suitcase is near on identical to my dd’s, pretty much every outfit.

I know it sounds petty but it’s wearing me down. She babysat my daughter at our house a while ago so must have had a snoop then.

OP posts:
tickingthebox · 28/05/2019 10:17

OP, I agree it's weird. I think its odd that everyone thinks its normal Confused

Like going to a wedding in a Next dress, fine there may be others wearing it. Going to a local boutique, picking something unique, then finding someone else wearing it, who just happend to pop round to your house and see the dress.....odd

winedayfriday · 28/05/2019 10:20

You have had it a bit tight here OP, but always to be expected in AIBU...

It would annoy me too but don't let it ruin your relationship, especially if it would stop the cousins being close and growing up together. Try to see it as a compliment - imitation is the most sincere form of flattery!!

Once her DD is old enough, she will develop her own style and it will stop. Unfortunately my 2 year old DS has developed this early and wants to pick his own clothes and shoes in the morning, great fun! Shock

winedayfriday · 28/05/2019 10:22

i’ll start by saying that I know many would say imitation is the greatest form of flattery but it’s driving me insane

Haha, jsut read this comment - my wise wisdom about imitation and flattery came too late!!

Huntlybyelection · 28/05/2019 10:23

getya the solution is simple.

  1. Next time you see the baby dressed in an outfit like your daughter has, say "ooh! I have that for my baby!" And repeat. Maybe suggest they will look like they are wearing a uniform/match/are clones
  1. Don't buy entire wardrobes of clothes in advance. Mostly to avoid the copying.
  1. Talk to your cousin. Perhaps start off with how funny it is you both have such similar taste in clothes and styling. Ask her what she likes to wear/dress daughter in, just so you know because you don't want her thinking you are copying her.

Perhaps this will start a conversation - she might like matching you! Maybe she admires you or maybe she just likes the comfort of being the same. If you don't, just tell her you don't like matching.

Approach with kindness.

But this really isn't something that needs to be a big issue. Its not a big deal, but it can feel like it.

Jaxhog · 28/05/2019 10:23

This must be pretty irritating Op. But remembert that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. She must think your style and taste is wonderful. Unless you're worried that other people will think you copied her?

Eliza9919 · 28/05/2019 10:23

Unless her mother is upset by the comments, you need to stay in your place, you do not get to decide for her daughter what is a shame and what isn't. Unlike you, she probably isn't so arrogant that she takes offence if your children have similar things.

Why is it only an issue if the cousin is upset by people commenting? Why is it not enough that OP is upset?

The cousin needs to have a word with herself imo, it's not normal to copy everything that someone else has. I'd be pissed off at this too. And I'd ask her outright why she was copying everything I had. I'd also start stitching her up with some utter vile crap too.

Reenascreena · 28/05/2019 10:23

I think its odd that everyone thinks its normal

People just think that 'styling' your baby, and congratulating yourself on your unique 'creativity' and taste, is weird and vapid.

PrtScn · 28/05/2019 10:23

If it was my cousin I ‘d have taken the piss out of her each and every time she copied me. Stop quietly stewing to yourself and call her out on it.

Jaxhog · 28/05/2019 10:24

Have a quiet word with her and say you find it just a bit creepy, but you'd be happy to recommend something just for her DC.

AliceRR · 28/05/2019 10:30

This would probably annoy me too OP but maybe she is doing it so they can be dressed like twins or something as they’re cousins, kind of like sisters

Slightly different thing but we’ve just moved house and it is a nice area, all my family really like it around here. My cousin suddenly started looking at houses around here as there is one for sale on this street. She can buy a house wherever she wants obviously but DH and I put a lot of time and effort into finding the right house and location for us and so it annoyed me when she said she was thinking of moving here.

She didn’t say it to me, she said it to DH, so I haven’t said anything but I can’t really say anything anyway.

thecatsthecats · 28/05/2019 10:32

This is just so contrary to my experience it's baffling.

I tried on my friend's glasses (with her permission!) and they suited me. Later I was trying on new styles and asked for a pic of hers to copy, and she sent it straight away. This weekend I got a haircut, and she told me she saved the pic as inspiration for her next hair cut.

We are very, very different people, and a few similar accessories aren't going to change that. The same applies to babies.

Or perhaps my ego is just as centered on my personality rather than my looks or what I wear as it appears to be for the people who can't bear for people to 'copy' them.

Karigan195 · 28/05/2019 10:36

More likely she’s just shopping in the same places and has similar taste.

fedup21 · 28/05/2019 10:40

My cousin suddenly started looking at houses around here as there is one for sale on this street. She can buy a house wherever she wants obviously but DH and I put a lot of time and effort into finding the right house and location for us and so it annoyed me when she said she was thinking of moving here.

See, I don’t see a problem with that. You like the area, presumably so do countless other people-your cousin included.

NCforthis2019 · 28/05/2019 10:46

HAHA- OP - i had that cot. Its not as rare as you think- i work for a scandi company and that cot is basically a staple among new parents especially ones england-based, mianly because they are and english company who are scandi-inspired.

