Cousin copying everything i do..

[Getyaownstyle]

I’ll start by saying that I know many would say imitation is the greatest form of flattery but it’s driving me insane.

I come from a close family and live about 20 mins from my cousin and her family. Cousin in question is in her early thirties (there’s only 18 months between us). We’re not teenagers.

I had my first baby last year. She’s nearly 1. Cousin had her first (a girl 3 months ago). Every single bit of baby paraphernalia is identical to mine - pram, changing bag, nursery decor and furniture, clothes, muslins, bouncer, you name it.

We’re all going on holiday as a family next week. I went round to hers to visit and she showed me her baby’s bits and pieces - and her baby’s suitcase is near on identical to my dd’s, pretty much every outfit.

I know it sounds petty but it’s wearing me down. She babysat my daughter at our house a while ago so must have had a snoop then.

I would be annoyed too, I haven't had anyone copy my baby's stuff, but I did have a flatmate who copied everything in a swf sort of way and it was really unnerving, especially since I could not be thought of as fashionable or trendy.

I would get your daughter a babygrow that says something awful like "mummy should have swallowed" and see if she copies it. If she's faintly revolted you know she's ok underneath. If she gets one then you have a problem. Good luck!

The only way to win this battle is to buy increasingly more expensive designer clothes & accessories for your baby. Eventually, you will break your cousin financially. She will have to give in, and then she will be sorry.

You live in the same area, are close, and 18mths apart in age. It's not that surprising a lot of things are the same. Everyone thinks they've an 'individual style' but generally they really don't. We tend to buy items relating to our economic income and social setting. I've 3 close friends who all tend to have very similar houses, hair, clothing to myself because we all shop in similar places and follow a pretty same style. There are several boutique baby shops in our local area if we all bought items from there independently then you can bet the clothing would all be very similar.

Anyway, I'm out.

Nice drip-feed that she suddenly copies everything else you do. I have no idea who you are, but you've come across quite arrogant here so I will assume that you think any slight similarity to you means someone is copying your unique style.

I hope both of these little girls aren't affected by your unhealthy competition in the future. These girls are more than what mummy dresses them in and it seems your cousin is the one that knows that.

Good luck to you OP, being this petty must be hard.

Pheasantplucker - you’ve hit the nail on the head. It’s unnerving. And for what it’s worth, I’m hardly a kardashian type. Quite boring really. I look like shit but my daughter doesn’t.

You really will look back on this angst of yours and have an embarrassed chuckle to yourself.

You may even tell your DD one day ‘You know darling, when you were little I didn’t dress and house you. I curated your lifestyle, giving evidence to your individuality. I dunno, it seemed very important at the time.’

I suspect that you are going through a period of channeling your sense of self worth through all this ‘curating’. It’s normal to be frustrated by the monotony of motherhood across the first couple of years, and seek to give that job meaning and creativity. It’s also a way of showing the world how closely bonded you are with your baby ‘See, only I know her special quirky tastes!’

That’s all fairly standard too. It only becomes crackers when you let those feelings lead you to feel judgey or resentful of other people’s ways of parenting.

It might be time to find other ways to channel your (obviously impressive) creativity. Ways that don’t put your DD as the ‘middle man’ or risk family harmony. Pick something you can protect with actual copyright, maybe? Cos you can’t patent ‘your buying philosophy with your child.’

The suitcase comment does remind me of the scene in Meet the Parents, 'Do you think the Samsonite people had a crazy idea to make more than one suitcase?'... Do you think the baby clothing manufacturers made more than one outfit for your child? 😉

FuckMNDoubleStandards Good luck to you too. May you be less angry in real life than on the internet.

I would find it annoying too however is it possible she was gifted some items by a family member who also knows what items you have?

I don’t know why you’re getting so much flack either. It IS unnerving when someone copies everything, like you’re at school again or something. I don’t have any friends who have exactly the same stuff as me... lots and lots of crossover with popular items of course (and I couldnt care less) but plenty of differences too.

I can quite see that if you are very crafty and artsy and have your own style this would drive you nuts.

@Getyaownstyle Ah but of course, challenging your nonsense must mean I am angry. Got it.

