Cousin copying everything i do..

[Getyaownstyle]

I’ll start by saying that I know many would say imitation is the greatest form of flattery but it’s driving me insane.

I come from a close family and live about 20 mins from my cousin and her family. Cousin in question is in her early thirties (there’s only 18 months between us). We’re not teenagers.

I had my first baby last year. She’s nearly 1. Cousin had her first (a girl 3 months ago). Every single bit of baby paraphernalia is identical to mine - pram, changing bag, nursery decor and furniture, clothes, muslins, bouncer, you name it.

We’re all going on holiday as a family next week. I went round to hers to visit and she showed me her baby’s bits and pieces - and her baby’s suitcase is near on identical to my dd’s, pretty much every outfit.

I know it sounds petty but it’s wearing me down. She babysat my daughter at our house a while ago so must have had a snoop then.

I was going to say it was all in your head but after seeing your updates I think there may be something in it. I know someone who did this to everyone she knew but especially her cousin. Her cousin went to uni to study x, she went to study x. Her cousin developed an interest in Brian, she dated Brian. Her cousin moved to a different continent (probably to get away from her), she loved to the exact same city as her cousin about a mile away, less even so pretty much the same part of town). This was all within the context of an avusive childhood and a range of strange behaviour.

See, I don’t see a problem with that. You like the area, presumably so do countless other people-your cousin included.

Yes but she didn’t express any interest in it before we moved here. She in late thirties and has been talking about buying a house for years but has not done so, so far. i am not aware that she’s put any effort into looking for houses other than if she’s seen them in passing. This place is only ten mins up the road from where she and most of our family have been living for 20-30 years.

I realise I’m being precious and some people wouldn’t mind, same as with OP’s situation. She probably won’t buy one anyway 🙄

I looked at that Sebra cot but went with the Stokke because at the time (5 yrs ago) the Sebra was in lots of magazines, insta etc. It’s lovely.

OP YANBU - copying is annoying.

I think the only way to deal with it is to bring it up. Tbh I don’t know why you didn't when you saw the nursery? Next time you see something the same as yours say “oh, I see you’ve copied me again! I’ve noticed recently how you always buy the same thing for your DD as I buy for mine - why is that? Don’t you want them to be individuals?” And just see what she says!

She might say “oh I thought it was lovely they were always the same, like sisters!” In which case you can say you want them to be close but don’t like the copying and would appreciate it if she stopped. Or she might admit she struggles to choose things herself, in which case you can offer to pick things for her. Or she might deny it, which would be trickier to deal with but then at least she’ll know you’re annoyed and would hopefully stop!

Thing is if you’re into the Scandi style it’s quite common in certain circles & it’s quite samey. Wooden furniture, pale colours, bunting, grimms toys, ferm living, wee gallery, mini rodini, the wall art, etc.
I love that look too but it’s quite hard to make it look individual if that makes sense.

is your cousin into instagram?

I had a friend like this in secondary school. If I bought a piece of clothing, I’d see her in the same thing days later. If I started to like a band, she’d also love them. When I started smoking and drinking (cause that’s cool at 15) she joined in too even though none of our mutual friends did. She got piercings like I did, would dye her hair like mine etc etc. I got sick of it eventually and ditched her. This was when I was 15, it was annoying as fuck then. I think, looking back, she just saw me as some sort of role model (no idea why!) and wanted to be like me.

I can’t say I wouldn’t be annoyed by it now, if someone were copying absolutely everything I did. I do post pics on Instagram and have had people ‘copy’ certain things to do with my DC but I just think they’ve seen it and think it’s nice/a good idea rather than anything malicious. If someone was copying absolutely everything I did I’d be a bit creeped out though more than anything else.

I appreciate its tough because you’re related but perhaps draw back on contact for a while, it really seems to be getting to you. I also don’t think I could resist having a few digs at her...

Sorry but I’d hate this too.

If the cousin's baby is 9 months younger, I'm surprised you didn't do hand-me-downs. In fact, have you checked wherever you stored your DD's old clothes?

(Haven't RTFT, sorry if this has already been covered.)

My friend's baby had loads of DS's stuff, they still look very different because they're different babies. I like to see the photos of him, so I obviously wouldn't care about being copied.

That's weird of your cousin. One way to avoid this would be second-hand/hand me down things, hard for her to copy then

OP, I hear you. Don’t listen to the negativity here. On the dressing your child nicely point, I’m the same. It’s not to make my child look Instagram-beautiful or any such crap. I’m a thoughtful, creative person that chooses to dress them in comfortable fun clothes that are appropriate and beautiful too. Some people just don’t get it. Each to their own!

