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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cousin copying everything i do..

253 replies

Getyaownstyle · 27/05/2019 22:58

I’ll start by saying that I know many would say imitation is the greatest form of flattery but it’s driving me insane.

I come from a close family and live about 20 mins from my cousin and her family. Cousin in question is in her early thirties (there’s only 18 months between us). We’re not teenagers.

I had my first baby last year. She’s nearly 1. Cousin had her first (a girl 3 months ago). Every single bit of baby paraphernalia is identical to mine - pram, changing bag, nursery decor and furniture, clothes, muslins, bouncer, you name it.

We’re all going on holiday as a family next week. I went round to hers to visit and she showed me her baby’s bits and pieces - and her baby’s suitcase is near on identical to my dd’s, pretty much every outfit.

I know it sounds petty but it’s wearing me down. She babysat my daughter at our house a while ago so must have had a snoop then.

OP posts:
Original poster
Getyaownstyle · 27/05/2019 23:41

It’s so easy for written text to be misinterpreted. Yes it IS a shame for her daughter in my opinion when everyone remarks on how she has exactly the same stuff as my daughter.

Perhaps I am being unreasonable, I appreciate the honest responses but it drives me up the wall.

Admittedly it took donkeys’ years for me to finally have my baby (tiny violin) so perhaps I’m a little precious.

But I adore my tiny little human and to me she IS an individual, as we all are. Some things suit her, others don’t. I just think she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen (don’t we all) and this incessant copying is damaging my relationship with a cousin I think very much of indeed.

OP posts:
chipsandgin · 27/05/2019 23:43

I do see that it would be annoying & would just lessen the opportunity to copy if you can.

However the phrase but I am quite creative with styling for her did make me lol (as someone who ‘styled’ her babies in white babygros with often stubborn and dubious stains and lived on a building site whilst mostly styling myself as a sleep free zombie covered in puke & shit & wearing ill fitting clothes with stringy hair and a boob hanging out). Be thankful you’re so lovely & together that you’re style is covetable. Trust me, nobody but you will either notice nor give a shit.

RestingButchFace · 27/05/2019 23:43

How did she know what outfits you had already packed for your dd? Did you show her or did she find out some other way.? I couldn't get worked up about this actually I would probably find it flattering that someone thought I had good enough taste to copy. You need to ask yourself why it bothers you so much, is it because you want your dd to look different to everyone to project some form of specialness or are you bothered that if someone compliments her choices you are not getting the praise?
Like I said to me it isn't a big deal but we are all different.

EatenByDinosaurs · 27/05/2019 23:44

Honestly OP, you'll look back and cringe at the PFB ridiculousness of it all, we've all been there. Just don't let it destroy your relationship with your cousin because of it.

HUZZAH212 · 27/05/2019 23:47

Who is everyone whose commenting? If you don't use SM how do these people even know?

ReturnofSaturn · 27/05/2019 23:47

Why don't you make her her clothes yourself if you want her to be unique?

To be honest, you probably think you're being 'creative' but in reality you've just bought stuff from shops that tons of other people buy too.

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 27/05/2019 23:48

This styling, does it involve giant bows on her head, knee high socks with ribbons or pompoms, Ted baker baby grows and you running around trying to stop her dirtying her outfits?

Whatsnewpussyhat · 27/05/2019 23:49

I can see why it's annoying. Have you asked her why she copied your nursery/pram/furniture etc? I would.

EatenByDinosaurs · 27/05/2019 23:49

Nobody is saying your daughter isn't an individual, of course she is, we all are, there's no "to me" about it.
This is only becoming an issue because you're letting it, your cousin's DD has plenty of time to find her own style later, just leave it be Smile

FuckMNDoubleStandards · 27/05/2019 23:50

Yea you're being beyond precious because your snarky attitude towards your cousin's daughter was disgusting, as I said before - she is her own individual just like your child. The fact you've created a competition in your own head is ridiculous. Some things may be the same, sure, but I can bet my life that you're quite pompous in your overall attitude that no matter what she did, even if it was slightly similar you'd assume it was because of you.

Unless her mother is upset by the comments, you need to stay in your place, you do not get to decide for her daughter what is a shame and what isn't. Unlike you, she probably isn't so arrogant that she takes offence if your children have similar things.

If such a thing can damage a relationship with a family member, I'd be ashamed of myself. You really need to address your attitude. Yes congratulations you made a human, but this attitude of yours is rotten.

fedup21 · 27/05/2019 23:50

I can’t imagine anyone else gives a shit tbh.