Anyway - your issue. I think its annoying yes, but really, who is it hurting? Your child might be as 'individual' as you like to think - but so is every single child. I do think you are coming across as a bit precious in this thread - you buy from individual designers - they dont only make one piece of clothing you know - your copying someone else's 'style'. I buy limited pieces for my children too - its just clothes. Are you someone who has a stylists background? There's one thing about matching tights to a dress - its a whole different ball-game to go out of your way to create mood-boards of differents fabrics/key seasonal pieces for a 1 year old. She's your child - not an accessory.

If it really bothers you that much - and if you are as close as you say you are, why not have a word with her abotu how you feel?

MirriVan · 28/05/2019 10:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thecatsthecats · 28/05/2019 10:54

Still, if your behaviour is mildly suss, that makes your cousin's doubly so.

Not sure about that! Maybe the cousin thinks - "ah, I'd like her to have nice stuff but who can be arsed with planning all that? I'll just get stuff like my cousin..."

Stiffasaboard · 28/05/2019 10:54

How do you creatively style a baby?

And if your DD grows up to love only
worn blue dungarees and a lurid yellow
polo shirt (not looking at myself here) will you be devastated and feel your early creative efforts were wasted?

So much pressure on your DD as she grows up if this is how you are when she is tiny.

Allhailthesun · 28/05/2019 10:55

I think it’s annoying and odd too Op.

Everyone will have borrowed/copied from someone else at some point. thecatsthecats has done it with the blessing of the other person.
That is in no way the same as finding someone is copying everything you buy. The cousin may well have similar tastes as do my friends and me. But I find we make extra efforts to not all look or decorate our houses in the same way.It’s not normal behaviour however “petty” people keep saying it is.

Most people acknowledge copying is annoying; so checking that you won’t be wearing the same dress at the same event for example.Definitely needs calling out.

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 28/05/2019 11:04

If you google Scandinavia cots that one comes up on the first page.
The scandi theme is very popular in certain circles so there might be a small element of copying together with both of you liking the same Scandinavia theme.
Going on your choice of cot I would guess that you also dress your dd in Scandinavia clothes which to me are all very similar. Lots of bold prints, stripes in organic materials. So unless she has bought the exact same dress in the exact same print for every arcticle of clothing I would think you just have very similar taste.

Either way I wouldn’t give it too much head space as within a couple of years these babies will be young children wanting the latest Disney duvet and t shirt.

SandAndSea · 28/05/2019 11:11

I'm also astounded at what I've just read. I have no clue why so many posters would want to be so unkind. It's really unnecessary.

OP, I think irl, most of us would find this weird and/or annoying. Have you tried talking to her about it? Maybe you could say something to her like, "I can't help noticing that you seem to buy a lot of the same things I've already bought." Maybe see what she says?

I've been noticing recently that friends wearing the same or almost the same outfits seems to be a bit of a trend atm. Maybe copying you makes her feel closer to you?

thecatsthecats · 28/05/2019 11:40

OP, I think irl, most of us would find this weird and/or annoying.

On the contrary, I am enlightened as to the fact that some people apparently do care. Because in real life, I don't know anoyone who frets about 'copying'.

Neither attitude is right or wrong, even though those who are comfortable with it have the advantage, since they're the ones who don't care...

SandAndSea · 28/05/2019 12:33

@thecatsthecats - Have you ever had it though, Cats? I mean to a significant degree, like the OP describes. Have you ever walked into someone's home and seen it decorated like yours, with their child wearing all the same clothes? That's pretty extreme, no? Remember we're not talking about the odd thing here. It's lots of things over a significant period of time.

Don't we all want to be able to express ourselves sometimes, without having to factor in other people?

I've had a similar experience and I'm quite sure I would find this frustrating and suffocating and frankly, weird.

ReturnofSaturn · 28/05/2019 12:39

I see that you and the cousin are pretty much the same age?

I then think it really is just a case of you having similar styles etc.

She might have copied big items like your cot for example after seeing it and thinking it's a good cot but I think that's normal tbh. I know i looked at cots myself that were recommended by other people.

Sindragosan · 28/05/2019 13:05

The only way to stop this is to start buying second hand which won't be available in the shops anymore and won't be able to be copied. When asked where you got it from 'don't remember' and hope she stops after a while and you can go back to normal.

I can see how its annoying for a much waited for baby, and there isn't anything wrong with wanting to enjoy dressing and buying for a baby. With my second didn't have the time/inclination but it was fun with the first.

fairweathercyclist · 28/05/2019 13:06

You have to admire the cousins ability to get herself pregnant the minute the OP announced her pregnancy, and then make sure she had a child of the same sex as well. Kudos to the cousin

Yep - and with a 3 month old having the time and energy to go round all the independent boutiques getting identical non-High st clothes for her baby. Personally I think she deserves congratulations, not opprobrium.

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