If it’s literally everything then it’s a bit wierd and slightly obsessive but there is a huge amount of overlap in stuff between me and my in-laws.

Bugaboo- check
Artfully placed Ikea picture rails as a bookshelf-check
Kallax unit -yup
Grimms rainbow- check

That same list seems to apply to 80% of the houses I visit. Clothes seem to be quite similar as well. For example, At least 70% of the wellies at nursery seem to be JoJo ones in varying colours.

I understand why you’re annoyed , it would annoy me too.
Don’t quite get the nastiness thrown at you here but shouldn’t be surprised.
I do think though that you need to let it go OR find a way that she can’t copy any more of it bugs you that much

YNBU. I would absolutely hate this!! I’d think about mentioning you don’t like it but I’m not sure the best way to bring it up with her. But unfortunately she may still continue to copy you.

Tbh I could see friends of mine buying the same equipment as their friends if they both had a baby close together - in a “at least I know this works/is good quality/good value for money” sort of way. I’m also not sure how you copy quite generic things like muslins.

You are assuming it's just the equipment, but maybe it's not.

Maybe it's the same wall colour, same rug, same upholstery on the same style nursery chair, same curtains or roman blinds, same wall decor, same cot sheets, same pattern/colour of blankets, same brand and colour of muslins, same pictures or other decor on the walls, same lamp/ lampshade. You can get soft furnishings and baby items in fairly unique prints from places like Etsy and other sites online that would take quite a lot of work to track down and order the same.

And the OP has also stated that the cousin's entire house is similarly copied from her.

This is an interesting thread.

Yes, I think the OP has had a hard time on here. I can see why having a cousin buy exactly the same would be annoying. Having said that, I don’t think that you should mention it. Partly because if the copying is as extreme as described, it comes from insecurity - mentioning it will make the cousin more insecure (and probably defensive). And partly because you may risk sounding like a loon.

In the past, I’ve been someone who sometimes copied what someone else bought. A friend was living in the US and had this terrific buggy. So I found an online place that imported them (not available in the UK at the time). It was the Uppababy Vista, which every other new parent seems to have now. It may be that your cot is going to catch on in the same way.

Realistically, at some point the children are going to have their own opinions on what they wear and own. Then this should stop. In the meantime, you may have to see her a bit less often.

The obvious answer to me is to just dress your daughter in the same outfit or very nearly the same, every time you see your cousin. This way your cousin only ever gets to see rompers-with-cardigan, and doesn't get to see the full range in her wardrobe.

You can't do much about the furniture and toys, but as the girls get older they'll develop their own taste in toys anyway.

Have some fun, think of something outrageous and tell her you are going to buy it or do it then wait and see if she gets there first.

Not rt whole ft, just enough to see OP getting handed her arse, which I think is unfair. It's creepy as fuck when another person copies every single thing you buy and do - it makes you feel watched and assessed and it's uncomfortable and annoying.
Totally disingenuous of posters to claim that the cousin just shares the same taste as the OP - there's no way on earth that buying the exact same outfits, pram, even suitcases can be a coincidence.
Since you like her, I think you ought to gently encourage her to develop her own tastes. Maybe it is a confidence issue if she is otherwise normal. But it's definitely annoying and uncomfortable that she does it.

I would say something along the lines "Oh wow, you got her identical outfits to my baby!".
I think if's poor choice on your cousin behalf. Having one or two identical items is fine, but copying the whole thing is just bizarre. And when her daughter grows up, Im pretty sure she won't want to look identical to your DD.

What I don't understand is if the girls are 18 months apart-why aren't you offering your cousin clothes etc that your dd has outgrown.

Why should she? No one owes their stuff to someone else. Maybe OP wants to keep it for her next baby, or sell it on eBay to recoup some of the costs.

What I don't understand is if the girls are 18 months apart-why aren't you offering your cousin clothes etc that your dd has outgrown

Why should she? No one owes their stuff to someone else. Maybe OP wants to keep it for her next baby, or sell it on eBay to recoup some of the costs

I had thought the same as the first post.

You can always make clear that you would like it back for any future children of your own if it's still in a decent state (thinking of the other thread on here a while ago where someone wanted their maternity/baby clothes back for their next child).

You can always make clear that you would like it back for any future children of your own if it's still in a decent state (thinking of the other thread on here a while ago where someone wanted their maternity/baby clothes back for their next child)

I remember that thread but don’t think OP updated in what happened with her friend 🤔