Cousin copying everything i do..

[Getyaownstyle]

I’ll start by saying that I know many would say imitation is the greatest form of flattery but it’s driving me insane.

I come from a close family and live about 20 mins from my cousin and her family. Cousin in question is in her early thirties (there’s only 18 months between us). We’re not teenagers.

I had my first baby last year. She’s nearly 1. Cousin had her first (a girl 3 months ago). Every single bit of baby paraphernalia is identical to mine - pram, changing bag, nursery decor and furniture, clothes, muslins, bouncer, you name it.

We’re all going on holiday as a family next week. I went round to hers to visit and she showed me her baby’s bits and pieces - and her baby’s suitcase is near on identical to my dd’s, pretty much every outfit.

I know it sounds petty but it’s wearing me down. She babysat my daughter at our house a while ago so must have had a snoop then.

@IWannaSeeHowItEnds Because they are/were close (OP says they are close) and it's what friends do - help each other out. Why should she - because imo it is the nice thing to do.

Fedup21
My exact thoughts. Unless you're buying you child unique outfits, there is bound to be crossovers. Just mix up the accessories for your baby.

I made some dresses for dd. It's not hard when they're small and it meant no one had the same. Make one and see how cousin reacts maybe?

Can't believe the responses on here. Of COURSE it's weird what the cousin is doing!!!!

I wouldn't lend baby clothes that I wanted back - things get stained overvtime and trashed in the wash. Not everyone is careful with other people's belongings. It's like books for me - I wouldn't lend what I wasn't prepared to lose.

You can be a nice person and you can be close to a cousin or friend, without being obligated to share things you own and would to keep.

What I don't understand is if the girls are 18 months apart-why aren't you offering your cousin clothes etc that your dd has outgrown

Seriously? . OP, YANBU. I have no idea why people are insisting on being so damn awkward and condescending about this.

OP YANBU. I totally get it. This is envy.

Envy is destructive, it destroys the 'specialness' of the thing or person being envied. And she is envious, hence the copying.

If you are a confident, straightforward person the best thing to do is to talk to her - that would be the most adult thing to do. But this is difficult to do (as I know). There's something about being repeatedly copied that causes your brain to freeze and the right way to approach it to vanish over the hills.

Be careful, I ended up having a right now out with my favourite cousin over petty rivalries and now we don't speak.

I regret it hugely. Yes, she annoyed the pants off me but it wasn't worth it. Obviously, I was annoying the pants off her too and we both were dicks but I'm older and supposedly wiser so I shouldn't have got involved.

Value your family unless they are outright damaging you. And I say that as someone who has gone no contact with real bad influences.

• now out = blow out

You would be surprised how little care some people take of other people's clothes.

Why are you 'styling' your baby?? You and your cousin need to get a bloody life 🙄

I reckon the majority of dissenters a) haven't seen All About Eve, and b) are jealous that the OP can afford to buy nicer, non-high street clothes and toys. Just ignore them 😴 As for your cousin, I think her behaviour is unsettling and you should call her out on it #stalker

YANBU, your cousin shouldn’t be so obvious in copying you.

But perhaps the situation is that she admires your taste and what you have done, but she isn’t creative enough to put her own twist on it, so ends up outright copying you?

We have neighbours who we are very close with who have copied many of the things we have / have done, including cars for example. Not totally exactly, but close enough to see the inspiration definitely came from us. We don’t mind as it’s not exact, they are not competitive in the least, not are we, and they are very close friends who happen to share similar tastes. For example they bought a car which is the same make and colour but different body style, as they admired ours.

Where your cousin is getting it wrong is trying to copy your purchases exactly which probably all feels a bit Single White Female. I’m with you, that’s odd!

A bit of copying is sweet. Too much must feel quite unsettling. You ANBU

I think that I would love to have a cousin. Especially one that I could vacation with.

You've got a young family. Families grow older and die.

Why not talk to your cousin? Maybe she's insecure?

Invite her to shop with you. Point out things she would look better in? She admires you. I would like to have relatives who even liked me.

Maybe be less unhappy and more thoughtful to the reasons she's copying you instead of doing her own choosing.

YANBU, It's unsettling. It's is as if you've been robbed of something. Maybe talk to her or invite her to go shopping together so she can get stuff similar to yours but not exactly the same...

I don't think you're being unreasonable. It would annoy me and it feels a bit too stalkerish for my liking. I'd find myself not mentioning things or stopping buying things "just in case" …. which is not nice as you want to enjoy your baby. I also get the "individuality" bit too.

Have you actually said anything to her? You could mention that you'd noticed she seems to get the same things as you … the baby equipment, decorating the nursery the same, etc. and say that. whilst this is flattering, you also find it a bit weird and unsettling as it makes you feel that she is watching you all the time.

Lots of new Mums get given presents of clothes, pushchairs etc. They might not all have been her choice. Can't say it's a problem I've ever had, either because my DCs mostly wore second hand clothes.- I begrudge spending a fortune on tiny outfits that only get worn once or twice before they are too small. If you want something different and unique charity shops do a good line in stuff that sometimes still has the labels on.

I don't know what to say but I gave to be honest, this is nuts. It just doesn't matter. If this is the worst you have to worry about then tbh you're really lucky. Motherhood is hard I know so maybe you're just a bit word down in general but caring about your cousin shouldn't cause you this much angst. It's a worth a wee giggle with a mate.

The thread seems to have reversed in the latter half. The bonkers first posters saying she was unreasonable obviously set the tone. Fortunately some more sensible posters came along.

I have zero fashion sense myself, to me 99.9% of babies look "styled" the same. On the pram, I did buy exactly the same as my friend as she was an experienced mum and recommended it. She was delighted that I used her advice.

Maybe in holiday you could make some little clothes together as a project, or pose your babies in their identical outfits for some cute not-quite-twin portraits? You have a unique situation, these little cousins could grow up close, and you’re lucky to have family around with access to babysitters and to go on holiday with...turn it into a positive!

I think you have had a very hard time here OP, that would drive me insane too. On holidays, I think you should make a very obvious point of making sure that your DDs aren't dressed the same any day, changing your DD is needs be, 'cos otherwise they will look ridiculous'; hopefully that will give your cousin the message that you don't like it when she copies you.

Give the OP a break, have you never had a child repeat everything you say... how irritating is that?? imagine that on a larger scale down to lifestyle choices, haircuts, even baby outfits and from an adult. I agree OP i would be irritated.

YANBU. Really annoying. Not sure what you can do apart from speak to her or her partner / mum. Or your mum to hers? But could cause big upset. Make a joke of it?

It would drive me mad too.