Cousin copying everything i do..

[Getyaownstyle]

I’ll start by saying that I know many would say imitation is the greatest form of flattery but it’s driving me insane.

I come from a close family and live about 20 mins from my cousin and her family. Cousin in question is in her early thirties (there’s only 18 months between us). We’re not teenagers.

I had my first baby last year. She’s nearly 1. Cousin had her first (a girl 3 months ago). Every single bit of baby paraphernalia is identical to mine - pram, changing bag, nursery decor and furniture, clothes, muslins, bouncer, you name it.

We’re all going on holiday as a family next week. I went round to hers to visit and she showed me her baby’s bits and pieces - and her baby’s suitcase is near on identical to my dd’s, pretty much every outfit.

I know it sounds petty but it’s wearing me down. She babysat my daughter at our house a while ago so must have had a snoop then.

I didnt see the point in mentioning it but she also does this with other things - my house, hairstyles, lots of things.

I think that is a bit of a drip feed-I think if you’d said this to begin with rather than talking about styling your baby like a Girls World, you might have had different replies.

So, you think she’s been copying your hair, clothes and house for years? Have you ever said anything?

Can you describe what sort of things she’s done?

I have to say, most of my groups of friends have very similar lounges (neutral/greys), very similar haircuts (highlights, same length) and loads of us drive the same car (4WD)!

Having had a ‘copier’ in my family I can appreciate how irritating this must be for you OP.

I don’t see why you should have to return all your carefully chosen holiday clothes for your DD. You know your cousin is going to want to dress her baby in the same clothes as yours every day when you are away. Be blatant about it. Ask what she s planning to put the child in each day and dress your daughter in a different outfit. If needs be change her just before going out. If challenged by anyone in the family bit of eye rolling and say long story and you aren’t into the twinny look. They have probably noticed, bet she says you are copying her though.

You need to just ask your cousin straight out why she feels the need to copy everything that you’re doing with your child as you’re finding it slightly obsessive and wait for her response.

Maybe the previous subtle hints to her are either going over her head or are being consciously ignored.

Either way, she’ll know that you’re finding this behaviour odd.

I know exactly how this feels. My sister is a copier. It feels like she’s used my life as her little catalog, picking and choosing the bits she thinks are best. I went NC eventually.

Are you dressing her in clothes from similar websites ? how do you think she is doing this of you aren't telling her where you are getting them from how do you think she is finding out ? Are you using lots of scandi brands and you think she is searching them ? I can recognise maxomarra, duns, pop ECT on other people as they do have certain style do you think it's that ? i can also reconise frugi straight away she could for example Google scandi babygrows and going through all the websites but it seems extreme do you think she is going this far as that's very odd. How do you feel about asking her ?

You have to admire the cousins ability to get herself pregnant the minute the OP announced her pregnancy, and then make sure she had a child of the same sex as well. Kudos to the cousin!!

I had this happen as a teenager with one of my friends and I ended up despising her. It became so embarrassing for both of us constantly rocking up in the same outfit to places.

You have my sympathy. Personally I would have to talk to her about it. Do you think she’d become defensive if you said you’d noticed she’d opted for many clothes and designs the same as you’d chosen for your daughter. Could you say you’d be happy to help her with her own style/design ideas. Perhaps she really likes your taste and just wants to emulate it without individualising it.

If it bothers you that much get a load of new clothes to take away and don't let your cousin see them. Limit what you show her or give her access to in future. Or show her things online and say you've bought them but buy different things. It must be very annoying.

Makes me feel happy I stuck to supermarket brands and second hand for the most part. Luckily for me I think the baby years passed me by before I clocked that there was a whole range of "baby must haves" and that other people actually noticed your baby clothes and paraphernalia! I think I would have found it a bit depressing to think people may have looked down on my not so glamorous stuff. Fortunately I lived in oblivion (helped by my sleep deprived stupor). I don't think my kids suffered too much either

Talk to her! Tell her you’ve noticed how much she’s copying you. Ask her why. Tell her it’s annoying. See what she says.

I don't know why the OP is getting such a hard time!! The blatant copying would infuriate me, and it is weird!! You obviously enjoy choosing things for your DD and spend time doing so. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I think I would have to say something to her, or maybe take her shopping and help her find her own style? I know you shouldn't have to, but are you able to quietly exchange any of the holiday clothes? Your cousin has obviously had a serious snoop to see the labels etc. Make sure you tuck them well away!!

YANBU op and there have been some really bitchy comments on this thread.

I hope you have a lovely holiday

MakeItRain I was the same. Sleep deprived and most of my kids baby clothes were second hand and hand me downs. However I know a lot of these high end kids clothes have a fantastic second hand resale value, so buying new and then selling on isn’t that crazy.