As a previous poster said grow up. It's time. You have a human you're responsible for.

Also if you can't handle someone with a different opinion than you, than the internet must be a scary place.

So when I had my youngest I researched all the latest/best reviewed baby stuff. Majority of new parents have the same stuff. We all look st the same websites and get sold the same dream. Nothing is original, sorry

Skittles - come at me with that A level psychology character assassination when you have someone copying every facet of your life 😂 believe me, it’s infuriating. Nothing to do with any false sense of grandeur I may have.

Wow. I'm amazed at the comments here. How come almost no-one thinks this is weird? It would freak me out. It's almost like being stalked.
I'd have to say something. Especially if I walked into a nursery which had been decorated and furnished with the exact same things.

The crafting - thats it really. The assumption here is that i dress her like a child paegaent contestant and my only parenting priority is her appearance. Not the case, but that doesn’t matter here.

Op YANBU. I agree this must be very annoying. Does she hope that both dc will look like sisters (to my now regret I used to dress both my daughters in the same clothes)?

I think the only way to deal with this is to stop letting her see what you have bought for your dd. With regard to the pram, get (or make) a lovely cover for when the rain cover isn’t needed to distinguish it. Perhaps buy a different changing bag. Bedroom things don’t really matter as very few people will see both child’s things! You could try saying to her that you had intended to pass things on to her dd (don’t know if you had) when your dd had outgrown them, but as she is buying the same just now, it wouldn’t be fair for her dd to move into the exact same clothes in a bigger size!
Change the clothes you have bought dd for her holiday. I know this would be very annoying as they were your choice first, but it depends on which is the most annoying, both children dressed the same (and I do think she will try to put her dd in the same that your dd is wearing that day on holiday), or you buy, or exchange for, different outfits.

If all else fails I’m afraid you are just going to have to tell your cousin how you feel and hope it doesn’t spoil you relationship!

...and anyone who thinks that pretty much all nurseries/baby clothes are exactly the same and this is accidental, is deluded.

Saraclara - YES! I dread seeing her more and more and i don’t think this behaviour is healthy for our daughters.

It’s noones job to agree with me but I am seriously surprised that this isn’t seen as peculiar. I cannot stress the lengths she goes to

Have you logged it with 101?

I get why you find it annoying. Many years ago when I had my youngest now 27, I had a next door neighbour who was an acquaintance rather than a friend. She had her baby a few months after me and started buying the same stuff, doing the same activities, etc. One time she even took a day off work to go and buy exactly the same shoes for her son as I had bought the day before.
At first I found it odd and slightly irritating, but shrugged it off, but gradually I realised she was telling anyone who listened that I was copying her!

OP, most people on the thread are just wondering at the existence of two thirtysomething women on the planet who are so interested in their baby’s all-important ‘look’ that they obsessing about ‘styling’ her and pack her a suitcase of outfits weeks in advance of the family holiday.

And no, the behaviour isn’t healthy for your daughters.

Hi, yes it is creepy copying that much, other copying threads have been more understanding, think it's because this is your dd 😀.

Don't worry, either give your cousin presents that arenot what your dd wears, or if you are that angry give her some copycat comments.

I would suggest you find 'pride' in your good tastes and ignore the copying.

Enjoy 😀

Oh come on, Heptapod. Surely it’s not that unusual to be prepared. You may be a parent yourself so it shouldn’t be that hard to work out why I want to be prepared.

I work full time, my husband works away a few nights a week. I am extremely time-poor. I am travelling to a country where some necessities may not be as easily accessible.

Contained within the case is everything I need for her from clothes, medication, nappies, formula, bottles, a kettle. Lots of bits to ensure I’m prepared so I finally get to fucking relax on holiday with my baby. Is that SO hard to understand. I get bits as the holiday draws closer and it’s easier to see what I already have.

For heaven’s sake, OP, you are travelling to the same place as your cousin. If formula, nappies, bottles etc are not going to be easily available at your destination, then surely it’s not that surprising your cousin had very similar equipment in her case, allowing for the difference in age between your babies?

But I’m not talking about nappies and formula!!!!