Original poster
Getyaownstyle · 27/05/2019 23:51

I left the case in the spare room, it could have been easy to stumble across but she would have gone into my spare room to do so. I’m less bothered about that.

I’m not a competitive person and I love her very much. I’m absolutely over the moon and grateful to be a mother and I get a lot of pleasure from buying her stuff. Superficial yes, but she’s a joy to me.

I just wish she’d get something off her own back for a change. And id rather not have to make a mental note of my belongings when I’m in her company in case I accidentally take her pram instead of mine for example!!!

OP posts:
WhiteDust · 27/05/2019 23:51

Admittedly it took donkeys’ years for me to finally have my baby (tiny violin) so perhaps I’m a little precious.

Ok, so maybe the same clothes/stuff thing feels like she is stealing your thunder.
You're loving having your little baby and enjoying the fun stuff - buying clothes etc. You put a lot of effort into it and your cousin just swoops in and pinches your ideas.

I get it.

The thing is OP, this kind of stuff just does not matter . Not one bit. Continue enjoying yourself and don't give it another thought.

People will think that you've got your head firmly up your own arse if you make an issue out of it.

FuckMNDoubleStandards · 27/05/2019 23:51

To be honest, you probably think you're being 'creative' but in reality you've just bought stuff from shops that tons of other people buy too.

Exactly. The arrogance of it all, my goodness. They're children! What's not unhealthy is the competition you've already created.

Heptapod · 27/05/2019 23:53

Grow up, OP. Why would anyone imagine a three month old baby is somehow lessened by the fact that she’s ‘styled’ Hmm similarly to her one year old baby cousin?

Both babies would be equally beautiful if ‘styled’ in supermarket babygros.

Leeds2 · 27/05/2019 23:53

Unpack the suitcase and replace it with other, equally as lovely, things.

After that, I would distance myself from your cousin.

QueenofPain · 27/05/2019 23:54

Are you sure you’re both not just buying the same generic “cool on IG” baby stuff? And you’ve somehow convinced yourself that you invented it and she must be copying?

Pannalash · 27/05/2019 23:54

Crikey ‘styling’ for a baby....well I never did Confused

FuckMNDoubleStandards · 27/05/2019 23:55

Where would we be without input like from Leeds2, I was wondering when the NC person would come. Here you go, OP. Time to cause family drama over this.

Only on MN.

WhiteDust · 27/05/2019 23:56

Another thing. Remember that babies aren't accessories. All this 'styling' crap and consumerism is vulgar. We all enjoy getting nice stuff for our DC but they are human beings, not dolls.

Original poster
Getyaownstyle · 27/05/2019 23:59

does it involve giant bows on her head, knee high socks with ribbons or pompoms, Ted baker baby grows and you running around trying to stop her dirtying her outfits?

Not at all! I mentioned earlier that I don’t dress her innthings I don’t think are comfortable on her.

I suppose I just find it a bit creepy. I’m not massively extrovert and don’t really like the idea that she is watching everything I do. I didnt see the point in mentioning it but she also does this with other things - my house, hairstyles, lots of things. I can let these things go but this is too much now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Getyaownstyle · 28/05/2019 00:01

FuckMNDoubleStandards Are you suggesting i am Leeds2?! 😂

I had considered doing that but didn’t so I was pleased when someone came along with a bit of sympathy for my pettiness

OP posts:
EatenByDinosaurs · 28/05/2019 00:08

No, creepy is that you think a person's individually is defined by what they wear. The fact that its babies in discussion is even weirder.

BUT, I have yet to meet a parent who doesn't have a story of their twattish or pretentious behaviour, usually surrounding their first child.
It's just important to recognise when you're behaving like a twat and keep it under your hat, not go having words or what not with the culprit, or getting steamed up about it.

A ranty thread on mumsnet you'll live down, telling your cousin she's denying her three month old individually and upsetting you - not so much! It brings to mind the "you're so vain" song Grin

Qweenbee · 28/05/2019 00:10

I don't see why you are getting a hard time op. It would be annoying. I wouldn't like it. Nobody knows whether you are copying her or not and it is weird when people are dressed the same/have the same things.

Have you actually asked her why she's copying you? I'd have to raise the subject and say that you don't like it, but you can do it sensitively and offer to go shopping with her to pick out different nice things.

FuckMNDoubleStandards · 28/05/2019 00:12

@Getyaownstyle Uh I can see why you might assume your cousin copies you, if you jumped to that conclusion regarding my post. Re-read what I stated.. it'll help Hmm NC - NO CONTACT.