In hindsight it might have been nice to have splurged a bit more and had some photos of my DC in beautiful clothes. But can’t live backwards, those days have passed now.

Oh OP.
My babies (no longer babies) had a VERY similar cot bought 15 years ago! It is absolutely beautiful but not at all unique.

OP does that cot extend? I've seen some like that. They are a great idea! But I'd be more inclined to buy one that I know someone else has and that they thing works rather than spend that amount of money and have no idea if it'll be any good.

It really is a bit petty, just get over it, it's hardly the end of the world!

It’s not about being unique, as in the only one in the country. It’s about the OP carefully handpicking a selection of baby clothes and goods that are slightly outside the norm, as in not readily available on the high street or your more popular online retailer. Bringing it all together to complete a nursery and wardrobe and then visiting a relative who had recently been alone in your house and finding they had very weirdly handpicked the exact same selection of clothes and goods.

Most people outside of MN who find that both creepy and irritating.

Nice cot OP. It's not a standard cot so I'm guessing you have a distinctive style. I think that's something you just have or you don't. So being devils advocate, perhaps your cousin doesn't have that ability but really admires yours so she copies. It is odd and weird, but it could be coming from a good place as it were. I have a naturally stylish friend. She looks amazing in clothes that I wouldn't even pick up because she has the eye for it, of which I lack. I could imagine modelling myself on her if I wanted to look stylish. I wouldn't because it would be weird, but I could see how some would.

Is there any chance this is also a money thing? That cot is fairly expensive so I presuming you are well off. Is there any chance your cousin is keeping up with the Jones's?

Ignore the witches couldron on here. There's been some ridiculously bitchy, juvenille comments.

So when you saw the nursery was identical to yours, what did you say? Surely you commented on how alike they both are and asked her about it? Tbh I could see friends of mine buying the same equipment as their friends if they both had a baby close together - in a “at least I know this works/is good quality/good value for money” sort of way. I’m also not sure how you copy quite generic things like muslins.

I think it’s not worth getting upset about, though you clearly are upset - your daughter will grow up to do her own thing and so will your cousins, at this age they don’t have their own individuality - at best they’re expressions of their parents individuality. If it really bothers you, don’t show her your stuff, comment when she turns up with similar or the same kit or just accept that she’s going to copy.

You do sound pompous - baby’s don’t need to be styled and I don’t know many under 2s who are dressed in anything other than clean, comfortable clothing. Given the stuff is going to get puked on, crawled through and generally worn I wouldn’t be massively upset at my child wearing the same thing as another child.

I find this really weird it would annoy me too. I would be worried how things will be as the children get older and she has to buy her daughter everything your daughter has. You buy your child something special for her birthday for example and two days later cousin will go out and buy it for her daughter too.

It is creepy behaviour from your cousin OP

There is nothing inherently wrong or unfeminist in getting pleasure in nicely dressing a a much longed for baby.

I think the language you have used - eg individuality, styling - hasn’t helped the responses you’ve got here.

The only realistic options that aren’t game playing are a) ignore it, b) speak to her to explain how you dislike it (don’t tie it to individuality for her daughter) or c) get another family member to speak to her to explain it is clearly noticeable.

It’s not about being unique, as in the only one in the country. It’s about the OP carefully handpicking a selection of baby clothes and goods that are slightly outside the norm, as in not readily available on the high street or your more popular online retailer. Bringing it all together to complete a nursery and wardrobe and then visiting a relative who had recently been alone in your house and finding they had very weirdly handpicked the exact same selection of clothes and goods

And what people are saying in response is that the various baby 'looks' that someone as self-consciously 'baby-styling' as the OP tends to go for are actually fairly limited and predictable, and as she and the copying cousin sound depressingly similar, it's not wildly unlikely that they simply have similar tastes for predictable Scandi baby bumf.

When I did NCT in well-heeled north London eight years ago, out of the eight sets of parents in the group, I probably saw the baby's room in four of their houses/flats, and they were very similarly 'quirky'. Which possibly enraged the four set of parents involved because they felt less than unique, but they certainly weren't consciously copying one another.

🤣🤣 i had a bed like that (juno) when I was born some 50 years ago, my dcs had a juno bed - I'm Scandinavian 😂 you clearly care about design and not being mainstream.

Seriously op, now we (some pps) have tried to be supportive. Why not reflect on those posts instead of just the negative ones.

Just the cot, fine. It’s nice that she trusts your purchasing choices. But EVERYTHING? From multiple brands and stores? No, that’s not ok.

@Cuppa12345 - how is having a holiday wardrobe weird? My son is currently in tracksuit bottoms but for holidays he has shorts and some nice shirts that he wouldn't wear on a day to day basis here.

OP, YANBU, your cousin is weird and that would annoy me too.

Change what you have packed?dont let her come around because your "redecorating"